Well the start to a new day started with sleeping the fuck in . . . Because I'm just that old. We hung around the igloo until about 4 O'clock and then we were off to set up our free show tickets compliments of Diamond Resorts. The shows that we were setting up were Vegas The Show and Marc Savard comedy hypnosis.
We had about an hour and a half before our first show so what to do with time to burn . . . Well go to a bar of course. We went to Blondies where they have a you can drink happy hour for $20 . . . What a deal. We sat in the bar and did our best to drink $100 worth of drinks . . . We wanted to make sure we got our money's worth . . . Success. With our new found buzz on we went to our first show . . . Vegas The Show.
I have always wanted to go to an old school Vegas show with showgirls and a variety of acts and this show did not disappoint. There wasn't much of anything unusual that happened of you dont count the professional escort sitting with the 70 year old man next to us . . . She was wearing the see through dress . . . Thigh thighs and black thong . . . It was clear it wasn't his daughter. If it was . . . Ewww. The show was amazing and I recommend seeing it if you are looking for an old school Vegas show.
After the show we had more time to burn before our next show . . . So what to do . . . Yup go back to Blondies. I was the only one that did the all you can drink . . . Which actually wasn't supposed to happen for an hour but they let me have the special any way . . . They were super cool at Blondies. After another drink fest it was on to the hypnotist show . . . Damn was it fun. The stuff he had the poor unsuspecting audience members do was hilarious. We had an awesome time and had some really good laughs.
After the show it was off to the casino to do a little gambling. As usual I'm stingy with my money and gambled only for a little while and ended up with an extra $50 . . . So I stopped . . . Winner winner chicken dinner. The wife doubled her money and stopped too . . . Double winner winner chicken dinners. Got back to the igloo at 2:30am . . . Yup like a bunch of 20 something's . . . We will feel it in the morning I'm sure. Stick a fork in me I'm done for the day . . . More to come tomorrow so stay tuned . . .
Thursday, August 8, 2019
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Sisters Sin City Adventure . . . Day Three
The day started at 7am . . . Yes 7am . . . I know, who in the fuck gets up at 7am when they are Las Vegas . . . Right!?! Well if you own a timeshare one of the common things they do is give you a shitload of free stuff . . . But the trade off is you have to sit through a "90 minute" owner's update . . . So 4 hours later . . . Yes that's right you read that right . . . "4 Fucking Hours Later" we finally made our way back to the igloo to rest up before today's outing to dinner and a show.
After our rest a beautification we were off to the meeting place to leave to the Wynn hotel to attack the buffet and se a show. We arrive and walked the green mile to the buffet. Our event coordinator told us where the buffet and where the theater was and to meet her back at this location after the show. Now I'm no genius but when you tell 100 people you're on your own you are bound to have a few idiots in the crowd that can't follow instructions to save their ass . . . More on that in a bit.
So it was off to the buffet to stand in the VIP line. Now the VIP status has a certain connotation of being speciall, but when there are 100 VIP's . . . Not so much. After a short 35 minute wait in line with 100 of our fellow VIP's we were turned loose like a bunch of locusts on a new crop. There was food to the left and food to the right . . . Holy Shit . . . SO MUCH FOOD! We ate and ate and ate until we couldn't eat anymore . . . Then we ate dessert . . . There's always room for two things . . . Alcohol and Dessert! After our gorge fest we waddled out of the food paradise and explored the Wynn with about an hour before the show was to begin. This casino and hotel are both very nice and may stay here one day . . . But for now it was time to waddle to the theater for the show Le Reve (The dream).
We entered the beautiful and ventured to our seats where the age old question of ass to face or crotch to face came into play as there were already people sitting the row . . . As usual I always go crotch to face as you never know when you'll get lucky. We got to our seats and settled in for the show. The lights dimmed and the show began in what can only be described as a feast for the senses. The show Le Reve is a mix of acrobatics, comedy and aquatics that was simply amazing. There were amazing aerial stunts, feats of strength of not only the male but female performers alike. I highly recommend going to see this show if you get a chance as it will not only leave you stunned but will make you want to go to the gym and work on getting in better shape . . . Not me but maybe you would.
