Waterfalls . . . Wild Hogs . . . And A Crack Whore . . .

Gilligan's Log Saturday August 20th 2011 . . .

We today is Anniversary Day for the Crow's. Joanie made sure that their coffee was made complete with two coffee cups at the ready and a hand signed postcard with wishes of a happy anniversary awaiting them when they got up . . . Wow is there nothing this woman doesn't think of. Well the agenda for the day was set and we all thought today would be a good day to check out some of the waterfalls and maybe explore some back country too.

We left the homestead at about 10:00am headed for our first waterfall, the Wialua Falls just north of the town of Lihue. We ventured up the winding road to the crammed tiny and unorganized cluster fuck of a parking lot. Where numerous dip shits couldn't figure out how to make a simple three point turn when the road ran out . . . Oh No Whatever Shall We Do . . . Fucking Idiots. I am surprised that these people can wipe their own ass. Well after a prolonged “you go this way” and “I'll go that way” staring contest between the morons in the front of the line the traffic jam began to clear. All the while the rest of us looked on in disbelief as the motor vehicularly challenged ass bags navigated their way past the rest of us like a parade of Fucking Retards. After the entertainment had passed we finally were able to park the S.S. Escape and made our war to the observation point where we took many, many pictures. We also met a gentleman who was selling his palm leaf woven wares such as hats and bowls and really cool little fish. On our way back to the car we noticed that he had left some of the fish hanging fron the sign so we thought this would be a good time to obtain a freebie, compliments of the gentleman who left them behind . . . A Big Mahalo To Yo my Friend!

We soon left the Wialua Falls with very little difficulty turning the S.S. Escape around which made it even more apparent that the Driving Douche Bags from earlier were even bigger Retards than I had first imagined. We wound our way back down the winding road with the occasional sudden darts off the road by yours truly when I felt there was a photo opportunity to be had. We took a lot of pictures as we made our way back down to the main road. We were then off to the second stop on our agenda Kipuu Falls. These falls are just south of the town of Kap'paa and as you may have guessed up another steep and winding road. We soon arrived at the scenic look out where more pictures were taken. I then decided that it would be a good idea to follow the road further up to see if we could get closer to the top of the falls or at least follow the road until it ended.

This adventure was not on the agenda but I am glad I sacraficed our lives as we got to see some amazing country that not many tourist get to see but many locals do. We made a trek of about 15 mile into hog hunting territory . . . no shit really! We made our way into hunting area C according to the posted sign. The sign also had explanations that if you find dogs that they are not stray ones and that they are actually hunting dogs who are trained to hunt and the owners will be back for them so do not take them. We eventually came upon a couple of locals who were nice enough to explain what this area was and what they were hunting and that they had actually killed one. We opted not to take pictures to protect the innocent. When I asked how far this road goes they told us it goes on for many miles. Damn we had already came about 12 miles and were sure that if we went any further we would either be shot by hunters or a wild boar would attack us and kill us in our car . . . So we decided to head back to civilization for a bite to eat before something decided to take a bite out of our white tourist assess.

