For those of you who follow my blog know that I blog about my many adventures when I travel somewhere. Well this time is no exception. This trip as the title suggests is a trip with the wife and her sister to Las Vegas. Yes Las Vegas . . . In August, what the fuck was I thinking right!?! We recently discovered that Las Vegas is suffering from a swarm of millions of grasshoppers . . . So this trip should be full of humor and horrors galore . . . And oh yeah the wife's sister is 50 and never been to Sin City. Let the fun begin . . .
We arrived at the Stockton airport about 1 1/2 hour before our flight was to depart so what do you with a hour and a half to burn . . . You go to the bar for a drink of course. After a round of adult beverages it was time to hit the TSA check point and of course for anyone who follows my travels knows that nothing ever goes smoothly. It started with my armpit setting off the body scanner. That's right my fucking armpit. I guess I should be glad it wasn't my dick as usual. Yup you have read that correctly . . . My past three flights I have had the pleasure of having a TSA agent feel up my junk. After a quick pit search it was on to the wife's items being gone through like the terrorist that she is. Her meds like she was fucking drug mule, her keys like she stole the keys to the fucking plane and last but not least her jewelry like she was smuggling blood diamonds . . . It's like the TSA have never seen these item . . . Seriously WTF.
Off to board the plane . . .
So we get on the plane and get settled in our seats and low and behold the two year old two rows behind us starts what can only be described as a screaming display that rivals the best horror movies ever produced. This went on for a good 30 minutes as we sat there prisoners in our metal tube of a prison.
It was now time to taxi and take off . . . But wait there's more. The captain comes on the radio and proceeds to tell us that they cannot take off as there is a warning light that wont go off and they are working on it with maintenance staff to figure it out. So we flipped a bitch and returned to the terminal to figure it out . . . All the while screaming Mimi screaming at the top of its lungs . . . For Fuck Sake someone put a titty in its mouth. Hell at this point I'm willing to use my voluptuous man boobs.
Well another 30 minutes went by and now it's time for try number two. This time we have lift with a hi ho silver and screaming baby away . . . The flight was uneventful if you don't count the screaming banshee two rows back. Who travels with a baby and doesn't slip them a benadryl cocktail before ther flight . . . Seriously!
The approach to the Las Vegas was a little bumpy and we attributed it to the potholes in the Nevada skies . . . Even though the approach was bumpy the landing was smooth like butta . . . We exited our metal prison at the gate located somewhere in bumb fuck Egypt. The next stop was baggage cliem which was our first 5 mile hike of this trip. With luggage in hand off to the taxi stand and the ride to the timeshare. The ride went great and I held the drivers hand the whole ride as we bonded immediately . . . Just kidding. We arrived at VIP check in where we were greeted by the friendly staff and our check in member . . . Let's call her chatty Cathy. She was very nice and gave us a hook up on show tickets . . . But let's just say she gave Joanie a ring for her money in the wordsmithing department. With our check in done in an amazing 35 minutes it was off to our home away from home. Everything with the room was good . . . Thank you Jesus.
Our next leg of our journey wa our routine uber trip to the grocery store to purchase our provisions for the week Our uber driver . . . Let's just call him Fred . . . Because it goes with Lucy, Ethel's and Ricky's Vegas vacation. He also was quite the conversationalist as he was very open about telling us about his kidney transplant, the cost of his medication and the fact that he was fired from a casino where he was a craps dealer for 15 years . . . Shady . . . Maybe but he was super nice and helpful.
We arrived back at the timeshare with a buttload of groceries that required the bellman's help . . . Damn you would think we moved here permanently . . . It's probably because we shopped hungry . . . Go figure! We loaded the fridge and pantry then it was off to and overdue food stop. This was our second 5 mile hike of the trip to the PBR bar and grill where dinner and drinks were amazing . . . Well let's be honest . . . It could have recycled from the south end of a bull because we were that hungry . . . Truth is it really was good. Our next mission . . . Which we accepted even though our legs were rapidly giving out . . . Was to locate and buy Joanies required weekly ration of Starbucks Caramel Frappuccinos. We search high and low with no luck . . . Until finally we spotted the caramel colored pot of gold at the end of the rainbow know as Walgreens. with purchase in hand it was back to from what now will be known as the igloo as the air conditioning was cranked down and was working amazing. Bed time for the three ice cubes and this concludes the end of day one . . . Stay tuned . . . .
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment