Gilligan's log August 12th (Part 2)10:00pm . . .
When we last left the Castaways they were winging their way across the Pacific Ocean to Honolulu Airport. Well as luck would have their flight arrived safely without any problems . . . not even a crying baby!
The first order of business was to locate our next flights departure gate. This we soon found out was located on the other end of the airport. This information in most airports is usually enough to send you into a panic but this airport was nothing like LAX. We made our way the gate 52 in no time. The next item on te agenda was to have Pam and Dennis get their seat assignment's, because for some reason when the flight information was changed a few months ago the computer system wanted a ticket agent to meet them . . . So off to the Hawaiian Airlines Service Desk.
At the service desk there was a long ass line but like with everything here on the islands it was all handled with a smile and a friendly Aloha so the time in line went by fast. The seat assignment went off without a hitch too! Well that is if you count Pam being in an exit row helping everyone in the event of an emergency. I told the ticket agent that that would not be a problem as Pam would definitely ensure that the door and evacuation slide operated properly as she would be the first one trough the door . . . whether it was opened or not!
We had time to kill so it was snack time and my first chance to be reacquainted with just how much various items are on the island, much less in an airport. I bought a can of diet Pepsi, a diet Rockstar and two bags of chips all for the everyday low low price of $14.78 . . . Holy Shit! We re energized ourselves with our newly acquired Platinum snacks and before we knew it it was time to board the plane. As most of you who know me know that I don't play my “Disability Card”. Well it was time that I did. They announced the pre-boarding announcement that they were boarding people in wheelchairs, people with disabilities who needed assistance and First Class passengers. Well I wasted no time, they did announce First Class passengers and I figured that if they didn't recognize me as a First Class person the “Stump” would help with the disabled thingy. I soon realized why I don't use my disability card. As I walked across the seating area to the gate, there were an enormous amount of stares from people who were wanting to get a glimpse of what condition I had that would enable me to board the plane before them. Well the best part was when their stares were met with my direct eye contact. It was at that very moment when the stares turned into what I like to call “Eye Pity”. That's when the rush of guilt enters the eyes of the person who is staring. I like to make this moment as awkward for them as possible . . . that's the whole point of the definite eye contact back at them. I soon was at the gate showing my boarding pass and had my fun. I must admit being let on the plane early is definitely the way to go. There are no impatient people pushing and trying to get their items into the overhead bins before you. It was just me, three other people and two flight attendants. I think my disability card will be played more often in the future that is for sure. Soon the rest of the passengers were allowed to join us “special people”. The plane was loaded, Joanie was sitting next some Bitchy lady who was posing as a flight attendant. We found out later that when Joanie went to sit down the “Bitch” asked to see her boarding pass to verify that this was in fact Joanie's seat. Now there are certain times when Joanie can be . . . well lets just say . . . Like this fake flight attendant. Needless to say Joanie was not a happy camper when we arrived in Kauai. The only good thing was this flight took longer to board than it did to fly to Kauai. It was a grueling 25 minute flight . . . barely enough time for the flight attendants to pass out juice and collect the trash. Now to baggage claim and rental car . . .
We went to the baggage claim area where something totally amazing happened. The bags began coming onto the carousel four of the first five bags were all our bags . . . Holy Shit . . . Time to play the lottery! We gathered our bags and were off to face the rental car shuttle and rental car facility crowds. We crossed the street and the first shuttle we came to was ours . . . Once again . . . Holy Shit! The driver loaded the luggage and we were off to the rental car counter in a matter of a few minutes . . . Holy Shit! We arrived at the Alamo Rental car counter and were greeted by four agents waiting to help with not a single person in line . . . Holy Shit . . . this was like something from the Twilight Zone! We were in and out of the rental car place in a matter of 5 minutes . . . Holy Shit! We loaded everything into the back of the S.S. Escape and were on the road to our home away from home. We arrived at the homestead and after a short wait in line we were checked in very quickly . . . Holy Shit! We were then shown to the Concierge desk and were welcomed by a very enthusiastic group of people where we were all promptly laid. They had us lay our respective spouses as they did not want our vacation here starting off on the wrong foot . . . Holy Shit! We were promptly signed up on a VIP tour of the rounds set for Monday. This is the sales pitch portion of all of our Timeshare adventures. I like going on these because they always give you a couple of hundred dollars in gift certificates plus a free three day stay at one of the many locations they manage. Vegas here we come!!!!
