Gilligan’s Log August 18th 2011 6:00am . . .
We all awoke at what has become our customary waking time of 6:00am by way of the Kauai alarm clocks . . . the Chickens. I blogged for three hours to catch up all of the Castaway followers back at home. While I was busy with the blog the rest of the Castaway's were busy preparing our supplies for the Beach adventure that lay ahead, the picnic was packed the agenda was set and by 9:30am we were off to our first destination.
Our first stop was the Kauai Coffee Company where sample a shit load of different coffees and were able to “Get Our Caffeine Buzz On”. We even went on an 1/8th of a mile self guided tour around the grounds where we learned about all things coffee. We actually did the tour twice and didn't even know it. I think it was the caffeine because of the caffeine in the coffee as coffee has a lot of caffeine . . . and did I mention we all had a caffeine buzz going so we went on a self guided tour . . . twice?
After we climbed down off of the roof of the gift shop we were off to the second stop of our adventure . . . the Hanapepe Swinging Bridge. We wandered onto the bridge and soon found out why they call it “the “Swinging Bridge”. I was pleased to find out much to the dismay of my fellow Castaway's that I like to have a swinging good time while on the bridge. I also found out that when I walk it makes the bridge sway, or as the people of Hanapepe refer to it “Swing”. I may have annoyed Joanie a bit but it was all in fun and just to think we had to go back across the bridge too . . . Oh Boy more fun for me. We soon completed this leg of our agenda with very little motion sickness and a very minor scrape on Pam's forearm. Hopefully this wasn't an Omen of Pam's day.
Well we soon found ourselves traveling a short distance to our first beach stop of the day. We stopped at Salt Pond Park. This was a kid friendly beach as there was no crashing waves due to a natural lava wall that acted as a breakwater. We set up all of our respective items in a hand selected spot on the beach and proceeded to enter the kiddie lagoon portion of the park. It was only about three feet deep and was a safe place to start until we all had our water wings on and were stable. I waded in the lagoon behind the breakwater while Pam, Joanie and Dennis walked on the two foot high lava rock formation looking at all of the various critter in the little tide pools that formed with each wave that crashed over the top. After Dennis had had enough nature he jumped off of the two foot tall lava ledge into the three foot lagoon like a cliff diver who lands on his feet, I rated him a 6.0 on execution and since he stuck the landing I gave him a 9.0 overall. I continued to splash like a little kid getting used to the water when it happened . . . Joanie screamed “Oh my God Pam Are You Okay”? I looked their way just in time to see Pam floundering around in an attempt to spring to her feet in one of those manner when you want to make it look like nothing happened in case someone was watching . . . you know what I'm talking about . . . we have all done it. This time something did happen . . . Pam did a crash and burn move when she tried to stick her landing off of the lava ledge. She scraped her back (Lucky not to hit her head), an scraped the back of her arm and had about six long gashes where her arm was slashed by the lava rock. Nurse Joanie sprang into action, all the while Pam was saying I'm fine . . . No really I'm fine. Joanie wasn't buying it and was splashing salt water on the scrapes to rinse of the blood that was now streaming from the back of Pam's arm. This is better known as chumming and is when you put blood into the Ocean to attract the sharks into a feeding frenzy . . . Holy Shit . . . Help! We removed the bloody wounded Pam from the water so there would be no further danger of attracting sharks to the small children lagoon. Joanie tended to Pam's wounds, all the while Pam was saying I'm fine really. This will remain to be seen tomorrow when she wakes up and finds out that she can hardly move . . . Let's hope not.
We then proceeded to eat our picnic lunch and believe it our not there was some truth to the Dennis Crow sandwich making and packing guidelines . . . the procedure was not followed on my sandwich and it was starting to get soggy, but I ate it anyway. With the local birds fed and our belly's full we were off to our next stop . . . the hospital . . . just kidding. Even though Pam now looked like someone beat her with a baseball bat covered in barbed wire she refused medical attention so we fueled up the S.S. Escape to prepare for our Polihale Beach adventure. We then had to make a stop at Jo Jo's Shaved Ice again, because as any Kauai person knows . . . you gotta stop at Jo Jo's when you go through Wiamea. After our treat we were off to Polihale Beach. We arrived, gathered our belongings, and headed out to claim our place one the beach. On our trek across the beach we realized why people drive their cars across the beach to their spots . . . the sand was Hot Hot Hot . . . you know like the surface of the sun hot! So Oww we made Oww our way Oww to the Oww cooler sand Oww at the Oww waters edge, set up our things and were off to play in the surf. We stayed for quite a while, taking pictures and playing the waves and as you can imagine, Pam only ventured into the waves up to her knees. I think even though our little trooper Pam said she was fine, I think she was hurting . . . only time will tell. We decided, by looking at the doneness of my skins nice new red sheen that we should probably go. So we were off to the showers to try and rinse off the day's sand from places that shouldn't have sand in them, as well as our feet.
We were now on the road back to the old homestead when I had an idea. So we stopped at a local convenience store picked up a couple 40's and some Mike's Hard Lemonade and headed to a local park to watch the sunset. We arrived at the park and as luck would have it it was the same park where Pam tried her back flip with a two and a half twisting dive, with no success. We grabbed our booze and were off to claim a picnic table when all of a sudden Pirate Pam tried to exit the car and damn near fell on her ass. That's right her leg stopped working . . . you heard me her leg stopped working. She soldiered on to the picnic table with a limp step, limp step, limp step sort of walk reminiscent of the peg leg pirates of old . . . she would now be known as Pirate Pam ARRGG! Much to our delight there was a local reggae band practicing their music in one of the picnic pavilions. They were actually pretty good, and what a way to wind down the day with alcohol, good friends, music and a beautiful Kauai Sunset. We sat in the park for about an hour and decided that we had enough fun for one day and we still had to get our little beaten and battered Pirate Pam back to the timeshare.
We arrived at the Point and unpacked the S.S. Escape and headed to our room. We made sure that Pirate Pam had a light load and that she took the elevator as her limp step, limp step, walk had not gotten any better. Once inside Dennis and I were instructed to go ahead and take our showers while the girls put away the provision left from today's adventure. After emerging from the shower I walked into the dining area to see Pirate Pam with a broom and Joanie with a dust pan when both of them shouted STOP! I was then informed to put shoes on as there had been a tragedy to end all tragedies. That's right three Mike's Hard Lemonades had been murdered when there carrier fell apart like a cheap suitcase rendering them helpless against that fickle bitch . . . Gravity. Please take a moment of silence and say a quick little prayer for our fallen alcoholic beverages. Joanie explained that the cheap ass styrofoam ice chest had leaked and made the bottom of the bag containing the unsuspecting little mike's soggy and unable to bear the weight of our little buddy's. After the breakage now known as the Great Explosion of 2011 Joanie descride it as complete mayhem where her and Peg Leg Pam were both performing like Bambi on Ice and were damn luck that they didn't pull a muscle or throw out their backs. Well the girls called housekeeping to provide back up, and vacuum and mop the entire front half of the unit. No sooner did the call get placed then the housekeeper arrived. It was as if he knew there was a disturbance in the force of room #10302 and had to attend to it right away . . . what service. Yoda proceeded to clean everything up lickity split and vanished as quickly as he had arrived. With the mess cleaned up and the prayers said for our fallen little alcohol soldiers, it was time for the girls to finally get their showers. I said a quick prayer that the man up stairs watch over Pirate Pam in hopes that she would damage herself any further then she had today.
