Thursday, November 27, 2008
Food . . . Fun . . . Marching Band Finals!
Well it is that time of year again, marching band state finals. This years finals competition took place at East Bay State University in Hayward. The day began as any other band competition weekend . . . Way To God Damn Early!!!! We arrived at the school at 6:15am and proceeded to load the equipment and various other items for our adventure. This included enough food and water to survive in the wilds of the bay area for a good month or two. After the loading of the two trailers we were off to the races. The travel time was about an hour and a half and we arrived at about 9:30am. We set up our usual awesome base camp which is usually the envy of all of the other schools. The band was to step off into competition at about 11:30 am so the kids went off to the practice field for a warm up and run through of their show before the actual competition. The adults scoped out the route to the competition field so we would have an idea what our old asses were up against when it came to helping the kids with all of the various large instruments and carts that are used in the "Pit". We were surprised to find that our camp was actually located at the summit of Mount Fucking Everest and the field was located at the base of the mountain a mere 100 miles away. Okay so I am exaggerating a little, but it was about a mile from our camp and every bit as steep as a surface street in downtown San Fransisco. After our investigation of the route we were approached by a couple of the Modesto High School parents asking if it would be okay to use our drum major podium as theirs was broken, and wouldn't you know it these two lovely people were driving a quad. The deals were stuck and it turns out that in return for the use of the podium they would pull our huge drum cart full of equipment up the steep ass hill. Things were starting off great then we found out that the bathrooms were about a half a mile away down the other side of Mount Everest.
Well it was time to leave for the competition we gathered all of the equipment and headed out down the mountain. There we were looking like a shit load of Sherpa's packing everything down from Mount Everest to the Base Camp. We got to the bottom and it really wasn't too bad. The kids performed as what only be call their best show of the season. We exited the field and began the hike up Everest. We soon found out that even though we may have resembled a pack load of Sherpa's . . . we weren't, but we sure could have used eight or nine from where I was standing. At any rate we started our ascent only having to stop for oxygen two or three times. After huffing and puffing and blowing phlegm out of our asses we arrived at the safety of our camp. After a quick rest, drink and pee break lunch was served.
After lunch the adults cleaned up and relaxed while the kids went to watch some of the bands compete. The weather was perfect for sitting around and telling stories and general socializing. It was approaching the dinner hour and this dinner was the senior dinner where the graduating seniors get to be first in line for food, get to eat on real dishes with real silverware, and sit at a real table and chairs. The band alumni were in charge of the food for dinner and man did they deliver. They fixed tri-tip, baked potatoes, pasta salad, garlic bread, fruit and two cakes for dessert. Everything was delicious and enjoyed by all. Afterwards we all cleaned up and broke down camp. We then went to watch a couple of hours of competition before the awards. We got to see quite a few bands from Southern California and they were pretty impressive as well. Well it was finally 9:45 pm and the tension mounted as the announcements started with the awards for the single "A" bands. This is our division and had sixteen bands competing. The top three bands would be advancing to finals that would take place on Sunday. As it turned out we were barely edged out of third place by 1.5 points . . .SHIT!!! Fourth place is still respectable as far as I'm concerned fourth in the state in our division is AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!! As we wound up our evening by arriving at the high school at 12:00am to unload all of our stuff the realization of the fact that we did not have to be up at 5:00am to leave for finals that the disappointment quite a bit. We had an awesome season and we are looking forward to the winter drum line season that starts in a few weeks. Until we meet again "May the force be with you".
Well it was time to leave for the competition we gathered all of the equipment and headed out down the mountain. There we were looking like a shit load of Sherpa's packing everything down from Mount Everest to the Base Camp. We got to the bottom and it really wasn't too bad. The kids performed as what only be call their best show of the season. We exited the field and began the hike up Everest. We soon found out that even though we may have resembled a pack load of Sherpa's . . . we weren't, but we sure could have used eight or nine from where I was standing. At any rate we started our ascent only having to stop for oxygen two or three times. After huffing and puffing and blowing phlegm out of our asses we arrived at the safety of our camp. After a quick rest, drink and pee break lunch was served.
