ATTENTION: THIS BLOG ENTRY CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT IN THE WAY OF LANGUAGE AND DESCRIPTIONS. I AM STILL WORKING ON THE PORN THOUGH . . . JUST A JOKE MOM!
Well today was the day that we visited the Forbidden City. We departed the hotel at around 9:30am and took the snail express to Beijing once again making it there in just about two hours. I looked behind the bus and I thought I saw an actually snail trail, I think it was just the humidity dripping off of the bus though. We made it to our destination and the buses parked and we disembarked the buses to begin the 4o mile hike to the Forbidden City. When I say the "40 Mile Hike" I mean it, just ask your kids when they arrive home. We reached the "Forbidden City" already dripping wet and exhausted. John gathered the group together and explained some information regarding the Forbidden city, then it was through the security check point, then to the ticket booth then through the main gate. We were not even close to being physically prepared prepared as to just how enormous this place is. We found out that it consists of 9999.5 rooms. This includes the rooms for all of the Emperors concubines as well. I have my hands full with the one wife I don't even want to imagine the amount of nagging that 45 concubine could dish out. I am told that the concubines were very subservient in nature and were the "Property" of the emperors for his"Use" and "Pleasure", "Woo Hoo" you go you bad ass Emperor. Try that shit in today's day and age. . . I DON'T THINK SO, SAY'S JOANIE. The more I learn about this concubine thing the more I'm thinking that it's not a bad system, expensive since you have "Take Care" of them like I said expensive but not bad. The tour was long and all I can say is the Chinese love their stairs. I honestly think they are part mountain goat. Today's weather was the same old "Shitty Humid Weather" and turned me into the prettiest sweat pore water fountain in all of Asia. The sweat was literally running, not walking down my arms, legs and yes for that "Too Much Information Crowd" down the crack of my ass. I could be spotted a mile away as i was the funny looking American that looked like he "Pissed His Pants". My attire today was tourist "Way Laid Back" instead of tourist "Casual". It consisted of cargo shorts and a tank top. By wearing this particular it exposed all five of my tattoos. This apparently was something that the Chinese people are definitely not used to. I had everyone from every direction taking pictures of my tattoos and it made me definitely feel like a "Circus Freak". I guess I can die a happy man as I have attained the high standard of "Circus Freak" in a third world country. It got to the point that the Chinese Army personnel stationed throughout the Forbidden City started keeping an eye or eyes on me very closely. I asked John what this was about and he had informed me that before about 1995 the only people who had tattoos were prisoners and high ranking members of Asian Gangs. Either way I must have looked like the biggest wimp of a gang member or prisoner they have ever seen. There I was walking around with my purple spiderman umbrella sweating like a shit load of leaky pipes, how tough that must have looked. At any rate we all were disgustingly hot and sweaty by the end of this tour that were were praying for winter but had to settle for the air conditioned bus instead. I personally want to kiss Willis Haviland Carrier, that's right you guessed it, the inventor of air conditioning.
The bus ride was the best thing since sliced bread. John kept apologizing for the delay in the traffic situation but as far as I was concerned we could have driven around the block a couple of more times before they let us out for our "Free Time". There was no such luck though and they let us out any way to spend some free time in the shopping district in downtown Beijing. Our first immediate stop was KFC for air conditioning, a place to sit and lunch in that exact order. While I was waiting for Joanie to get her food I met a nice gentleman from San Fransisco and we struck up a conversation for few minutes and as he was leaving, we traded pins and that's when I found out that he was an NBC correspondence here to cover some of the Olympics. He had given me his NBC Olympic pin. This pin is probably the best thing I have gotten since I have been here and will treasure it for years to come. Yeah Yeah I know that sounded so "Fucking Gay", I just had to spit on the floor, fart and grab my crotch, you know all that cool "Guy Stuff". I have recovered completely now from that moment and have moved on with my life.
Well there has been a great new development in the saga of censorship on this trip as I have been asked to clean my blog up to the "FUCKING POINT" that I am not going to continue the to write the blog any longer. Thank you for reading my blog and if any of you have any question regarding your children please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have regarding you kids to my email at nofingrs@sbcglobal.net and I will do my best to get you answers. Now if any of you have any problems about me ending this please feel free to email the director at his email dbryan1109@aol.com
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15 comments:
HOLY CRAP!!!!
Dude, the posts just keep getting better and now you've been told that you cannot post on your PERSONAL blog????
BS, man. Totally BS.
I'd e-mail Dan if I thought it would do any freaking good...Little Hitler has that name for a reason. I seem to recall that Hitler had a tight reign on his media too.
Oh, and for those of you who thought THAT was racist, you're a bunch of hypersensitive morons.
Sorry I won't be able to hear how things are going anymore. Be a rebel and keep it going! What's he going to do send you to the principals office. You're coming home in a few days so just give him the finger (with your left hand) and continue! Are the kids going to perform in the opening ceremonies? Hope to hear from you again because from reading the comments, sounds like the aussies are getting all there information from you and it would be a shame to let them down!