After we stowed our belongings in the unit and a quick room by room ooo and ahh tour we were off to Wal-Mart and Kmart to shop for supplies. There is a law on the island that they do not give you bags when you buy items at the store. You have to buy reusable ones at $.50 a piece . . . Holy Shit! This all went so well it deserves a great big . . . Holy Shit! We arrived back after our trip to town to unload our provisions with multiple trips . . . yup you guessed it . . . Holy Shit!
We stashed our Wal-Mart finds then off to dinner at the local Taco Bell. That's right we have to support our oldest son as he works at the warehouse that supplies Taco Bell with their supplies . . . So there! After our delicious dinner it was back to the home away from home to unwind after a busy long ass day a few beers and a non ball scalding shower it was time for bed.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Holy Flight To Honolulu . . .
Gilligans log August 12th 11:15am . . .
We had the wake up call set for 5:30am. However Joanie had a different idea . . . that's right . . . 4:40am was when to rooster crowed in the O Town Taj Mahal Suite 322. It was time for Joanie to blurt out obscenities as her bush was burned like in the bible and she became the proud owner of her very own "Tit-Cicles". This was by far the fastest shower I think she has ever taken. The rest of the mornings fluff and beautification process went of without a hitch. Even the reassembling of the Rubik's Cube Puzzle Packing job went off without a single obscenity being uttered . . . I know . . . Wow!
It was now time to meet the other two Castaways and begin our second phase of our journey. We had caffeine in hand and were off to wait for the shuttle to the O Town Airport. So our parade of luggage was maneuvered to the boarding/waiting area where we arrived in one piece and without serious injury. While we were waiting for the shuttle to arrive we played luggage dominoes. This is where various pieces of luggage are made top heavy and we see just how many we can knock them over so we could bend over and pick them up. Joanie won this game not only knocking her four pieces over but Dennis' two as well . . . winner winner chicken dinner!
The shuttle arrived and the driver was nice enough to load all of the numerous bags we had brought. There was a moment when he looked like was ready to tap out, but shortly caught his second wind and pushed through the pain. We all boarded the guided missile I mean the shuttle to the O Town Airport. This Fucking Lightning Luge to the O Town Airport was every bit as exciting as a car crash while it's happening. With the Jack Rabbit starts and the Fucking Stevie Wonder stops we made it to the airport in a little over 3 minutes, and that was stopping at two red lights too!
We arrived at the O Town Airport shaken and slightly stirred but all in one piece. The check was quick and painless. Then it was on to security . . .
This was the familiar steps as in everyones travel except that the TSA officers thought I must have been smuggling bomb or drugs in my stump cover because they ordered me to the "Pat Down" area where I was ordered to strip to my underwear so they could do a thorough search . . ..just kidding . . . they jusy wanted me to reveal my magical fingerless stump. So with all the flair of Sigfreid and Roy I unveiled the bony little thing and even tried to touch captain TSA with it. He was having nothing to do with that and quickly excused me from the "Pat Down" area. We ate breakfast at Chili's without anything to report.
We then went to our gate waited to board our "Plane to Paradise". Boarding went smooth, the take off was smooth too and Pam was very well behaved. She only stood up once and screamed let me off just at the beginning when we were taxiing to take off. The stewardess wasted no time at all unholstering her taser and tasering Pam to calm her down. That actually didn't happen either but what a good read though huh? Well we are just sitting in our seats awaiting our 12:10pm arrival in Honolulu.
Stay tuned for part 2 of the arrival day saga . . .
We had the wake up call set for 5:30am. However Joanie had a different idea . . . that's right . . . 4:40am was when to rooster crowed in the O Town Taj Mahal Suite 322. It was time for Joanie to blurt out obscenities as her bush was burned like in the bible and she became the proud owner of her very own "Tit-Cicles". This was by far the fastest shower I think she has ever taken. The rest of the mornings fluff and beautification process went of without a hitch. Even the reassembling of the Rubik's Cube Puzzle Packing job went off without a single obscenity being uttered . . . I know . . . Wow!