While the girls showered I sat on the balcony blogging the days events ans shivering like it was 30 degrees outside . . . gotta love a sunburn. With the girls done, me hard at work blogging, Dennis headed to the BBQ area to cook us up some hot dogs for dinner and only a shade past 8:30pm too . . . what a long day! We ate dinner and cleaned everything up with no further incidents or injuries to anything or anyone in our Castaway group. We were then entertained by a slide show review of Dennis' 396 pictures that he has taken so far on the Kauai Adventure. We ate ice cream during the slide show me covered in my blanket, Pirate Pam looking like a Pirate coming back from war, and Joanie staring into the distance, while making spit bubbles and generally looking as if she was in a state of total disbelief of today’s events. With the slide show now complete it was now time for the Castaway's to go to bed. We will see if Pirate Pam and the rest of the Castaway's will be able to even get out of bed. Join the Castaway's for tomorrows adventure . . . The Limpin' Luau . . .
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Food Phobias . . . Fire . . . And Freddy . . .
Gilligan’s Log August 17th 2011 6:00am . . .
We all awoke at what has become our customary waking time of 6:00am. we blame it on the Kauai alarm clocks . . . the Chickens. They crow very loudly every morning at about 6:00am. It's all good in my book because if I am going to woken up early I'm glad it is in paradise with great friends. I know . . . I know . . . AWWWW!
We all had the morning beverage of choice and a quick bite to eat as we were off to purchase matching couples Luau Wear. that's right we were going to match our wives at our Luau on Friday. We traveled to the Coconut Grove Shopping center where the women folk proceeded rather quickly to the dress shop to make their respective selections. Dennis and I wandered at a much slower pace to give the girls time to make their selections. Upon arriving I asked if I could try on a matching dress to match my wife's and to make it a short one as I had damn sexy legs. You should have seen the look on the lady's face . . . Priceless. I convinced her that I was serious, but unfortunately she didn't have a dress for a full figured gal like me . . . Damn! The girls finalized their selections and we were fitted with our matching Hawaiian shirts. We were ready for the Luau come hell or high water . . . i.e. hurricane Fernanda! That's right we may be in the path of a hurricane . . . SWEET!
We were off to Costco for fuel for the S.S. Escape for our day's adventure to Wiamea Canyon. We went back to the room and packed a picnic lunch for our outing and this is when we found out that Dennis has . . . well let's just say . . . Way's that he wants things done. Things like once the sandwich in made and before it is placed in the ice chest it must have a physical barrier between the sandwich and any coldness above that of a refrigerator as there is a chance of the sandwich bread becoming either soggy or suffering from hard crust syndrome. So Pam hermetically sealed Dennis' sandwich in layers of Coffee Filters, paper towels and a zip-lock bag. he then instructed Pam to make sure that when the sandwich was inserted into the paper bag and then into the ice chest that his be the top sandwich to future eliminate the possibility of sogginess or hard crust syndrome. We all got a good laugh about this. We found out that Dennis has numerous issues when it comes to food and/or the way it is prepared.
With the lunch packed we were off for our adventure to Wiamea Canyon. This is known and the Grand Canyon of the Pacific and is absolutely stunning. The road to the canyon lookout can best be described as . . . One Winding Fucking Road. This road is 17 miles of 25mph speed limit signs, in which case they are not joking. A winding turn to the right, a winding turn to the left followed by a steep . . . steep . . . did I say steep . . . inclines, all mixed in with numerous 180 degree switch backs. If you were prone to getting car sick this is not the road for you . . . Dennis . . . are you okay? He was fine and never had signs of getting sick.
We arrived at the Wiamea Canyon lookout where we walked a short distance to the observation platform where the view was absolutely amazing. As you all can probably guess we all took a butt load of pictures which will be posted on the Photobucket page linked to this blog as soon as I get a better WiFi connection that is a hell of a lot faster than the one I have now. After our photo shoot of the canyon we decided to go further up the road to where it end at Ko'Kee' State Park. On the way to Ko'Kee' we came upon a nice picnic area where we decided to unveil Dennis' sandwich and see if he felt it was still edible. To our amazement . . . it was. We ate, We Laughed, We took pictures of Cardinals, We found out from Pam while talking about food that "Dennis Hates Everything". Apparently Dennis has various issues with either the food itself or the way it is prepared. Either way to hear Pam tell it and to see Dennis' facial expression was absolutely hilarious. Sorry but this is one of those times that you just had to be there.
After lunch on our way to Ko'Kee' we passed a NASA Observatory on the way there and why not we were at about 5300 feet in elevation which felt like the top of the world. That's right we went from sea level to 5300 feet in a relatively short drive. The first lookout point was absolutely beautiful. If you do not do anything else in your lifetime make it a point to see this wonder of the world . . . simple words cannot do it justice. We went to the end of the road wondering how the view could be any better than the one we had just experienced . . . well we soon found out. Oh my god . . .
The end of the trail is even better than the first observation point. You are higher in elevation at 5700 feet. You are actually in the clouds and can feel the mist from them falling on you when you are there. This is home to one of the wettest places on earth . . . Or at least that's what the sign said. We snapped more pictures and stood in some cliff side locations that made the girls a little nervous . . . but it was well worth it. I know you all want to see the pictures . . . be patient . . . I promise to post them soon.
With our adventure complete we headed back down the mountain and stopped at various wide spots for even more photo opportunities along the way. After the twist and turns of the road and pictures safely in our cameras and memories we were of to our home away from home . . . Or so we thought! As we were driving back to the homestead we were listening to the radio and found out that they had evacuated the area where our paradise palace is located due to a brush fire. Holy Shit . . . First a hurricane . . . Now a fire. We tried to sneak in the back way but the police already had the road blocked and were not letting anyone in. Great . . . What to do now . . . that is the question. We did what every red blooded tourist would do . . . we went to an old cemetery and called our timeshare for an update and information on what to do! I'll bet none of you seen that coming. while we were there Pam announced that she had to pee! Joanie was quick to point out that if she was to pee in a cemetery then she was going straight to hell . . . do not pass go . . . do not collect $200 . . . just straight to hell. So with that said Pam decided to hold it. Joanie was informed that they didn't know when we would be let back in, they didn't know how bad the fire was, they didn't know which direction it was heading, they didn't know if the timeshare was in immediate danger . . . I am so glad we called it put everyone’s minds at ease . . . NOT! What the fuck . . . are you kidding me . . . doesn't anyone talk to each other? Hell nobody even seems concerned that they could all burn up in a fiery ball. Talk about being so laid back and in a island state of mind . . . Holy Shit.
Well with all of that useful information in hand it was off to find a “Tinkletorium” so we could all evacuate our bladders just like we evacuated the timeshare. So it was off to Costco for a piss and pistachios. After Costco we decided since we may or may not be going back to our timeshare or our burned remains of our belongings . . . we were off to an island ritual . . . The ABC Store. We shopped for a few souvenirs for people back home . . . There may or may not be one for you. We were then off to another island must . . . Bubba Burger! We introduced the Crow's to the Hubba Bubba. This is a bed of white rice, with a hamburger patty smothered in melted cheese covered in chili and topped with onions. With the recent information regarding Dennis' food issues there was some concern as to whether he would be able to eat this yummy mess. He was a trooper and whether or not he liked it, he ate it. After dinner and one last stop at another ABC Store it was off to see if we had anyhting left at the timeshare. As you can probably guessed we lost everything in the fire and are not living in the Kauai Emergency Evacuation Center. The only thing that survived was everything . . . I was just kidding. So if you are a relative of the Castaways you can breath again.
