Funny Thing Happend On My Way Home . . .

Have you ever had one of those days when you have that nagging feeling that have forgotten something and you just can't figure out what it is. Well I had one of those days today. There was that little fucking voice in my head that just kept saying don't forget . . . Nanny nanny boo boo . . . Yeah but don't forget what Mr. Nanny Nanny Boo Boo. Well it dawned on me on my way home . . . I had forgot to tell the readers of my blog a funny story about the pets within the Little House.

It actually is probably more pathetic than funny but what the hell. First a little background . . . Duchess the dog . . . Yes she is the "Spoiled Bitch" . . . Sylvester the Cat . . . Lovingly known as one Psycho Son-of-a-Bitch . . . And last Tom . . . Mr. Cool Cat. To give you an idea why I have to try and find humor in my life experiences let me set the scene . . .

Life begins to stir in the Little House and it is time for the "Pet Rodeo". The dog is put outside to do her business . . . this is the opportune time for Joanie to get her car out of the Garage. The dog going out is just the beginning of a cluster fuck like you have never before witnessed in your life. The hall door to the garage opens to a resounding call "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty . . . and is usually followed by Sylvester haulin ass into the house like demon who possess him are taking huge bites out of his ass causing him tho hit the Pergo Floor at mach 1 . . . and yes . . . totally out of control. Tom on the other hand is like the Hugh Hefner of the cat world. He has to be asked by name over and over again as the simple word "Kitty" is beneath him. After the frustrating ritual of getting his highness in the house he might leisurely strolls down the hall or might even stop to knock of a fine piece of unsuspecting stuffed animal ass . . . or so he thinks. Whatever his pleasure you can guarantee he just plain fucking cool.

With all of this done Joanie can now prepare to release her car from it's Cathouse Prison known as the garage. The cat beds are removed from the hood of the car, followed by the extra blankets for the two pretentious Pussy that have taken up occupancy in my garage apparently need too. Now the car cover can come of the car in preparation for Cathouse Extraction . . . extraction Successful!

The extraction is followed by the animal roundup part two . . . "The Feeding". It start with putting the cats out followed by letting the dog in. Sounds simple huh? the cats are led out with full food dishes and then the dog can have its feet wiped and granted access to the house . . . that's right you read it right . . . the dog gets her feet wiped every time she enters the house . . . no really . . . no shit . . . Every Fucking Time She enters The House . . . For the Last thirteen Years. I know I know what the fuck!! So as you probably have guessed this is where the Litte's get on with their day. After a full day of activities . . . okay that's bullshit . . . a day at fucking work . . . I am usually the first one home with the wife returning home anytime from 7:00pm to 10:45pm depending on her schedule. In preparation for Joanie's return I usually receive a text stating "On my way . . . cats in?" This is when animal rodeo part three begins . . . I call it pussy palooza . . . and for your information when I'm running the god damn rodeo it never goes right. Dog . . . go outside . . . she looks at me like I have lost my ever lovin mind. After the Bitch is out now the real pain in the ass begins the two assholes in the garage get to play hide and seek with me . . . and in case you can't guess . . . I Love It . . . NOT!!! Picture this every night . . . There I am running around my garage clapping my hands really loud . . . okay . . . hand and stump, throwing things to make loud noises and generally yelling like a crazy person . . . all of this so Joanie can park her car in the Cathouse. Any wonder that I have no hair on my head. the "All Clear" text goes out and the cathouse Insertion is a go. The car and all of the steps to extract it from Cathouse Hell are performed for a successful insertion only in reverse. That's right she does this every time she drives her FUCKING car. I know "HOLY SHIT". This is generally the point in my evening when you can stick a fork in me . . . I'm done. So the next time you see me just give me a hug and tell me that everything is going to be alright . . . Well it's time to let the little fuckers in . . . until we meet again . . . MEOW!!