After lunch the adults cleaned up and relaxed while the kids went to watch some of the bands compete. The weather was perfect for sitting around and telling stories and general socializing. It was approaching the dinner hour and this dinner was the senior dinner where the graduating seniors get to be first in line for food, get to eat on real dishes with real silverware, and sit at a real table and chairs. The band alumni were in charge of the food for dinner and man did they deliver. They fixed tri-tip, baked potatoes, pasta salad, garlic bread, fruit and two cakes for dessert. Everything was delicious and enjoyed by all. Afterwards we all cleaned up and broke down camp. We then went to watch a couple of hours of competition before the awards. We got to see quite a few bands from Southern California and they were pretty impressive as well. Well it was finally 9:45 pm and the tension mounted as the announcements started with the awards for the single "A" bands. This is our division and had sixteen bands competing. The top three bands would be advancing to finals that would take place on Sunday. As it turned out we were barely edged out of third place by 1.5 points . . .SHIT!!! Fourth place is still respectable as far as I'm concerned fourth in the state in our division is AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!! As we wound up our evening by arriving at the high school at 12:00am to unload all of our stuff the realization of the fact that we did not have to be up at 5:00am to leave for finals that the disappointment quite a bit. We had an awesome season and we are looking forward to the winter drum line season that starts in a few weeks. Until we meet again "May the force be with you".
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
One Funny Television Show. . . . .Redneck Weddings
Well as the title of this post states I believe I have found one of the funniest television shows of late, "My big fat redneck wedding". The show is hosted by Tom Arnold and airs on CMT. CMT stands for "Country Music Television" for those of you who are not into Nascar or Rodeos.
The premise of the show as you can imagine is featuring weddings of the redneck variety and oh man are they humorous. One episode had a sex talk between a step mother and her daughter regarding on what she could use as birth control in case they did not have any condoms handy. This is where the stepmother proceeded to slide a zip-lock sandwich bag over a banana and tied it at the base with a decorative confederate flag ribbon. Oh yeah and did I mention that the bride was marrying her brother. That's right marrying her brother. Apparently the grooms parents adopted the bride at the ripe age of 16 years old and did not find it strange when their son started banging his sister like a screen door in a tornado and then subsequently wanted to get married. talk about keeping it in the family. Every episode has the couple introduction, the wedding preparations, the wedding, reception and finally the gift exchange. The gift exchange is probably one of the most interesting parts of the show as the redneck idea of what they should get each other as a special gift has ranged from a chrome exhaust pipe for her tractor to the skeletal remains of a raccoon penis. Yup that's got What The Hell written all over it.
So if you haven't had a chance to watch this show I recommend that you check your local listings and at least watch it once for the sheer comedic value of the show. You may even get hooked. Well until next time see me later.
The premise of the show as you can imagine is featuring weddings of the redneck variety and oh man are they humorous. One episode had a sex talk between a step mother and her daughter regarding on what she could use as birth control in case they did not have any condoms handy. This is where the stepmother proceeded to slide a zip-lock sandwich bag over a banana and tied it at the base with a decorative confederate flag ribbon. Oh yeah and did I mention that the bride was marrying her brother. That's right marrying her brother. Apparently the grooms parents adopted the bride at the ripe age of 16 years old and did not find it strange when their son started banging his sister like a screen door in a tornado and then subsequently wanted to get married. talk about keeping it in the family. Every episode has the couple introduction, the wedding preparations, the wedding, reception and finally the gift exchange. The gift exchange is probably one of the most interesting parts of the show as the redneck idea of what they should get each other as a special gift has ranged from a chrome exhaust pipe for her tractor to the skeletal remains of a raccoon penis. Yup that's got What The Hell written all over it.
So if you haven't had a chance to watch this show I recommend that you check your local listings and at least watch it once for the sheer comedic value of the show. You may even get hooked. Well until next time see me later.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Does It Get Any Better Than Phone Sex And Chorizo?
Well now that I have your attention you twisted bastards it time to explain the title. I recently read a couple of news stories that struck me as pretty funny and I thought I would share.
The first story took place in Detroit Michigan and is political in nature, which is perfect as there is the upcoming elections looming on the horizon. Well it appears that the Detroit Michigan democrats are trying something to spark absentee voting which I think is pure genius. Weather or not they are claiming it was an accident, I love it. It seems that in there attempt to spark the interest in absentee voting they "Accidentally" directed people to a phone sex line. Yeah Baby I think I want to be a democrat in Detroit. I now know I love Detroit even more as it not only is home to my favorite Hockey team, the Detroit Red Wings, but now it has democrats who are hooked on Phone Sex Lines. . .Somebody tell Joanie I'm moving. The state spokeswoman said that apparently there were fliers that were distributed with the campaign party's hot line number "Misprinted" (Yeah Right) with the phone sex numbers. That's not even the best part as apparently the flier also had a picture of Barrack Obama on it. Oh but wait there's more. Apparently the TV station that broke the story was WJBK-TV or was it WBJK-TV. I think the second one would have made the story complete. I think the message that the Michigan democratic party was trying to get through to potential voters was that being an absentee voter was not a difficult thing to do but with their help it was a "HARD" thing to do thanks to the sex line tip.