We arrived back at home finally and to our pleasure found everything intact. It was time for the girls to go to the spa for a drink and a soak and it was time for Dennis and I to wander to Cigar Point for w few beers and a cigar. We arrived at Cigar Point and were getting settle by the light of our flashlights when all of a sudden out of the darkness and with the stealth of the best Ninja a guy appeared and scared the living shit out of me and actually stopped Dennis' heart. "WHAT THE FUCK MAN" were the words that came out along with "YOU JUST SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME". Without so much as an apology he proceeded to ask why we had flashlights and to turn them off and we should never bring flashlight to this place. Well I have news for you Satan, we aren't "See In The Dark Underlords" like you. We are middle aged blind fuckers that need light at all times, especially when we are roaming around sheer lava cliffs that fall of 100' into the fucking Pacific Ocean. This guy had serious bat like night vision whether he was Batman with sonar, Satan or a Navy Seal who knew, all I know is it was fucking creepy having a ghost of a guy sneak up like that . . . SHIT! We passed the time looking at the stars as there was many and the night sky was clear. With all of the beautiful sights we were lucky enough to see today this was the icing on the cake. WE talked for a while with our new Ninja acquaintance about things to do on the island. When he asked where we were staying I told him at the point but was very vague as I didn't know if Ninja Man would sneak up and appear on our balcony one night. He bid us a good evening and promised to see us tomorrow and disappeared in the dark just as quickly as he appeared. See us tomorrow . . . What the hell did he mean by that? Was he going to follow us?
Was he coming for our souls on Cigar Point? Was he like Freddy Kruger and going to show up in our dreams AHHHHH . . . I WANT MY MOMMY!
Once safely back in our room it was shower time followed by telling Joanie of our newly found friend Satan then to sleep. Where I just hope I didn't hear "One Two Freddy's Coming For You . . .
More from the Castaways tomorrow . . . (If Freddy Doesn't Get Them First)
We all awoke at what has become our customary waking time of 6:00am. we blame it on the Kauai alarm clocks . . . the Chickens. They crow very loudly every morning at about 6:00am. It's all good in my book because if I am going to woken up early I'm glad it is in paradise with great friends. I know . . . I know . . . AWWWW!
We all had the morning beverage of choice and a quick bite to eat as we were off to purchase matching couples Luau Wear. that's right we were going to match our wives at our Luau on Friday. We traveled to the Coconut Grove Shopping center where the women folk proceeded rather quickly to the dress shop to make their respective selections. Dennis and I wandered at a much slower pace to give the girls time to make their selections. Upon arriving I asked if I could try on a matching dress to match my wife's and to make it a short one as I had damn sexy legs. You should have seen the look on the lady's face . . . Priceless. I convinced her that I was serious, but unfortunately she didn't have a dress for a full figured gal like me . . . Damn! The girls finalized their selections and we were fitted with our matching Hawaiian shirts. We were ready for the Luau come hell or high water . . . i.e. hurricane Fernanda! That's right we may be in the path of a hurricane . . . SWEET!
We were off to Costco for fuel for the S.S. Escape for our day's adventure to Wiamea Canyon. We went back to the room and packed a picnic lunch for our outing and this is when we found out that Dennis has . . . well let's just say . . . Way's that he wants things done. Things like once the sandwich in made and before it is placed in the ice chest it must have a physical barrier between the sandwich and any coldness above that of a refrigerator as there is a chance of the sandwich bread becoming either soggy or suffering from hard crust syndrome. So Pam hermetically sealed Dennis' sandwich in layers of Coffee Filters, paper towels and a zip-lock bag. he then instructed Pam to make sure that when the sandwich was inserted into the paper bag and then into the ice chest that his be the top sandwich to future eliminate the possibility of sogginess or hard crust syndrome. We all got a good laugh about this. We found out that Dennis has numerous issues when it comes to food and/or the way it is prepared.
With the lunch packed we were off for our adventure to Wiamea Canyon. This is known and the Grand Canyon of the Pacific and is absolutely stunning. The road to the canyon lookout can best be described as . . . One Winding Fucking Road. This road is 17 miles of 25mph speed limit signs, in which case they are not joking. A winding turn to the right, a winding turn to the left followed by a steep . . . steep . . . did I say steep . . . inclines, all mixed in with numerous 180 degree switch backs. If you were prone to getting car sick this is not the road for you . . . Dennis . . . are you okay? He was fine and never had signs of getting sick.
We arrived at the Wiamea Canyon lookout where we walked a short distance to the observation platform where the view was absolutely amazing. As you all can probably guess we all took a butt load of pictures which will be posted on the Photobucket page linked to this blog as soon as I get a better WiFi connection that is a hell of a lot faster than the one I have now. After our photo shoot of the canyon we decided to go further up the road to where it end at Ko'Kee' State Park. On the way to Ko'Kee' we came upon a nice picnic area where we decided to unveil Dennis' sandwich and see if he felt it was still edible. To our amazement . . . it was. We ate, We Laughed, We took pictures of Cardinals, We found out from Pam while talking about food that "Dennis Hates Everything". Apparently Dennis has various issues with either the food itself or the way it is prepared. Either way to hear Pam tell it and to see Dennis' facial expression was absolutely hilarious. Sorry but this is one of those times that you just had to be there.
After lunch on our way to Ko'Kee' we passed a NASA Observatory on the way there and why not we were at about 5300 feet in elevation which felt like the top of the world. That's right we went from sea level to 5300 feet in a relatively short drive. The first lookout point was absolutely beautiful. If you do not do anything else in your lifetime make it a point to see this wonder of the world . . . simple words cannot do it justice. We went to the end of the road wondering how the view could be any better than the one we had just experienced . . . well we soon found out. Oh my god . . .
The end of the trail is even better than the first observation point. You are higher in elevation at 5700 feet. You are actually in the clouds and can feel the mist from them falling on you when you are there. This is home to one of the wettest places on earth . . . Or at least that's what the sign said. We snapped more pictures and stood in some cliff side locations that made the girls a little nervous . . . but it was well worth it. I know you all want to see the pictures . . . be patient . . . I promise to post them soon.
With our adventure complete we headed back down the mountain and stopped at various wide spots for even more photo opportunities along the way. After the twist and turns of the road and pictures safely in our cameras and memories we were of to our home away from home . . . Or so we thought! As we were driving back to the homestead we were listening to the radio and found out that they had evacuated the area where our paradise palace is located due to a brush fire. Holy Shit . . . First a hurricane . . . Now a fire. We tried to sneak in the back way but the police already had the road blocked and were not letting anyone in. Great . . . What to do now . . . that is the question. We did what every red blooded tourist would do . . . we went to an old cemetery and called our timeshare for an update and information on what to do! I'll bet none of you seen that coming. while we were there Pam announced that she had to pee! Joanie was quick to point out that if she was to pee in a cemetery then she was going straight to hell . . . do not pass go . . . do not collect $200 . . . just straight to hell. So with that said Pam decided to hold it. Joanie was informed that they didn't know when we would be let back in, they didn't know how bad the fire was, they didn't know which direction it was heading, they didn't know if the timeshare was in immediate danger . . . I am so glad we called it put everyone’s minds at ease . . . NOT! What the fuck . . . are you kidding me . . . doesn't anyone talk to each other? Hell nobody even seems concerned that they could all burn up in a fiery ball. Talk about being so laid back and in a island state of mind . . . Holy Shit.
