The Castaway's Cast Off For Home . . .

Gilligan's Log Saturday August 27th 2011 . . .

Well the day has finally arrived . . . and too soon if you ask me . . . time to go home. We all woke up at about 5:30an and all in a rather quite mood. It was hard to discern whether it was from the island kicking all of our assess over the past couple of weeks or if it was from the sadness of leaving our island paradise. Either way we made our way through our morning rituals quietly. With our bags packed we were off to the S.S. Escape for the last time. We packed all of out suitcases filled with memories and a few less things that we had originally brought with us in order to make room for those new memories. With the S.S. Escape loaded to the roof with all of our shit we were off to the airport.

We arrived at the airport in about a half an hour and I dropped the other three Castaway off curbside and drove the drop off the S.S. Escape back at the rental car area. The process went by rather quickly and before you knew it I was reunited with the rest of the Castaway's. We entered the Hawaiian Airlines terminal . . . Let the Cluster Fuck begin! The signage was pure Shit and very confusing to say the least! We stood in the line for about 5 minutes that had a sign the said “web check in” to ask an employee if we were in the right line. He told me that if I didn't have boarding passes from online then I had to do the counter check in at a different line . . . Great we had to relocate . . . F#CK! (That Number One) Then we found out that we had to send out checked baggage through Agricultural Inspection . . . Great we had to relocate . . . F#CK (Number two). We sent our checked bags through the Agricultural Inspection station pineapple and coconut detection machine . . . which I was sure was sent from the future . . . I just can't prove it. We finished this step of the check in process and then met up with the girls who were at the time being placeholder in line as there was no way in hell I was giving up any more line space. We finally got to the front on this line when a Hawaiian Airlines Employee took us to the “Web Check In” area where we had been 20 minutes earlier . . . F#CK! (Number three). She walked us through the whole process from start to finish and only took about only 10 minutes. It was now of to the security portion of the check in process. We did the security routine where they performed a X-ray scan on me, scanned my laptop with another machine, they cupped my balls, squeezed Joanie's left boob which must have looked suspicious, they scanned Pam's shoes and went through Dennis' suitcase and confiscated his smuggled Hawaiian hair spray . . . what the hell . . . he was smuggling in hair spray? Actually he didn't have room in his memories stuffed suitcase so he put it in his carry on . . . oops that was a mistake. Now it was on to a strip search for Dennis. The poor bastard would now have to endure the finger in the butt inspection all over a can of hairspray . . . Bummer . . . F#CK! (Number Four). After Dennis had cleaned the K-Y Jelly from his ass we were off to find our terminal from which we would be departing from in about an hour. We soon boarded the flight to Honolulu and we now on our first leg of the journey home. A quick taxi and we were airborne. Beverage service began and ended at about the same time . . . total time in the air was about 20 minutes . . . I had a hell of a time chugging my hot ass coffee . . . F#CK! (Number Five). We arrived at Honolulu and had a bite to eat and I completed the blog for yesterday. After a couple of hours we decided to press on to our gate for departure . . . What A HUGE CLUSTER F#CK!!!! the crowd was enormous and spread all over the place like on big mass of cultural diarrhea . . . F#CK! (Number Six). After a sea of rude asshole shoved there way passed us like the plane was going somewhere without them they finally called our rows and we boarded the CLUSTER F#CK EXPRESS TO O-TOWN . . . ALL ABOARD!

The flight to O-Town was not bad with a good movie and not so awful airline food. We arrived in O-Town at 9:15pm let the next Cluster Fuck begin . . . Baggage Claim . . . F#CK! (Number Seven). I can take that last F#CK back as the baggage claim went very smoothly . . . Who would have guessed! We had bags in hand and were off to the shuttle pick up location. We had to wait about ten minutes for the shuttle . . . oh yeah did in mention we were dressed for Hawaii and it was 57 degrees and night time . . . holy shit out came the jackets. The shuttle arrived and we sped back to our hotel where the S.S. Durango was parked . . . hopefully still parked . . . with gas in it. After the short drive from the airport we arrived at the hotel and I'm happy to report that everything was as we left it. We loaded our numerous bags of memories and were off to Modesto. As we left the hotel parking lot we realized that Dennis had forgotten how to drive as he locked the brakes on the S.S. Durango up. He said “Something is wrong with the brakes” . . . screech! With a minor . . . screech . . . adjustment . . . screech . . . period . . . screech . . . we were safely on the highway to home. It was very evident that we were not in Kauai anymore . . . holy shit people really do drive fuckin' fast here. We were damn near ran off the road at 70+ miles an hour and we were almost a witness in a terrible accident between a truck towing a car and a handicapped persons van on highway 120 . . . Welcome Back To Cali-f#cking-fornia. We arrive back at the Little House in one piece, we unloaded our bags and had a group hug and said our farewells.

We all had a great time and I am sad that it's over. The plus side is that in 14 months it will be time to book the next trip to Kauai and we can all do it again . . .

MAHALO ~