It was now time to meet the other two Castaways and begin our second phase of our journey. We had caffeine in hand and were off to wait for the shuttle to the O Town Airport. So our parade of luggage was maneuvered to the boarding/waiting area where we arrived in one piece and without serious injury. While we were waiting for the shuttle to arrive we played luggage dominoes. This is where various pieces of luggage are made top heavy and we see just how many we can knock them over so we could bend over and pick them up. Joanie won this game not only knocking her four pieces over but Dennis' two as well . . . winner winner chicken dinner!
The shuttle arrived and the driver was nice enough to load all of the numerous bags we had brought. There was a moment when he looked like was ready to tap out, but shortly caught his second wind and pushed through the pain. We all boarded the guided missile I mean the shuttle to the O Town Airport. This Fucking Lightning Luge to the O Town Airport was every bit as exciting as a car crash while it's happening. With the Jack Rabbit starts and the Fucking Stevie Wonder stops we made it to the airport in a little over 3 minutes, and that was stopping at two red lights too!
We arrived at the O Town Airport shaken and slightly stirred but all in one piece. The check was quick and painless. Then it was on to security . . .
This was the familiar steps as in everyones travel except that the TSA officers thought I must have been smuggling bomb or drugs in my stump cover because they ordered me to the "Pat Down" area where I was ordered to strip to my underwear so they could do a thorough search . . ..just kidding . . . they jusy wanted me to reveal my magical fingerless stump. So with all the flair of Sigfreid and Roy I unveiled the bony little thing and even tried to touch captain TSA with it. He was having nothing to do with that and quickly excused me from the "Pat Down" area. We ate breakfast at Chili's without anything to report.
We then went to our gate waited to board our "Plane to Paradise". Boarding went smooth, the take off was smooth too and Pam was very well behaved. She only stood up once and screamed let me off just at the beginning when we were taxiing to take off. The stewardess wasted no time at all unholstering her taser and tasering Pam to calm her down. That actually didn't happen either but what a good read though huh? Well we are just sitting in our seats awaiting our 12:10pm arrival in Honolulu.
Stay tuned for part 2 of the arrival day saga . . .
After The Blog . . . Behind The Scenes.
Gilligans log August 12th 10:00am blogging while on the on the flight to Honolulu . . .
Last night after I was done blogging it was shower time or as I like to refer to it as the "Scald My Balls" session or was it the "Freeze My Foreskin Fiasco" . . . either way it was horrifying. The shower was turned on, the water temp was adjusted . . . or so I thought. I should have known something was up when I was soaping my baldness (My Actual Skull For My Fellow Perverts) up for a nice shave. It was at that moment that I received a quick "Brain Freeze" followed by a quick "Folical Fire". This left me in a state of "What The Fuck" . . . no seriously . . . I said "What The Fuck" out loud. The water temperature quickly settled down . . . or so I thought. This shower was nothing short of a test of just how durable my "Twig And Berries" were. I'm here today to tell you it was touch and go for a while but after applying burn cream to My Balls and an ice bag to My Shaft it was finally bed time.
The sleep last night was restless to say the least. It was a series of car alarms being set with the familiar Beep Beep sound until all hours of the night. Followed by the slamming of room doors and shower for all. I just hoped that their Genitals sufferd the same torture as mine.
Last night after I was done blogging it was shower time or as I like to refer to it as the "Scald My Balls" session or was it the "Freeze My Foreskin Fiasco" . . . either way it was horrifying. The shower was turned on, the water temp was adjusted . . . or so I thought. I should have known something was up when I was soaping my baldness (My Actual Skull For My Fellow Perverts) up for a nice shave. It was at that moment that I received a quick "Brain Freeze" followed by a quick "Folical Fire". This left me in a state of "What The Fuck" . . . no seriously . . . I said "What The Fuck" out loud. The water temperature quickly settled down . . . or so I thought. This shower was nothing short of a test of just how durable my "Twig And Berries" were. I'm here today to tell you it was touch and go for a while but after applying burn cream to My Balls and an ice bag to My Shaft it was finally bed time.