Well with all of that useful information in hand it was off to find a “Tinkletorium” so we could all evacuate our bladders just like we evacuated the timeshare. So it was off to Costco for a piss and pistachios. After Costco we decided since we may or may not be going back to our timeshare or our burned remains of our belongings . . . we were off to an island ritual . . . The ABC Store. We shopped for a few souvenirs for people back home . . . There may or may not be one for you. We were then off to another island must . . . Bubba Burger! We introduced the Crow's to the Hubba Bubba. This is a bed of white rice, with a hamburger patty smothered in melted cheese covered in chili and topped with onions. With the recent information regarding Dennis' food issues there was some concern as to whether he would be able to eat this yummy mess. He was a trooper and whether or not he liked it, he ate it. After dinner and one last stop at another ABC Store it was off to see if we had anyhting left at the timeshare. As you can probably guessed we lost everything in the fire and are not living in the Kauai Emergency Evacuation Center. The only thing that survived was everything . . . I was just kidding. So if you are a relative of the Castaways you can breath again.
We arrived back at home finally and to our pleasure found everything intact. It was time for the girls to go to the spa for a drink and a soak and it was time for Dennis and I to wander to Cigar Point for w few beers and a cigar. We arrived at Cigar Point and were getting settle by the light of our flashlights when all of a sudden out of the darkness and with the stealth of the best Ninja a guy appeared and scared the living shit out of me and actually stopped Dennis' heart. "WHAT THE FUCK MAN" were the words that came out along with "YOU JUST SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME". Without so much as an apology he proceeded to ask why we had flashlights and to turn them off and we should never bring flashlight to this place. Well I have news for you Satan, we aren't "See In The Dark Underlords" like you. We are middle aged blind fuckers that need light at all times, especially when we are roaming around sheer lava cliffs that fall of 100' into the fucking Pacific Ocean. This guy had serious bat like night vision whether he was Batman with sonar, Satan or a Navy Seal who knew, all I know is it was fucking creepy having a ghost of a guy sneak up like that . . . SHIT! We passed the time looking at the stars as there was many and the night sky was clear. With all of the beautiful sights we were lucky enough to see today this was the icing on the cake. WE talked for a while with our new Ninja acquaintance about things to do on the island. When he asked where we were staying I told him at the point but was very vague as I didn't know if Ninja Man would sneak up and appear on our balcony one night. He bid us a good evening and promised to see us tomorrow and disappeared in the dark just as quickly as he appeared. See us tomorrow . . . What the hell did he mean by that? Was he going to follow us?
Was he coming for our souls on Cigar Point? Was he like Freddy Kruger and going to show up in our dreams AHHHHH . . . I WANT MY MOMMY!
Once safely back in our room it was shower time followed by telling Joanie of our newly found friend Satan then to sleep. Where I just hope I didn't hear "One Two Freddy's Coming For You . . .
More from the Castaways tomorrow . . . (If Freddy Doesn't Get Them First)
ATV Adventure . . . The Castaway's Get Dirty!
Gilligans Log August 17th 2011 . . .
Well the day started again at 6:00am to a beautiful sunrise and Dennis was hard at work taking sunrise pictures like a Playboy photographer on a Playmate shoot full of oooo's and aahhh's. The morning coffee, Frappucino and Rockstar were served and it was time for Dennis to become Aunt Jemimah and make us his world famous pancakes. The start was a little sketchy with getting the temperature of the skillet right which resulted in a few Hispanic shaded and one African American pancake which we fondly referred to as minority pancakes. We ate breakfast and it was awesome thanks to Aunt Jemimah's culinary skills.
The anticipation about the ATV Adventure was mounting in the homestead which was evident by the fact that everyone was dressed and ready to go an hour and fifteen minutes before we had to leave. So let that be a lesson to all you married men take you woman on an ATV Tour to see her get ready in record time. We left for the ATV Tour 45 minutes before the start of the tour and we were only 5 minutes away . . . needless to say we had time to spare. We proceeded with the check in process rather quickly and were seated outside on a bench to wait further instructions. While I was sitting there I realized that having a pair of underwear, a swim suit and a pair of pants on all at the same time . . . Well put simply . . . had my balls in a bunch. It was uncomfortable to say the least and with a nice four hour bouncy ATV ride ahead, this was going to be a long day. I can only imagine how bad the girls had their panties in a knot as they were sporting at least three layers as well.
After a short time we had our directions in hand on how to get to the actual ATV starting place and we were off to start our adventure. Once everyone who was going on the tour was present our guide proceeded with the pre-tour agenda which included offering a set of their clothes as we were all going to get dirty. Not to spoil the ending but . . . HOLY SHIT! We had our ball binding and taco twisting attire on so we passed the clothes. The next item on the pre-tour agenda was the signing of the 2nd waiver form. I am always surprised at just how quick we all sign this piece of paper. The fact that we could be in a freak accident on their ATV Tour and it would result in an oops or a sorry and nothing more, is insane. So we signed the waiver without hesitation. We then received our vehicle operation instructions along with hand signals that were ways to communicate the fact that the ATV in front of you was involved in a fiery crash over a 500 foot cliff with the rest of the group behind your ATV. We were all photographed in our Pre-tour state where we were all clean and then we were off on our ATV Adventure.
The first item at hand was the “Becoming One With Your ATV” portion of the tour. This was a portion of the tour where they tested your ability to keep you ATV in a straight line with all of the rest of the ATV's on the tour. This portion took place on the straightest road you have every seen. If somebody couldn't keep their ATV straight on this section of road they would definitely need to be taken to the countryside and beaten severely. With that boring and dusty portion out of the way we were now off into the deep jungle like depths of the island. The ride consisted of eating the dust thrown up from the ATV in front of you. Oh yeah did I mention we ate a lot of dust. We arrived at a really cool tunnel that went right through a mountain and was pitch black and a half a mile long. Our guide stopped everyone and made sure that we all had our headlights on. We entered the tunnel a quickly found out that the headlights were there so other people could see you, because they didn't work worth a shit as operator headlights. Hell Dennis can hardly see when conditions are ideal much less in a dark tunnel. We made our way through the tunnel like Stevie Wonder heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel. We made it through and were now of to a series of winding trails which made the ride more exciting. It could have been more exciting if we didn't have a Douche Bag in front of us that decided it would be a good time to have a leisurely drive through the fucking jungle. There were a few times when Dennis had the urge to pass this slow son of a bitch as there was plenty of open road in front of the Douche Bag.
During this tour it rapidly became apparent that the world is full of people who are only concerned with themselves and are clueless as to other people or things around them. We wound through narrow, bumpy, and dusty trails for the next hour eating more dust and dirt than anyone should eat in a lifetime. We arrived at the first of two private waterfalls. This waterfall was for a quick photo opportunity. This is also the first time we got to remove our helmets and goggles and got to see the contrast between the covered areas and the not so covered areas. Prior to proceeding to the waterfall the guide warned everyone to watch their step and to be especially caution of the wild boars that roam the underbrush in this area. We wound through a bamboo grove to a little picturesque waterfall and had our picture taken by one of the guides. We wound back through the bamboo grove to the ATV's and that's when Joanie encountered a wild boar. She screamed when she heard it grunt at her and I'm sure she shit herself to some extent. She was definitely in a full on piss yourself panic. That was when she realized that it was only one of our guides hiding in the bamboo and make wild boar noises to freak tourist out. Needless to say we all had a good laugh. We mounted our now filthy ATV and proceeded to travel a short way to the second private waterfall where you could swim and this is where we ate lunch. It was very beautiful and peaceful. I found it hard to believe that there were people that were paid to ride ATV's, scare the shit out of tourists and swim in a private waterfall, all the while in Paradise. I could so live here and do this job . . . I'm scheduling the move as I type.
After lunch was over it was time to head back to the starting point. We proceeded through a different set of narrow winding trails that had sections of mud where we were lucky enough to have some mud splatter on us like shit after a bad night of drinking. The last thing we went through before we hit the dusty trail was a small stream that got everyone wet but especially Dennis and myself in the front of the ATV. There was one problem with the nice water Douche we received it was followed by the dusty trail. It wasn't long before I realized that I couldn't see shit and if I couldn't see shit that means Dennis couldn't see shit . . . and he was fucking driving . . . AHHHHH! I promptly jumped into action as his copilot and wiped his goggles off. This smeared the mud like a nice brown shit smear on his goggles which only made matters worse . . . AHHHHH! I wiped and wiped until the shit smear was minimal. Dennis was an awesome driver and didn't slow down even though we were all screaming like little girls. We arrived back at the starting point and headed back to the ATV office to pick up my liscense which was offered up as collateral earlier in the day. When we arrived at the office they were playing a slideshow of our adventure. You guessed it we had to have one. So look for the pictures coming soon to the Photobucket page linked to this blog.
We arrived back at the homestead looking like a bunch of coal miners that had been trapped for a week or two . . . Finally . . . Showertime! We all had the same story of washing and washing and scrubbing and scrubbing and when we dried off . . . Dirt on the white towel. Some were worse than others which was evident from the dirt smear on Dennis' towel which resembled a giant fecal smear . . . I guess we would be washing the towels in the next load of laundry. After our showers we all had a drink to celebrate the fact that we made it out alive and discussed where we should go to dinner. We decided on a Mexican restaurant called LaBamba. We ate, we drank, we filled up with food that insured that we would have gas for three days and then we bought ice cream to take back to the add to the gas issue with lactose intolerance . . . gas plus the shit's . . . things are looking up. Well as luck would have it the ice cream went in the freezer because we were all too full to eat any more. Joanie and I went on my nightly walk to what I now refer to as Cigar Point. This is a nice place where there is a light house beacon amongst the lava rock a short walk from the homestead. The nightly ritual of a few beers and a cigar was nice and when we returned to the room the Crow's were asleep and we soon followed. What a fun filled day and I can't wait what is in store for the Castaway's tomorrow. Come back ya'll now . . . ya hear . . .
Well the day started again at 6:00am to a beautiful sunrise and Dennis was hard at work taking sunrise pictures like a Playboy photographer on a Playmate shoot full of oooo's and aahhh's. The morning coffee, Frappucino and Rockstar were served and it was time for Dennis to become Aunt Jemimah and make us his world famous pancakes. The start was a little sketchy with getting the temperature of the skillet right which resulted in a few Hispanic shaded and one African American pancake which we fondly referred to as minority pancakes. We ate breakfast and it was awesome thanks to Aunt Jemimah's culinary skills.
The anticipation about the ATV Adventure was mounting in the homestead which was evident by the fact that everyone was dressed and ready to go an hour and fifteen minutes before we had to leave. So let that be a lesson to all you married men take you woman on an ATV Tour to see her get ready in record time. We left for the ATV Tour 45 minutes before the start of the tour and we were only 5 minutes away . . . needless to say we had time to spare. We proceeded with the check in process rather quickly and were seated outside on a bench to wait further instructions. While I was sitting there I realized that having a pair of underwear, a swim suit and a pair of pants on all at the same time . . . Well put simply . . . had my balls in a bunch. It was uncomfortable to say the least and with a nice four hour bouncy ATV ride ahead, this was going to be a long day. I can only imagine how bad the girls had their panties in a knot as they were sporting at least three layers as well.
After a short time we had our directions in hand on how to get to the actual ATV starting place and we were off to start our adventure. Once everyone who was going on the tour was present our guide proceeded with the pre-tour agenda which included offering a set of their clothes as we were all going to get dirty. Not to spoil the ending but . . . HOLY SHIT! We had our ball binding and taco twisting attire on so we passed the clothes. The next item on the pre-tour agenda was the signing of the 2nd waiver form. I am always surprised at just how quick we all sign this piece of paper. The fact that we could be in a freak accident on their ATV Tour and it would result in an oops or a sorry and nothing more, is insane. So we signed the waiver without hesitation. We then received our vehicle operation instructions along with hand signals that were ways to communicate the fact that the ATV in front of you was involved in a fiery crash over a 500 foot cliff with the rest of the group behind your ATV. We were all photographed in our Pre-tour state where we were all clean and then we were off on our ATV Adventure.
The first item at hand was the “Becoming One With Your ATV” portion of the tour. This was a portion of the tour where they tested your ability to keep you ATV in a straight line with all of the rest of the ATV's on the tour. This portion took place on the straightest road you have every seen. If somebody couldn't keep their ATV straight on this section of road they would definitely need to be taken to the countryside and beaten severely. With that boring and dusty portion out of the way we were now off into the deep jungle like depths of the island. The ride consisted of eating the dust thrown up from the ATV in front of you. Oh yeah did I mention we ate a lot of dust. We arrived at a really cool tunnel that went right through a mountain and was pitch black and a half a mile long. Our guide stopped everyone and made sure that we all had our headlights on. We entered the tunnel a quickly found out that the headlights were there so other people could see you, because they didn't work worth a shit as operator headlights. Hell Dennis can hardly see when conditions are ideal much less in a dark tunnel. We made our way through the tunnel like Stevie Wonder heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel. We made it through and were now of to a series of winding trails which made the ride more exciting. It could have been more exciting if we didn't have a Douche Bag in front of us that decided it would be a good time to have a leisurely drive through the fucking jungle. There were a few times when Dennis had the urge to pass this slow son of a bitch as there was plenty of open road in front of the Douche Bag.
During this tour it rapidly became apparent that the world is full of people who are only concerned with themselves and are clueless as to other people or things around them. We wound through narrow, bumpy, and dusty trails for the next hour eating more dust and dirt than anyone should eat in a lifetime. We arrived at the first of two private waterfalls. This waterfall was for a quick photo opportunity. This is also the first time we got to remove our helmets and goggles and got to see the contrast between the covered areas and the not so covered areas. Prior to proceeding to the waterfall the guide warned everyone to watch their step and to be especially caution of the wild boars that roam the underbrush in this area. We wound through a bamboo grove to a little picturesque waterfall and had our picture taken by one of the guides. We wound back through the bamboo grove to the ATV's and that's when Joanie encountered a wild boar. She screamed when she heard it grunt at her and I'm sure she shit herself to some extent. She was definitely in a full on piss yourself panic. That was when she realized that it was only one of our guides hiding in the bamboo and make wild boar noises to freak tourist out. Needless to say we all had a good laugh. We mounted our now filthy ATV and proceeded to travel a short way to the second private waterfall where you could swim and this is where we ate lunch. It was very beautiful and peaceful. I found it hard to believe that there were people that were paid to ride ATV's, scare the shit out of tourists and swim in a private waterfall, all the while in Paradise. I could so live here and do this job . . . I'm scheduling the move as I type.