We arrived in Ka'paa at about 2:20pm and we were all more than ready for something to eat . . . Mc Donalds it was. After lunch we decided to continue our shopping at Coconut Marketplace from yesterday. We shopped and shopped until our shoppers were sore and we decided to go back to the room and relax before the big 28th anniversary dinner. We all agreed that we should go to Brenneke's Beach Broiler for dinner so we left on our dinner adventure. We took a seat at the bar while the hostess was waiting for a window table to open up. The boys ordered beer while the girls were a little more of the adventuring type. With a Poipu Kiss and a Lava Lava Slide ordered we were now officially celebrating the Crow's 28th wedding anniversary. It was only a matter of minutes and our table was ready so we settled up the bar tab and went to our table. It was Rib Eyes for all. It's not everyday that you have your 28th anniversary and it didn't hurt that we were using the $150 worth of vouchers that we had got by attending the sales pitch early in the week. We order some Pu Pu as well in the form of nachos which were actually very good. There we sat getting our drink on and eating Pu Pu with some really great friends, it doesn't get any better than this. Dinner arrived and we were asked if there would be anything else. The girls, now finished with their exotic drinks ordered two beers and I asked for some A-1 for my steak. It wasn't long before we realized that the tourist's aren't the only was that a fucking morons . . . we found an Island Idiot . . . and she was our waitress . . . Yippee! We waited for at least 10 minutes for the Island Idiot to return with the beers and she asked how everything tasted. I responded with “It was good but it would be better if I had some A-1, Don't worry I said it with a smile. That's when she showed us just how awesome of an Idiot she had become . . . She brought me a glass of ice water. What the hell was this for? Is A-1 island speak for glass of ice water. Let me see do they sound the same . . . A-1 . . . Glass of ice water . . . not even fucking close . . . what the hell! Joanie said AAAA-111111 really slowly so our personal Island Idiot could follow along. Needless to say we finally got the A-1 and not a moment too soon . . . I had about four bites of my steak left. We finished dinner and our Island Idiot asked if there would be anything else and with the times share paying . . . Of course there would be . . . more drinks. Dennis ordered a Brown Nipple with Banana. This sparked a debate as to whether it said nipple or mipple on the drink menu. Mipple . . . really . . . what the hell is a mipple any way . . . honestly that sounds like some one who's been drinking . . . oh wait . . . we have. We call our Island Idiot over to settle the debate and found out that it was in fact a Nipple. With that settled I ordered a Tiki Torch that contains three types of local rum which should be a relatively strong drink, and the girls both ordered two more beers. Dennis' Brown Nipple arrived first and he ever so slowly sucked on his Brown Nipple over and over making mmmm sounds, using a pretty pink straw . . . He's so kinky! The rest of the drinks arrived shortly after and the Tiki Torch didn't disappoint. It was fruity and strong. I know that sounded really gay but the Tiki Torch in the right amount would knock even a heterosexual man on his ass. With the evening winding down it was time to settle the bill. Our Island Idiot brought the check and we only went over by $21.00 . . . Or so we thought. We split the difference and gave the check to our Idiot and when she received it she said that the vouchers don't count towards alcohol or the gratuity. Joanie promptly explained that the way the timeshare folks explained to us was that as long as you ordered drinks with dinner then it was okay. With that said . . . enter the restaurant manager! She went on to say that when they turn the vouchers in they don't get reimbursed for the alcohol and that is why they don't count them towards alcohol. Joanie explained that the timeshare folks explained that the vouchers do not count for a 100% alcohol tab but if you have a dinner with drinks that it would be fine. Well apparently the restaurant people and the timeshare folks aren't on the same page. We had them split out the alcohol from the bill and the total for the drinks came to came to $39.01 and the food was $131.00. We used the voucher for the food and were informed that they don't give change and we would be losing out on the remaining $20.00. This was fine because they would be the ones that would lose out . . . on the tip that is! With the vouchers signed and two Twenty Dollar bills in the check we were outta there. The tip we left was the change from the bar tab . . . $0.99. We exited the restaurant where there was what appeared to be an Island Crack Whore. She had eyes for Dennis and smiled with a great big “Tooth Missing” smile.

Happy Anniversary Pam and Dennis we got you Crack Whore. Nothing says Happy Anniversary like a nice Island Crack Whore. I couldn't afford a matching set or you would have had a pair of Island Crack Whores . . . Collect the whole set. We had a late nite cigar and beer trip to Shipwreck beach by the Grand Hyatt where we sat in the little Cabana’s and watched as the surf rolled in and out. This would have been a great end to and awesome day had it not been for the hardness of the lounges in the Cabana's due to the missing lounge pads so with sore asses and good memories of a day filled with adventure we called it a day. Until tomorrow . . . Gilligan Out . . .