The sleep last night was restless to say the least. It was a series of car alarms being set with the familiar Beep Beep sound until all hours of the night. Followed by the slamming of room doors and shower for all. I just hoped that their Genitals sufferd the same torture as mine.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Bed Bugs to Boat Trash . . . Let The Adventure Begin!
Let's start off by going back in time to Thursday night at around 11:00pm . . .
Joanie had been working all day . . . little by little packing our enormous suitcase as she likes to say . . . with everything including the kitchen sink. So I offered to weigh it to get an idea as to how much more she could add before the airline would reject the bag entirely. Well you guessed it only 7 pounds and reject time was here. The air in our bedroom rang with the sound of "Son of a BITCH"! Let the fit throwing I mean item throwing begin. With a snap snap here and a throw throw here the bag was slowly getting lighter . . . I decided it was shower time.
While in the shower I had an excellent thought . . . no not that you perverts. I thought that if it is going to cost us $50 dollars to check our bag that weighed 75 pounds why not split it up into two separate checked bags each weighing 50 pounds for a total of 100 pounds for the same price . . . Oh my God I'm a Genius when I'm in the shower. I guess I should have on installed at work. I shared my idea with Joanie and realized the wound of working all day packing and the idea of unpacking were mixing with anger like oil and water or at the very least some type of explosive . . . BAM! Well after she let the idea marinate for a few minutes she started throwing . . . I mean removing various items from the enormous suitcase and throwing . . . I mean transferring them into the two smaller suitcases.
To my delight the stress started to drain from Joanie's body like the proverbial bathtub of shit that it was. Life was good again. Not only did everything fit there was room for a few things that were abandoned in the shit storm.
Now on to the present day . . .
Gilligan's Log Friday August 12th 12:20pm . . . the Crows arrive. the crows arrived it our vessel for the first leg of our journey . . . the trip to O Town for our sleep - park - fly adventure. We packed the 8 suitcase's and 4 backpacks in the rear of S.S. Durango and gathered for a Bon Voyage Picture . . . DAMN WE ARE A GOOD LOOKING BUNCH! After the goodbyes and wishes for a safe trip were exchanged we stepped aboard our trusty vessel and we were off . . . It was about time! :)
Our Journey was successful with the assistance of Our Tom Tom GPS cleverly disguised as Eric Cartman. So with a few references to Kyles Mom's Vagina and some name calling by Mr. Cartman we arrived safely at the Day's Hotel in O town. We checked in very quickly and were off to take our luggage to our respective rooms. We entered the first floor to a nice warm rush of the smell of ass matter and old sweaty balls . . . Holy Shit let the good times roll. We crammed into the elevator and proceeded to the third floor hoping that the smell of ass was confined to the first floor . . . luckily it was. We entered our rooms and Bed Bug Barney (Dennis), with Clark Pest Control, was off to work. The check for bed bugs was on and I am proud to report resulted in an "All Clear" report.
Bed Bugs . . . Check!
With that all important pest inspection completed it was off to fisherman's wharf for dinner. With a few more references to Kyle moms vagina we arrived at the parking garage across from Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. The plan was for dinner at Bubba Gumps . . . But first a quick stop to buy Joanie a sweatshirt. I had forgot to load her sweatshirt at the house and it was a sweltering 64 degrees and breezy on the pier. With sweatshirt on we made our way to Bubba Gumps on pier 39. After we were seated the first order of business was at hand . . . DRINKS . . . More precisely . . . BLUE HAWAII'S ALL AROUND! this was followed by hor'dourves and 4 buckets of Boat Trash. It was on fine meal that's for sure. As we left the restaurant Dennis began to feel the grumble of what was possibly a Colon Cleanse session. So back to the restroom to drop a bomb . . . KABOOM.
The "Post Bomb" adventure had definite agenda items planned . . . that of the Candy store and Ms. Fields Cookie store . . . Shit so much for the diet . . . hell who cares it's vacation time. :)
With goodies in hand it was off to the S.S. Durango to begin our journey back to the O Town Taj Mahal. It was only a mere 45 minute to get from Fisherman's Wharf onto the bay Bridge . . . There are some very rude and angry people in this city. So I decided to join them in a bout of tourettes syndrome outbursts. So after various references to vagina's and some well placed "Fuck Yous" traffic was on the move. We were again at the mercy of Eric Cartman guiding us merrily back to our hotel by way Kyles Mom's Vagina along with a few "Fucking Jew" references. Well Cartman proceeded to take us on a scenic route of a very isolated and industrial area of O Town. Thank god the S.S. Durango did leaves us stranded here. After a few minutes of tension we were back on track and minutes later the O Town Taj Mahal was in sight.