After lunch was over it was time to head back to the starting point. We proceeded through a different set of narrow winding trails that had sections of mud where we were lucky enough to have some mud splatter on us like shit after a bad night of drinking. The last thing we went through before we hit the dusty trail was a small stream that got everyone wet but especially Dennis and myself in the front of the ATV. There was one problem with the nice water Douche we received it was followed by the dusty trail. It wasn't long before I realized that I couldn't see shit and if I couldn't see shit that means Dennis couldn't see shit . . . and he was fucking driving . . . AHHHHH! I promptly jumped into action as his copilot and wiped his goggles off. This smeared the mud like a nice brown shit smear on his goggles which only made matters worse . . . AHHHHH! I wiped and wiped until the shit smear was minimal. Dennis was an awesome driver and didn't slow down even though we were all screaming like little girls. We arrived back at the starting point and headed back to the ATV office to pick up my liscense which was offered up as collateral earlier in the day. When we arrived at the office they were playing a slideshow of our adventure. You guessed it we had to have one. So look for the pictures coming soon to the Photobucket page linked to this blog.
We arrived back at the homestead looking like a bunch of coal miners that had been trapped for a week or two . . . Finally . . . Showertime! We all had the same story of washing and washing and scrubbing and scrubbing and when we dried off . . . Dirt on the white towel. Some were worse than others which was evident from the dirt smear on Dennis' towel which resembled a giant fecal smear . . . I guess we would be washing the towels in the next load of laundry. After our showers we all had a drink to celebrate the fact that we made it out alive and discussed where we should go to dinner. We decided on a Mexican restaurant called LaBamba. We ate, we drank, we filled up with food that insured that we would have gas for three days and then we bought ice cream to take back to the add to the gas issue with lactose intolerance . . . gas plus the shit's . . . things are looking up. Well as luck would have it the ice cream went in the freezer because we were all too full to eat any more. Joanie and I went on my nightly walk to what I now refer to as Cigar Point. This is a nice place where there is a light house beacon amongst the lava rock a short walk from the homestead. The nightly ritual of a few beers and a cigar was nice and when we returned to the room the Crow's were asleep and we soon followed. What a fun filled day and I can't wait what is in store for the Castaway's tomorrow. Come back ya'll now . . . ya hear . . .
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
From Cowboys To Coochie . . . WTF Is Going On?
Gilligan's log August 15th 2011 . . .
The day was began at 6:00am and welcomed by an awesome sunrise and a Rockstar beverage. The rest of the Castaways greeted the day shortly after and the plans for the day were made. The one thing that wasn't on the plans though was Joanie walking in on Dennis while he was changing into his man thong. Joanie was a little startled but was soon at ease when Dennis started his dance moves . . . who knew that he could be on Americas Got talent. Well I have a confession to make I made the whole man thong and dancing part up . . . but can you imagine if it really happened that way. She did walk in on him but he had his shorts on and was only flashing his upper man bits when she barged in.
Today the first order of business was to go on the timeshare 90 presentation. That's right we volunteered to go on the presentation because they were going to give us a two night three day free accommodations at Polo Towers in Las Vegas. In case you were wondering we also volunteered the Crow's to attend too . . . they were ecstatic too!
The presentation started at 10:30am and like good little Castaways we were 10 minutes early and ready to have fun. We received our name tags and I promptly mixed them up on purpose. Pam was Ray, Joanie was Dennis, I was Pam and last but not least Dennis was supposed to be Joanie but he refused as he thought he would become gay if he wore a woman's name tag. The name game quickly came to an end when I put on Pam's name tag and that's when it happened . . . my penis fell off. As it's well known it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis . . Okay not really. We met our tour guide Rebecca and made our introductions. She went around the group asking where we lived and what we did for a living and that's when my alter ego entered the picture and I became Carlos the Drug Dealer from Salida California and Dennis was my brother from another marriage . . . What? Rebecca just smiled and said oookay . . . I will need to work on my shock talk if I'm to shake her up.
We were lead to the “Sales Room”and were offered sugary snacks so we would have our guards down and would be easier to lull us into agreeing to buy something. Rebecca returned with four Kukui Nut Leis. She explained that we were about to do the Hono Hono ceremony. This was awesome I get to do the Horney Horney ceremony to my wife in a public place Woo Hoo!
The Horney Horney ceremony was a success and there we all sat . . . Our nuts just hanging out for all to see . . . Sweet! It was your typical sales pitch of a meeting . . . We said no . . . They made a offer . . . the Crow's said no . . . they made and offer. This went back and forth for about thirty minutes with me acting up the entire time referring to my nuts hanging out and asking to hold Dennis' nuts, all in all having a good time. I figured that life is too short and it is unlikely that I will ever get to show my Kukui nuts to Rebecca again.
With the sales bullshit behind us and with $150.00 of free gift certificates and free stay certificate in hand it was off to the room. Once there we needed to get waterproof cameras for our upcoming adventures. We decided to go to Kapaa' to the ABC Store as this is usually the cheapest place to get items like this. As we were entering Lihue it was announce on the radio that a large portion of Kapaa' was without power so that was that and we made a detour for Kmart. After the shopping it was off to our home away from home for a bite to eat before our SCUBA lesson at 4:00pm. We made sure that there was the customary 90 minutes between the time we were eating and the SCUBA lesson as we did not want Dennis to have cramps and drown in the four and a half foot water.
Well it was 3:45pm and it was time to learn everything we never wanted to know about SCUBA SCUBA DOO! Our instructor was a past military instructor and was PDI certified . . . whatever that meant . . . but we were all in good hands. The groups were set and we were off to get our learn on. We were all strapped into our gear and handed a mask. The instructor then proceeded to instruct us and we proceeded to listen. We learned some very valuable skills like breathing under water with a regulator, standing up in the four feet of water if we were to get in trouble at any time. We also learned a shit load of hand signals that would rivaled anything Helen Keller would have learned in her youth as well as a butt load of information regarding all of the buttons dials and gauges that were strapped to us. Pam admitted later that she was very nervous that she was going to push the wrong button and inadvertently inflate her vest thus launching her out of the pool like a submarine missile. While putting on our masks Joanie thought it would be a good idea to put the regulator hose in her mouth to hold it. That's when it happened. Her unruly chewing gum decided to attech itself to the hose and dangle like a bright blue stalagmite when she removed the hose from her mouth. Luckily for her the instructor was busy instructing and the incident was like a huge government cover up with Pam instructing Joanie to hurry up and swallow it . . . So she did. The giggles continued and the hopes were that she would blow a huge blue bubble underwater into her respirator. We all survived the class and all actually enjoyed it . . . yippee for Joanie's idea. We exited the pool to a brisk breeze that froze our giblets off so it was off to the bar to purchase some Blue Hawaii's. Blue Hawaii's in hand and we were off to the hot tub. We arrived at the hot tub
We arrived at the hot tub and there was a older couple already in the tub. They were barbequing as there are barbeque's in the area. The one thing that were were not aware of it that the woman was wearing big black Granny Panties instead of a swim suit bottoms . . . What the Fuck Batman! Who does this shit . . . seriously this isn't your back yard in Arkansas you fucking hillbilly. I guess her hubby must have though we were all enjoying her fine 60 year old ass as he made her cover her black lace covered camel toe with a beach towel . . . God Bless This Man! As if this wasn't enough of an appetite suppression, out came an Oompa Loompa cowboy from what was probably TEXAS! The belt buckle the size of a Turkey Platter and his black ten gallon hat were tale tell signs that he was a rootin' tootin' cowboy. He had what can only be described as a jiggly jello ass and kankles. He waddled when he walked and jiggled when he stopped. He proceeded to park his ass on a lounge chair where he presented his balls to Pam's view. That's right kiddies . . . his balls were showing. Oh my god there is a reason this is the adult spa area . . . this kind of shit would scar small children for life. Fuckin' Hell . . . I am now in need of therapy and want to gouge my minds eye out with a spoon . . . there are some things that you just can't “Unsee”. We headed back to the room all in a state of disbelief from what we had all been witness to.