What! No more? All of your stories are cracking me up! Let me get 5 minutes with this little Hitler and I will show him my Hitler.(Should I explain?) never mind. I hope you, your family and all the kids enjoy yourselves and have a safe flight home.
Its unelievable! What are you saying that bothers him so much?
It's not like you're posting on the front page of the New York Times, its a personal blog that you have generously written and provided to other parents in the same situation.
What are we're going to do without your posts you have us hooked? Mate, if he's causing you that much grief it must be spoiling YOUR holiday paid for with YOUR $$$$$. Not only that you're a booster who gives so much of YOUR TIME voluntarily to help?
I'm shocked that anybody has the right to tell you what you can say in YOUR log. How disappointing and frustrating that somebody with no sense of humour finds what you are saying so threatening.
I hope that you change your mind also, as we are so going to miss your travel posts down here and thanks for all the effort you've put in so far. I hope you have a great time in Shanghai and I'll keep looking in case you change your mind.
Good luck Ray
Cheers,
Greg, Australia
Hi, hey could you just form an e-mail group for your fans from like Yahoo mail and send us a your blog with pics attached?
My e-mail is
JefferR@stancounty.com.
Please say hi to Jenny.
Thanks to all of the chaperone's for looking after my baby,
Renae Jefferson
Where would the world be without travel writers like you and that other guy, what's his name...Bill Bryson, who write bestsellers about the funny side of travel?
What would be the point of going anywhere new if it wasn't going to be totally different and difficult at times? I worry less because I have been laughing so much.
I'm sure all the kids are having the greatest time despite what we adults relate to, such as the heat, humidity, crowds, baby size chairs and umbrellas and did you mention the heat?
They won't just remember this trip because of their wonderful performances, the joy of playing together in such a large orchestra and meeting new friends, but also because they are in a new country and are having different experiences. Your writing about all aspects of this trip to parents at home has been great.
I'm in agreement with what everybody else has written. I hope you have a change of heart, enjoy the rest of your trip, from another reader in Australia.
Wish we wer there to give you a portable air conditioner, a big bear hug or shake your hand -whatever - and say thanks for putting yourself on the line for the rest of us.
It's not like Dan has not dropped the "F" bomb on occasion. I say keep up the good work. I personally choose avoid foul language as much as possible, but that's me. This writing is from you and gives a flavor of your fun sense of humor and experience there. I don't take offense. You blog will surely be missed by a lot of people. I love that our counterpart band parents in Australia are enjoying it too. We've had the pleasure to visit there and look forward to going back. We only had a couple weeks in Sydney and Port Macquarie.
Cheers to you all.
Dear Readers,
For those of you with minimal knowledge of Ray's language skills let me explain that my little cousin has always had a large vocabulary that he likes to display.
I remember beating him at arm wrestling or when I would give a wedgie as a kid and watching him roll around on the floor the words that free-flowed from his mouth were expansive and expressive in nature. I'm sorry that the years of therapy for abuse by his older cousin has not erased these words from this jargon. Blame me not him!
I'm sure he feels to provide the "thrill of the moment" he must sputter every word he knows to entertain you all, and entertain he has. I'm sorry but if you don't like it. Don't read it.
Hang in there "Little Ray." Missed you, Joanie and the boys at the family reunion, but you would have been a sweaty mess in Branson, too.
Stay safe Little Family and Friends.
Love Always,
Cousin Linda
Ray, don't you dare back down. If anyone finds your blog offensive let them find another way to stay in the know about Beijing. Personally, your writtings have helped me to quit feeling sorry for myself that You,Joani,Bobby and Joey are gone and started feeling excited and happy for the experiences you are enjoying.
I hope that you will change your mind and continue to blog for all of us that are stuck experiencing the Olympics from our air conditionied homes,eating pizza,driking ice cold beer.
Continue to stay safe. catch the hugs that I am sending to you and the family and I will see you all soon.(by the way, this is Krissy using tabby's computer.)
Seriously, I have no life (and No Job)lol, this is the only hing keeping me SANE.... Freedom of speech brutha, freedom of speech!
Mike C
Hi Guys!!! MISS YOU ALL!!! And miss your blog. I loved reading your blog, made me feel like I was there with you all.
Take care, see all of you in a few days....
GO BOBBY!!!!
Time to come Home.
Ray My family and I loved your Blogs.
Hi Ray,
Thanks so much (from a parent in Australia), for your fantastic recounts. I can't tell you how much I appreciated all your efforts. It was great to know what everybody was up to.
By now I guess you will just about be leaving to go home.
If you ever get around to updating what you wanted to say,the way you wanted to say it, I would love to read how the last few days of the trip were through your funny viewpoint.
Thanks again, Hope you have a safe trip home.
Heather
bonnieheather@gmail.com
Aww Come on Ray...Your no quitter !!!!!!! Do it for the Auzzie's !!!!!
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