We arrived safely back at our hotel. We parked the S.S. Durango where it would be safe for the next 14 days and while positioning the sunshades and the parking pass the rear view mirror felt it was time to leave the windshield and fall off like the wheels of a cheap suitcase . . . we laughed so hard I Peed a little. I think I need to pick up some Poise light bladder leakage pads if this sort of thing continues . . . DAMN!
So with the warm welcoming Smell of Ass and a quick elevator ride we were in our rooms . . . but wait . . . something was missing . . . MILK! So it was decided to walk to AM/PM to purchase some moo juice and midnight snacks. That's right . . . 4 very white people on foot on the streets of O Town. With AM/PM only 1 block away we felt relatively safe in our planned outing. that was until we met some of O Towns finest homeless people panhandling outside the AM/PM. Joanie tightened her grip on my arm like a God Damn Boa Constrictor . . . OWWW!. Safely inside of AM/PM, moo juice and snack were purchased . . . but wait . . . how are we going to pass by the homeless people on foot with Ho Ho's and Yoo-Hoo in a bag, without being robbed? We did what any white person visiting O Town would do in a very uncomfortable situation . . . We proceeded to sneak out the back and around rear of the store to avoid the harassment of the homeless. With some serious butt puckering of our little white assess were we once again hit in the face with the familiar smel of Eau'de Ass, with a quick elevator ride we went into our respective suites (not really) for the evening.
Today was an adventure full of laughs and the Smell of Ass . . . we can't wait to see what tomorrow brings . . . until then . . . Gilligan out!
Joanie had been working all day . . . little by little packing our enormous suitcase as she likes to say . . . with everything including the kitchen sink. So I offered to weigh it to get an idea as to how much more she could add before the airline would reject the bag entirely. Well you guessed it only 7 pounds and reject time was here. The air in our bedroom rang with the sound of "Son of a BITCH"! Let the fit throwing I mean item throwing begin. With a snap snap here and a throw throw here the bag was slowly getting lighter . . . I decided it was shower time.
While in the shower I had an excellent thought . . . no not that you perverts. I thought that if it is going to cost us $50 dollars to check our bag that weighed 75 pounds why not split it up into two separate checked bags each weighing 50 pounds for a total of 100 pounds for the same price . . . Oh my God I'm a Genius when I'm in the shower. I guess I should have on installed at work. I shared my idea with Joanie and realized the wound of working all day packing and the idea of unpacking were mixing with anger like oil and water or at the very least some type of explosive . . . BAM! Well after she let the idea marinate for a few minutes she started throwing . . . I mean removing various items from the enormous suitcase and throwing . . . I mean transferring them into the two smaller suitcases.
To my delight the stress started to drain from Joanie's body like the proverbial bathtub of shit that it was. Life was good again. Not only did everything fit there was room for a few things that were abandoned in the shit storm.
Now on to the present day . . .
Gilligan's Log Friday August 12th 12:20pm . . . the Crows arrive. the crows arrived it our vessel for the first leg of our journey . . . the trip to O Town for our sleep - park - fly adventure. We packed the 8 suitcase's and 4 backpacks in the rear of S.S. Durango and gathered for a Bon Voyage Picture . . . DAMN WE ARE A GOOD LOOKING BUNCH! After the goodbyes and wishes for a safe trip were exchanged we stepped aboard our trusty vessel and we were off . . . It was about time! :)
Our Journey was successful with the assistance of Our Tom Tom GPS cleverly disguised as Eric Cartman. So with a few references to Kyles Mom's Vagina and some name calling by Mr. Cartman we arrived safely at the Day's Hotel in O town. We checked in very quickly and were off to take our luggage to our respective rooms. We entered the first floor to a nice warm rush of the smell of ass matter and old sweaty balls . . . Holy Shit let the good times roll. We crammed into the elevator and proceeded to the third floor hoping that the smell of ass was confined to the first floor . . . luckily it was. We entered our rooms and Bed Bug Barney (Dennis), with Clark Pest Control, was off to work. The check for bed bugs was on and I am proud to report resulted in an "All Clear" report.
