Castaways At The Comedy Show . . .

The day began at the crack of 10:30am as the night before ended early in the A.M. And lets face it we're old. Upon meeting up we decided to have breakfast at the Pyramid cafe in the Luxor Hotel and Casino. That was where the first amazing thing happened . . . Hold on to your hats . . . Dennis ordered pancakes! I know that for most of you reading this the first thing that comes to mind is “What the fuck is so amazing about a man ordering pancakes for breakfast . . . Wait a second and I'll tell you. Dennis is what is known as a “Pancake Snob”. He will only eat pancakes that he cooks. They have to be made with Bisquick, sugar, milk and “Real” vanilla, and the batter must be the perfect consistency. So back to the amazing part of ordering pancakes . . . blueberry ones to be exact. He informed our waitress that this was the first time he has had pancakes in a restaurant in 30 year . . . that's right you read it correctly . . . 30 Fucking Years . . . Holy Shit!

For those “Non-believers” there is a video that I will be uploading to my Photobucket account later. The video is a living account of what is now fondly referred to the castaways as “The Pancake Miracle”. I recorded the interview live with the “Man”, the “Legend” the “Pancake Snob” Dennis Crow. The breakfast soon arrived and there was a sort of drum roll happening silently in all of our heads in anticipation of the first bite. Needless to say the waitress was feeling the pressure too, it was as if the pancakes were being reviewed by Chef Gordon Ramsey or some other famous foodie. The preparation began . . . an adequate supply of “Real Butter” was applied . . . this was soon followed by a dowsing of “Hot” maple syrup (I knew it was hot because that is how Dennis ordered it). The drum roll was getting louder . . . The first cut was made . . . Followed by another . . . the tines of the fork pierced the fluffy flesh of the pancake . . . the fork was raised to his mouth (The anticipation was palpable) . . . the wedge of fluffy pancake goodness was now in his mouth and chewing had commenced and nothing but the review remained . . . on baited breath we all watched and waited in silence . . . The eyes of everyone in the entire restaurant were now on Dennis (Not really but it makes for good reading) . . . then he spoke . . . “There Good” was his response, followed by . . . “They're a little “Bubbly”. What the fuck does a little “Bubbly” mean? The only words that came to our collective mouths was “What”. We then received a culinary lesson on the topic of “Pancake Consistency”. You know . . . fluffy vs. bubbly! The breakfast was an overall success and while most of you reading this may find it a slow moving part of this blog . . . It was definitely a “You Had to Be There” moment of our adventure.

Breakfast was now but a memory and we were off for a couple of activities arranged by the female castaways . . . Bodies The Exhibit and The Titanic Exhibit as today was the 100 year anniversary of the day the ship set off on its fateful voyage. The Bodies Exhibit was an exhibit where cadavers were preserved, dissected, skinned, sliced and injected with a type of polymer that made it possible to display them in unimaginable stages of dis-assembly and action poses that was a little disturbing at times. There was a wide array of bodies and parts of bodies on display and provided a very thorough lesson in anatomy from the circulatory system to the central nervous system and beyond. The exhibit consisted of twelve viewing rooms and one thing was for certain . . . the creator of the exhibit sure loved orientals and their penis'. Old Doc Donald Had An Exhibit E . . I . . E . . I . . O . . . With A Dick Dick Here . . . And A Dick Dick There . . . Here A Dick . . . There A Dick . . . Everywhere A Dick Dick. It was a plethora of Penis' on parade and we were all victims :-(

After the Penis parade it was off to the titanic Exhibit. I now know what the poor bastards on the Titanic must have felt like . . . Waiting in line for a lifeboat only to have some inconsiderate fucker cut you off . . . Well Kiss My Ass Rude People . . . Wait your fucking turn like everyone else in the free world. Don't think that because you are from another county and that's not how your rude cultures does it, that it goes around here, because it doesn't (That is enough ranting sorry). It's not like Vegas has a shortage of lines anyway . . . Ticket lines, buffet lines, baggage claim lines, taxi lines, cocaine lines . . . My point is Jesus Christ this was one hell of a line. As far as exhibits go this was a historic Sanford & Son-like display as the exhibit consisted of some artifacts that as you can imagine were seriously damaged and if not for the historical value would have been thrown out a long time ago. With that said I give it one thumb up (Two if I had them) based on the Hollywood History wrapped up in the exhibit . . . then again I'm not much of a museum person.

With the morning and early afternoon events behind us it was time to return to our rooms and perform a costume change for our evening adventure . . . A live comedy show at the Riviera Hotel . . . Not to be confused with Geraldo Rivera's house . . . As one of the cast aways had referred to it as "The Rivera". After some recuperation and reapplication of make up it was time to go to the MGM Grand Hotel to the Monorail station . . . Our chariot awaits! Did you know they have a 70 year old security guard posted at the entrance to the monorail station to deter “Gate Jumpers” . . . Holy Shit it was Barney Fife. Well we boarded the state of the art “Driver-less” monorail and in no time we were at our destination of the Las Vegas Hilton . . . Just a short walk to the riviera . . . Or so I thought. While not a long walk by Vegas standards it was through the most desolate stretch of street I think I have ever seen. It was like a creepy scene from the Omega man . . . not another soul around . . . the occasional paper would blow across the empty street. Once we arrived it was time for the Las Vegas tradition . . . The Buffet. The great thing about the buffet at the Riviera is they give you complimentary beer and wine and only $16.00 per person. After the beer buffet it was off to the comedy club for the show. This was a great comedy show where the comedians soon found their targets in the audience and thankfully we were not in the cross hairs.

After the show it was off to explore the Circus Circus which was across the street. The Circus Circus soon became know to the castaways as the “Ass Palace” as when we walk in the front door the warm smell of ass and cotton candy hit us right in the face. Everyone in the this house of feces was just walking around like there was no disgusting smell permeating their nostrils . . . Seriously . . . You can't fucking smell the stench of sweaty taint . . . Fuck! Needless to say our time at the ass palace was short lived and only last a disgusting five minutes. We rushed out into the night air where the smell of turds and candy apples couldn't follow us and the exhaust coming from the line of taxi's was like fresh scent of flowers compared the the ass matter that was hanging in the air inside the “Circ-ass Circ-ass Cassino”. After our horrific experience and a short stop in the Slots of Fun casino we took a short cab ride to the Hilton to catch the monorail back to the Excalibur as there was no was we were going to walk back . . . at night . . . down the street of rats and shriveled condoms . . . no matter how much the cab costs. The cab and monorail rides were uneventful and we were soon back in our rooms to wash the smells of Ass Matter and Vegas buffets from our bodies and get some well deserved shut eye. Can't wait to see what adventures await us . . . Until tomorrow . . . Elvis has left the building!