Joanie And The Genius Button . . .

Well by the title of this post you can imagine that this post will involve Lucy . . . I mean Joanie and something called a Genius Button.

First let me start by saying while Joanie is Internet and email savvy as well as being a Fabulous Farmer when it comes to Farm town, she has a tendency to reject . . . nay . . . repel new technology. Her discussions regarding new technology usually starts off with "What's wrong with the one I have". Then as all of us techno-geeks know we have to spend hours trying to 'splain to Lucy and others like her why they need the new one. So as you all can imagine when we recently got our new My touch 4g cell phones there might be a story or two from the world of I Love Lucy . . . better known as . . . Joanie's world . . . you were right.

The latest one that comes to mind happened tonight. It began with an innocent comment on my part about how I thought the voice recognition program that lets you talk and create a text message was pretty cool . . . you know the one handed thing and all. That's when it began . . .

How do you do that she asked? I told her that it was a mode you could select when entering text on the new phones. I then told her that it was a cool feature but the coolest . . . and I do mean the coolest feature . . . is the genius button. Once you turn this service on it lets you simply use your voice to do all kinds of things from search the web to send email to even make calls and text messages to individuals in you address book. I proceeded to demonstrate this awesome feature . . . and that's when it happened . . . The Genius Button . . . Does my phone have that? No Lucy I had it specially installed on my phone because I'm a fucking genius and deserve one . . . of course yours has it for Christ sakes . . . all of our phones have it . . . in fact all the My touch 4g's have it. Then it happened . . . Where is it ? ? ? rang out in the night air? As I looked at her in disbelief as she was searching her phone for I don't know what . . . maybe the giant "Easy" button from Staples . . . I don't know . . . She asked again. . . Where is it I don't see it?? Now for those of you who aren't familiar with the My touch 4g phone let me take the pleasure of introducing you to what the front of the phone looks like. I will try my best through the art of verbal description.

To begin it is a touch screen smart phone similar to an iphone. That's right a large screen with minimal buttons. the only buttons are five across the bottom. There is a Home Screen button which . . . yes . . . looks like a fucking "House". This is to signify "Home". Which I must say is rather insensitive to "Homeless" people as they do not have a house and I think needs to be changed as it is not politically correct. The next button is the "Menu" button and is signified by a series of lines which appears to represent an index of sorts. Then in the middle of the button ensemble there is what I like to call the tracking/everything button. That is because everything you do from navigating from page to page . . . to tickling the phone to unlock the screen is done with this button. You become VERY familiar with this particular button when you first get this phone. The next button along "The Row Of Buttons" is the "Back" button and is signified by an arrow pointing to the left . . . that's right . . . so you can go back to the right as if everything in life originates from the right. Which begs to ask . . . in the UK where they drive on the left side of the road and the steering wheel is on the left side of a car . . . does the button point to the left ? ? ? Just wondering. This brings us to the fifth and final button in the button section of the My touch 4g phone. As you might have already guessed it may be the genius button. Let me describe it and then you make the call. The button is placed on the right hand side of "Button Row", it is round, it is neon green, and it has the letter "G" on it. I don't know . . . It may stand for . . . Good . . . Go . . . God . . . Get The Fuck Outta Here . . . It could stand for a multitude of things beginning with the letter "G". Now I'm no genius (No pun intended) but if I were to tell you that "I really think the Genius button is a really cool feature on the phone" wouldn't you "Assume" that with only five buttons on the front of the phone . . . that the one that is . . . oh I don't know . . . neon green and has the letter "G" on it . . . might . . . nay possibly . . . could be the "Genius" button? Well I thought this would be the natural assumption but then again it is . . . Lucy the Tech-Tarded I am dealing with. At any rate this lead to the customary 45 minute back and forth "Now how do you do that" session which I know is the envy of everyone reading this entry. The end result was we got Lucy up to speed with the Genius button and pray to "G" that she never uses it because that would just lead to another session of "Now how do I use the genius button again"? That is something best left for "Tech Support in India . . .