Bed Bugs . . . Check!
With that all important pest inspection completed it was off to fisherman's wharf for dinner. With a few more references to Kyle moms vagina we arrived at the parking garage across from Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. The plan was for dinner at Bubba Gumps . . . But first a quick stop to buy Joanie a sweatshirt. I had forgot to load her sweatshirt at the house and it was a sweltering 64 degrees and breezy on the pier. With sweatshirt on we made our way to Bubba Gumps on pier 39. After we were seated the first order of business was at hand . . . DRINKS . . . More precisely . . . BLUE HAWAII'S ALL AROUND! this was followed by hor'dourves and 4 buckets of Boat Trash. It was on fine meal that's for sure. As we left the restaurant Dennis began to feel the grumble of what was possibly a Colon Cleanse session. So back to the restroom to drop a bomb . . . KABOOM.
The "Post Bomb" adventure had definite agenda items planned . . . that of the Candy store and Ms. Fields Cookie store . . . Shit so much for the diet . . . hell who cares it's vacation time. :)
With goodies in hand it was off to the S.S. Durango to begin our journey back to the O Town Taj Mahal. It was only a mere 45 minute to get from Fisherman's Wharf onto the bay Bridge . . . There are some very rude and angry people in this city. So I decided to join them in a bout of tourettes syndrome outbursts. So after various references to vagina's and some well placed "Fuck Yous" traffic was on the move. We were again at the mercy of Eric Cartman guiding us merrily back to our hotel by way Kyles Mom's Vagina along with a few "Fucking Jew" references. Well Cartman proceeded to take us on a scenic route of a very isolated and industrial area of O Town. Thank god the S.S. Durango did leaves us stranded here. After a few minutes of tension we were back on track and minutes later the O Town Taj Mahal was in sight.
We arrived safely back at our hotel. We parked the S.S. Durango where it would be safe for the next 14 days and while positioning the sunshades and the parking pass the rear view mirror felt it was time to leave the windshield and fall off like the wheels of a cheap suitcase . . . we laughed so hard I Peed a little. I think I need to pick up some Poise light bladder leakage pads if this sort of thing continues . . . DAMN!
So with the warm welcoming Smell of Ass and a quick elevator ride we were in our rooms . . . but wait . . . something was missing . . . MILK! So it was decided to walk to AM/PM to purchase some moo juice and midnight snacks. That's right . . . 4 very white people on foot on the streets of O Town. With AM/PM only 1 block away we felt relatively safe in our planned outing. that was until we met some of O Towns finest homeless people panhandling outside the AM/PM. Joanie tightened her grip on my arm like a God Damn Boa Constrictor . . . OWWW!. Safely inside of AM/PM, moo juice and snack were purchased . . . but wait . . . how are we going to pass by the homeless people on foot with Ho Ho's and Yoo-Hoo in a bag, without being robbed? We did what any white person visiting O Town would do in a very uncomfortable situation . . . We proceeded to sneak out the back and around rear of the store to avoid the harassment of the homeless. With some serious butt puckering of our little white assess were we once again hit in the face with the familiar smel of Eau'de Ass, with a quick elevator ride we went into our respective suites (not really) for the evening.
Today was an adventure full of laughs and the Smell of Ass . . . we can't wait to see what tomorrow brings . . . until then . . . Gilligan out!
The Nuts Get Nailed . . .
Well the Kauai trip planning has entered its final stages which included a trip by the two nuts from the Kauai Castaways to a top secret members only location to get high as a kite together to bond before the Kauai trip. That's right Pam and Joanie made a visit to the nail salon to prepare their talons for the trip. Well as I hope most of you who know me can guess I found the need to tag along, to not only experience the opium den like environment of a nail salon but to document this part of the Kauai trip planning phase.