The second story that I found to be humorous was one that was about smuggling and US Customs at the US / Mexico border. The story read that a southern Texas lady trying to gain entry into the US was apparently claiming several soiled baby diapers at the border. What the fuck is this world coming to where someone would actually think that nobody would think it was odd if they were to claim soiled baby diapers at the border, Holy Shit! I can only imagine that the US customs officers were thinking that the diapers contained drugs of some sort as this wasn't something that a normal person would claim. They were correct in a sense as the diapers contained contraband of sorts only it wasn't drugs but Chorizo. That's right she was smuggling Chorizo sausages like little turds in baby diapers. Talk about laughing my ass off if I was a customs agent. Only this is no laughing matter as it is apparently illegal to smuggle Chorizo into these fine United States. This would apparently throw off the delicate balance of US supply and demand for US manufactured Chorizo. So much so that this act in lack of judgment cost the south Texas woman $300.00 and the agents seized her Chorizo as well. Either this was the worlds best Chorizo or she was one crazy bitch as you can buy a fuck load of Chorizo for $300.00. At any rate I thought that it had a funny visual effect as I could picture the first agent unwrapping the first "Baby" diaper and seeing the size of the "Log" that she was claiming her baby left in the diaper. I'm sure his initial reaction would have been "Holy Shit!" or "What The Fuck?", either way very funny.
Well there you have it my rant for the day. Well I had better go as Joanie is needing something. (Yes, she is home and doing well). Peace Out!
The first story took place in Detroit Michigan and is political in nature, which is perfect as there is the upcoming elections looming on the horizon. Well it appears that the Detroit Michigan democrats are trying something to spark absentee voting which I think is pure genius. Weather or not they are claiming it was an accident, I love it. It seems that in there attempt to spark the interest in absentee voting they "Accidentally" directed people to a phone sex line. Yeah Baby I think I want to be a democrat in Detroit. I now know I love Detroit even more as it not only is home to my favorite Hockey team, the Detroit Red Wings, but now it has democrats who are hooked on Phone Sex Lines. . .Somebody tell Joanie I'm moving. The state spokeswoman said that apparently there were fliers that were distributed with the campaign party's hot line number "Misprinted" (Yeah Right) with the phone sex numbers. That's not even the best part as apparently the flier also had a picture of Barrack Obama on it. Oh but wait there's more. Apparently the TV station that broke the story was WJBK-TV or was it WBJK-TV. I think the second one would have made the story complete. I think the message that the Michigan democratic party was trying to get through to potential voters was that being an absentee voter was not a difficult thing to do but with their help it was a "HARD" thing to do thanks to the sex line tip.
The second story that I found to be humorous was one that was about smuggling and US Customs at the US / Mexico border. The story read that a southern Texas lady trying to gain entry into the US was apparently claiming several soiled baby diapers at the border. What the fuck is this world coming to where someone would actually think that nobody would think it was odd if they were to claim soiled baby diapers at the border, Holy Shit! I can only imagine that the US customs officers were thinking that the diapers contained drugs of some sort as this wasn't something that a normal person would claim. They were correct in a sense as the diapers contained contraband of sorts only it wasn't drugs but Chorizo. That's right she was smuggling Chorizo sausages like little turds in baby diapers. Talk about laughing my ass off if I was a customs agent. Only this is no laughing matter as it is apparently illegal to smuggle Chorizo into these fine United States. This would apparently throw off the delicate balance of US supply and demand for US manufactured Chorizo. So much so that this act in lack of judgment cost the south Texas woman $300.00 and the agents seized her Chorizo as well. Either this was the worlds best Chorizo or she was one crazy bitch as you can buy a fuck load of Chorizo for $300.00. At any rate I thought that it had a funny visual effect as I could picture the first agent unwrapping the first "Baby" diaper and seeing the size of the "Log" that she was claiming her baby left in the diaper. I'm sure his initial reaction would have been "Holy Shit!" or "What The Fuck?", either way very funny.
Well there you have it my rant for the day. Well I had better go as Joanie is needing something. (Yes, she is home and doing well). Peace Out!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Serious Note . . .Joanies Surgery
Well everything was a success in regards to Joanie's surgery this morning. The doctor said that there were no problems and that it went as he had expected. He said that the way that he had performed the surgery through four small incisions in her stomach using robotic tools was a very minimally intrusive way to perform this surgery and she should recovery fairly quickly. As a matter of fact she may be able to come home as soon as tomorrow (Wednesday). Well since I have been up since 4:30am and it is now midnight I am going to end this post with a huge thank you to everyone who visited with Joanie and myself today at the hospital and also to everyone who called/emailed their well wishes to us as well. I will return to the pearls of wisdom next time.
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