Even though we had just witnessed a horrifying mixture of old Coochie and big old Texas sized balls we decide it was snack time. After the snack the girls decided to go on a “Walk About” to Shipwreck beach to see if they could spot any turtles or monk seals. They returned about an hour later with reports of huge wave slamming the rocks and turtles having one hell of a time swimming due to the violent surf. We ate dinner watched a little TV and then all decided to get some sleep as we had a busy day tomorrow that includes our four hour ATV Tour which promises to be a great time full of good stories for the blog. Until tomorrow . . .
The day was began at 6:00am and welcomed by an awesome sunrise and a Rockstar beverage. The rest of the Castaways greeted the day shortly after and the plans for the day were made. The one thing that wasn't on the plans though was Joanie walking in on Dennis while he was changing into his man thong. Joanie was a little startled but was soon at ease when Dennis started his dance moves . . . who knew that he could be on Americas Got talent. Well I have a confession to make I made the whole man thong and dancing part up . . . but can you imagine if it really happened that way. She did walk in on him but he had his shorts on and was only flashing his upper man bits when she barged in.
Today the first order of business was to go on the timeshare 90 presentation. That's right we volunteered to go on the presentation because they were going to give us a two night three day free accommodations at Polo Towers in Las Vegas. In case you were wondering we also volunteered the Crow's to attend too . . . they were ecstatic too!
The presentation started at 10:30am and like good little Castaways we were 10 minutes early and ready to have fun. We received our name tags and I promptly mixed them up on purpose. Pam was Ray, Joanie was Dennis, I was Pam and last but not least Dennis was supposed to be Joanie but he refused as he thought he would become gay if he wore a woman's name tag. The name game quickly came to an end when I put on Pam's name tag and that's when it happened . . . my penis fell off. As it's well known it's all fun and games until someone loses a penis . . Okay not really. We met our tour guide Rebecca and made our introductions. She went around the group asking where we lived and what we did for a living and that's when my alter ego entered the picture and I became Carlos the Drug Dealer from Salida California and Dennis was my brother from another marriage . . . What? Rebecca just smiled and said oookay . . . I will need to work on my shock talk if I'm to shake her up.
We were lead to the “Sales Room”and were offered sugary snacks so we would have our guards down and would be easier to lull us into agreeing to buy something. Rebecca returned with four Kukui Nut Leis. She explained that we were about to do the Hono Hono ceremony. This was awesome I get to do the Horney Horney ceremony to my wife in a public place Woo Hoo!
The Horney Horney ceremony was a success and there we all sat . . . Our nuts just hanging out for all to see . . . Sweet! It was your typical sales pitch of a meeting . . . We said no . . . They made a offer . . . the Crow's said no . . . they made and offer. This went back and forth for about thirty minutes with me acting up the entire time referring to my nuts hanging out and asking to hold Dennis' nuts, all in all having a good time. I figured that life is too short and it is unlikely that I will ever get to show my Kukui nuts to Rebecca again.
With the sales bullshit behind us and with $150.00 of free gift certificates and free stay certificate in hand it was off to the room. Once there we needed to get waterproof cameras for our upcoming adventures. We decided to go to Kapaa' to the ABC Store as this is usually the cheapest place to get items like this. As we were entering Lihue it was announce on the radio that a large portion of Kapaa' was without power so that was that and we made a detour for Kmart. After the shopping it was off to our home away from home for a bite to eat before our SCUBA lesson at 4:00pm. We made sure that there was the customary 90 minutes between the time we were eating and the SCUBA lesson as we did not want Dennis to have cramps and drown in the four and a half foot water.
Well it was 3:45pm and it was time to learn everything we never wanted to know about SCUBA SCUBA DOO! Our instructor was a past military instructor and was PDI certified . . . whatever that meant . . . but we were all in good hands. The groups were set and we were off to get our learn on. We were all strapped into our gear and handed a mask. The instructor then proceeded to instruct us and we proceeded to listen. We learned some very valuable skills like breathing under water with a regulator, standing up in the four feet of water if we were to get in trouble at any time. We also learned a shit load of hand signals that would rivaled anything Helen Keller would have learned in her youth as well as a butt load of information regarding all of the buttons dials and gauges that were strapped to us. Pam admitted later that she was very nervous that she was going to push the wrong button and inadvertently inflate her vest thus launching her out of the pool like a submarine missile. While putting on our masks Joanie thought it would be a good idea to put the regulator hose in her mouth to hold it. That's when it happened. Her unruly chewing gum decided to attech itself to the hose and dangle like a bright blue stalagmite when she removed the hose from her mouth. Luckily for her the instructor was busy instructing and the incident was like a huge government cover up with Pam instructing Joanie to hurry up and swallow it . . . So she did. The giggles continued and the hopes were that she would blow a huge blue bubble underwater into her respirator. We all survived the class and all actually enjoyed it . . . yippee for Joanie's idea. We exited the pool to a brisk breeze that froze our giblets off so it was off to the bar to purchase some Blue Hawaii's. Blue Hawaii's in hand and we were off to the hot tub. We arrived at the hot tub
We arrived at the hot tub and there was a older couple already in the tub. They were barbequing as there are barbeque's in the area. The one thing that were were not aware of it that the woman was wearing big black Granny Panties instead of a swim suit bottoms . . . What the Fuck Batman! Who does this shit . . . seriously this isn't your back yard in Arkansas you fucking hillbilly. I guess her hubby must have though we were all enjoying her fine 60 year old ass as he made her cover her black lace covered camel toe with a beach towel . . . God Bless This Man! As if this wasn't enough of an appetite suppression, out came an Oompa Loompa cowboy from what was probably TEXAS! The belt buckle the size of a Turkey Platter and his black ten gallon hat were tale tell signs that he was a rootin' tootin' cowboy. He had what can only be described as a jiggly jello ass and kankles. He waddled when he walked and jiggled when he stopped. He proceeded to park his ass on a lounge chair where he presented his balls to Pam's view. That's right kiddies . . . his balls were showing. Oh my god there is a reason this is the adult spa area . . . this kind of shit would scar small children for life. Fuckin' Hell . . . I am now in need of therapy and want to gouge my minds eye out with a spoon . . . there are some things that you just can't “Unsee”. We headed back to the room all in a state of disbelief from what we had all been witness to.
Even though we had just witnessed a horrifying mixture of old Coochie and big old Texas sized balls we decide it was snack time. After the snack the girls decided to go on a “Walk About” to Shipwreck beach to see if they could spot any turtles or monk seals. They returned about an hour later with reports of huge wave slamming the rocks and turtles having one hell of a time swimming due to the violent surf. We ate dinner watched a little TV and then all decided to get some sleep as we had a busy day tomorrow that includes our four hour ATV Tour which promises to be a great time full of good stories for the blog. Until tomorrow . . .
Monday, August 15, 2011
Costco . . . Who Doesn't Love Costco? ? ?
Gilligan's log August 13th 7:00am . . .