Being new to the whole lets get high and play with our feet scene . . . I had questions. My first of many was a general question to the customers and staff. I asked everyone if the reason that everyone was smiling was because of the fumes coming from the 30 or so open bottles of nail polish. It was answered with a loud and resounding yes and even a hell yes from one overly enthusiastic woman. I then turned my attention to the females sitting in the big puffy chairs with their feet soaking in a blue watery solution that is reminiscent of blue toilet water. they were all in various phases what appeared to be some sort of medieval foot torture. One woman in particular was having her feet sanded violently by a tiny Asian lady with a passion for removing this woman's feet stroke by stroke . . . What the hell was this about? I then observed another lady getting her edges of her toenails trimmed, clipped and scrapped by another little Asian lady that was working feverishly to trim this lady toes into the most beautiful Bonsai' tree that you have ever seen. All the while mumbling ping - pong, ding - dong or something of that nature much like a prison song of old.
I checked on the two Castaway Nuts and their progress in the finger nail attaching and painting portion of their bonding session all was going great as their Asians were busy attaching what can only be described as Claws or Talons that would rival in the animal kingdom . . . Holy Shit! That's when I was informed that they go on one foot long and are then trimmed to the length that they will be finished at . . . whew what a relief. After the Nut's Were Nailed they all agreed to take part in the medieval foot torture sessions of their own where their feet were soaked trimmed scrapped and scrubbed in a manner that would caused most normal people to turn tail and run. There appeared to be a burst of laughter looming on the edge of every scrub do to the sensitive feet areas being scrubbed . . . but to no avail not even a giggle . . . what self control.
Well at the completion of the sessions there were 20 fingernails and 20 toenails picked, plumped, painted and polished to perfection and all for just a shade over $100. What the hell was that . . . $100 . . . Did you just say $100? Well Kiss My Ass and Call Me Sally an hour worth of work for just over $100. I am in the wrong business that is for sure. Well I definitely had my fill of fumes and fun for one afternoon and with a hi ho silver toaster away we were off to the homestead to rest until dinner. Tomorrow begins the travel phase of this adventure so stay tuned to the same Castaway Channel for the continuing saga . . . Mahalo!
Being new to the whole lets get high and play with our feet scene . . . I had questions. My first of many was a general question to the customers and staff. I asked everyone if the reason that everyone was smiling was because of the fumes coming from the 30 or so open bottles of nail polish. It was answered with a loud and resounding yes and even a hell yes from one overly enthusiastic woman. I then turned my attention to the females sitting in the big puffy chairs with their feet soaking in a blue watery solution that is reminiscent of blue toilet water. they were all in various phases what appeared to be some sort of medieval foot torture. One woman in particular was having her feet sanded violently by a tiny Asian lady with a passion for removing this woman's feet stroke by stroke . . . What the hell was this about? I then observed another lady getting her edges of her toenails trimmed, clipped and scrapped by another little Asian lady that was working feverishly to trim this lady toes into the most beautiful Bonsai' tree that you have ever seen. All the while mumbling ping - pong, ding - dong or something of that nature much like a prison song of old.
I checked on the two Castaway Nuts and their progress in the finger nail attaching and painting portion of their bonding session all was going great as their Asians were busy attaching what can only be described as Claws or Talons that would rival in the animal kingdom . . . Holy Shit! That's when I was informed that they go on one foot long and are then trimmed to the length that they will be finished at . . . whew what a relief. After the Nut's Were Nailed they all agreed to take part in the medieval foot torture sessions of their own where their feet were soaked trimmed scrapped and scrubbed in a manner that would caused most normal people to turn tail and run. There appeared to be a burst of laughter looming on the edge of every scrub do to the sensitive feet areas being scrubbed . . . but to no avail not even a giggle . . . what self control.
Well at the completion of the sessions there were 20 fingernails and 20 toenails picked, plumped, painted and polished to perfection and all for just a shade over $100. What the hell was that . . . $100 . . . Did you just say $100? Well Kiss My Ass and Call Me Sally an hour worth of work for just over $100. I am in the wrong business that is for sure. Well I definitely had my fill of fumes and fun for one afternoon and with a hi ho silver toaster away we were off to the homestead to rest until dinner. Tomorrow begins the travel phase of this adventure so stay tuned to the same Castaway Channel for the continuing saga . . . Mahalo!
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