The Castaways found out just what a three hour ahead time change meant to their internal clocks. We were all still on O Town time and were all wrestling with the idea of getting out of bed at 5:30ish, but we all fought the urge and started our morning rituals at 7:00am.
We gathered on te balcony of our beautiful home away from home and planned the days events. They included another supply trip, only this time instead of Wal-Mart it was going to be a trip to everyone's favorite warehouse store . . . Costco! So we ate a quick Pop Tart breakfast and we were of to Costco. There was nothing blog worthy that happened at Costco, at least nothing any of you would want to read. After Costco we needed to get a few items that we didn't need a enormous tub of, so it was off to a small mom and pop store. We got our remaining items and Joanie and Me had the pleasure of seeing Pam and Dennis' faces when they saw tomatoes were $5.00 per pound and lettuce was $2.56 for 1 head. If this doesn't get a great big HOLY SHIT nothing does. After the shock wore off it was back to home to unload and have a nice lunch on the balcony.
After we had our luch it was finally time to take the Crow's on a tour of the grounds here at the Point at Poipu. We walked, took pictures and Joanie even signed us all up for a poolside SCUBA lesson tomorrow at 4:00pm. This promises to be a blog worthy event as we found out that Dennis is what he believed to be SCUBA certified, but I like to refer to as Scooby Dooby Certified. So stay tuned for that entry tomorrow. There were many pictures taken on or outing and I will try and post them today on our Photo Bucket page. The link can be found on the right hand side of this page.
We returned to our palace in paradise to relax with a few adult beverages. I know . . . I know it's about time. During our relaxation time we decided to go on a road trip to Jo Jo's Shaved Ice. This is the best shaved ice on the island and well worth the 30 minute drive to stand in line in a converted garage like a junkie looking for a fix. Once you score your heroine I mean shaved ice you are in mmm town. With a few fruit flavored brain freezes and some spilled ice we finished our treats. However during our dining time something became very aparent . . . Pam loves lizards. That's right she loves them as much as having bamboo splinters shoved under her fingernails. The entire time she was eating her ice she was keeping a watchful eye on her best good friends . . . the Lizards!
After our Icey Goodness was completed we drove around and looked at few sights finally ending up in Old Koloa Town where we all went from quaint shop to quaint shop looking for that all important trinket that would add that all important weight to our return luggage. We made it back to the homestead freshened up and decided to head out to get a bite to eat. We went to a local restruant and had an awesome hamburgere complete with a Cokehead Hostess, an old Asian waitress and some live entertainment that included numerous renditions of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bobby Vinton tune, just to name a few. It was all we could do to keep Pam from dancing her ass off. After dinner and a quick trip into a few more shops and we were back at the Point.
Pam and Joanie decide to go to the pool and spa while Dennis and I headed to the local light beacon for a few beers and a cigar. While at my favorite place to have a cigar Dennis took varioius pictures of the wicked full moon that out. We were also damn near hit by a local bird call the starlight something or other. in the darkness these fucking thing look like an albatross with a score to settle. It was not happy that we were invading it's night time breeding grounds and I think it was looking for something to have sex with. All I knew is it wasn't gonna be me . . . Sorry Dennis. I'm not about to take it up the ass from a trardactyl with a twenty foot wingspan for nobody. After a few beers, a few close calls from the taradactyl and a cigar we returned to home, but not before a stop to feel the water in the spa. there were to gentlemen together in the spa that invited us to get in the spa with them and frolic. now I don't where you all are from but that's just not right and maybe even a little gay. Since neither myself or Dennis are attracted to men and the fact that it didn't happen as I just embelished the whole gay offer part we went back to our room and met up with the wives whoe were enjoying another adult beverage on the balcony.
Soon it was off to the shower and off to bed. Stay tuned for tomorrows Castaway adventures . . .
The Castaways found out just what a three hour ahead time change meant to their internal clocks. We were all still on O Town time and were all wrestling with the idea of getting out of bed at 5:30ish, but we all fought the urge and started our morning rituals at 7:00am.
We gathered on te balcony of our beautiful home away from home and planned the days events. They included another supply trip, only this time instead of Wal-Mart it was going to be a trip to everyone's favorite warehouse store . . . Costco! So we ate a quick Pop Tart breakfast and we were of to Costco. There was nothing blog worthy that happened at Costco, at least nothing any of you would want to read. After Costco we needed to get a few items that we didn't need a enormous tub of, so it was off to a small mom and pop store. We got our remaining items and Joanie and Me had the pleasure of seeing Pam and Dennis' faces when they saw tomatoes were $5.00 per pound and lettuce was $2.56 for 1 head. If this doesn't get a great big HOLY SHIT nothing does. After the shock wore off it was back to home to unload and have a nice lunch on the balcony.
After we had our luch it was finally time to take the Crow's on a tour of the grounds here at the Point at Poipu. We walked, took pictures and Joanie even signed us all up for a poolside SCUBA lesson tomorrow at 4:00pm. This promises to be a blog worthy event as we found out that Dennis is what he believed to be SCUBA certified, but I like to refer to as Scooby Dooby Certified. So stay tuned for that entry tomorrow. There were many pictures taken on or outing and I will try and post them today on our Photo Bucket page. The link can be found on the right hand side of this page.
We returned to our palace in paradise to relax with a few adult beverages. I know . . . I know it's about time. During our relaxation time we decided to go on a road trip to Jo Jo's Shaved Ice. This is the best shaved ice on the island and well worth the 30 minute drive to stand in line in a converted garage like a junkie looking for a fix. Once you score your heroine I mean shaved ice you are in mmm town. With a few fruit flavored brain freezes and some spilled ice we finished our treats. However during our dining time something became very aparent . . . Pam loves lizards. That's right she loves them as much as having bamboo splinters shoved under her fingernails. The entire time she was eating her ice she was keeping a watchful eye on her best good friends . . . the Lizards!
After our Icey Goodness was completed we drove around and looked at few sights finally ending up in Old Koloa Town where we all went from quaint shop to quaint shop looking for that all important trinket that would add that all important weight to our return luggage. We made it back to the homestead freshened up and decided to head out to get a bite to eat. We went to a local restruant and had an awesome hamburgere complete with a Cokehead Hostess, an old Asian waitress and some live entertainment that included numerous renditions of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bobby Vinton tune, just to name a few. It was all we could do to keep Pam from dancing her ass off. After dinner and a quick trip into a few more shops and we were back at the Point.
Pam and Joanie decide to go to the pool and spa while Dennis and I headed to the local light beacon for a few beers and a cigar. While at my favorite place to have a cigar Dennis took varioius pictures of the wicked full moon that out. We were also damn near hit by a local bird call the starlight something or other. in the darkness these fucking thing look like an albatross with a score to settle. It was not happy that we were invading it's night time breeding grounds and I think it was looking for something to have sex with. All I knew is it wasn't gonna be me . . . Sorry Dennis. I'm not about to take it up the ass from a trardactyl with a twenty foot wingspan for nobody. After a few beers, a few close calls from the taradactyl and a cigar we returned to home, but not before a stop to feel the water in the spa. there were to gentlemen together in the spa that invited us to get in the spa with them and frolic. now I don't where you all are from but that's just not right and maybe even a little gay. Since neither myself or Dennis are attracted to men and the fact that it didn't happen as I just embelished the whole gay offer part we went back to our room and met up with the wives whoe were enjoying another adult beverage on the balcony.
Soon it was off to the shower and off to bed. Stay tuned for tomorrows Castaway adventures . . .
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