After the show it was back to the predefined meeting location to meet our event coordinator. As I mentioned earlier there are always a few morons in the crowd that can't follow instructions . . . And tonight was no exception. As we waited while our event coordinator headed the cats and assembled the fucktards that couldn't follow the instructions for shit er made our way back to our transportation to go back to the igloo. we arrived back at the igloo full of excitement from what we had just experienced . . . This was short lived once we sat down in the igloo and we realized just how tired we were. We agreed it would be best if we went to bed and started fresh in th morning. Well not so fast as we agreed we could not go to bed at 9:15 . . . Mainly because we were not residents of a rest home and it was the principle of the Vegas experience. So the clock struck 10 and we scrambled like cockroaches when the light comes on . . . To bed we scrambled. To be continued . . .
After our rest a beautification we were off to the meeting place to leave to the Wynn hotel to attack the buffet and se a show. We arrive and walked the green mile to the buffet. Our event coordinator told us where the buffet and where the theater was and to meet her back at this location after the show. Now I'm no genius but when you tell 100 people you're on your own you are bound to have a few idiots in the crowd that can't follow instructions to save their ass . . . More on that in a bit.
So it was off to the buffet to stand in the VIP line. Now the VIP status has a certain connotation of being speciall, but when there are 100 VIP's . . . Not so much. After a short 35 minute wait in line with 100 of our fellow VIP's we were turned loose like a bunch of locusts on a new crop. There was food to the left and food to the right . . . Holy Shit . . . SO MUCH FOOD! We ate and ate and ate until we couldn't eat anymore . . . Then we ate dessert . . . There's always room for two things . . . Alcohol and Dessert! After our gorge fest we waddled out of the food paradise and explored the Wynn with about an hour before the show was to begin. This casino and hotel are both very nice and may stay here one day . . . But for now it was time to waddle to the theater for the show Le Reve (The dream).
We entered the beautiful and ventured to our seats where the age old question of ass to face or crotch to face came into play as there were already people sitting the row . . . As usual I always go crotch to face as you never know when you'll get lucky. We got to our seats and settled in for the show. The lights dimmed and the show began in what can only be described as a feast for the senses. The show Le Reve is a mix of acrobatics, comedy and aquatics that was simply amazing. There were amazing aerial stunts, feats of strength of not only the male but female performers alike. I highly recommend going to see this show if you get a chance as it will not only leave you stunned but will make you want to go to the gym and work on getting in better shape . . . Not me but maybe you would.
After the show it was back to the predefined meeting location to meet our event coordinator. As I mentioned earlier there are always a few morons in the crowd that can't follow instructions . . . And tonight was no exception. As we waited while our event coordinator headed the cats and assembled the fucktards that couldn't follow the instructions for shit er made our way back to our transportation to go back to the igloo. we arrived back at the igloo full of excitement from what we had just experienced . . . This was short lived once we sat down in the igloo and we realized just how tired we were. We agreed it would be best if we went to bed and started fresh in th morning. Well not so fast as we agreed we could not go to bed at 9:15 . . . Mainly because we were not residents of a rest home and it was the principle of the Vegas experience. So the clock struck 10 and we scrambled like cockroaches when the light comes on . . . To bed we scrambled. To be continued . . .
Monday, August 5, 2019
Sisters Sin City Adventure . . . Day Two
Well day two started off like most vacations in Las Vegas . . . By waking up late and relaxing around the igloo for a couple of hours with nothing major to report.
The time had come for us to venture out to get our steps in . . . And holy shit did we . . . 6.2 miles for the day to be exact. So for those of you that know me must be asking yourself . . . Who had you at gun point . . . Right!?! The answer . . . nobody! These steps were done in 109°f temperatures too . . . Holy chafing genitals is it hot! Our hike into hell consisted of extreme heat and extreme outfits on typical Vegas visitors. I mean really I know it's hot and people are try to stay cool . . . But if you are a 300lb black woman is it really necessary to where a mesh dress with with your bra and thong out there to damage my eyes . . . Keeping cool may just involve losing 150lbs . . . I'm just sayin'.
At this point I decided it was time go to a safe place so we proceeded directly to Margaritaville . . . Do not pass go . . . Do not collect $200. Once in Margaritaville it was margaritas for all . . . My god this was exactly what the doctor ordered . . . He's a drunk doctor but I love him deeply. The margaritas were so good we got one to go so we could go into the casino and make a deposit . . . And the bank of Flamingo was not disappointed. Now that we were down a couple hundred dollars and cooled of it was time to head back into the freakshow and make our way back to the igloo to relax for a while.
The hike back was full of more visual oddities that I can't unseen . . . But the hike . . . For all intensive purposes was uneventful. We made it back to the igloo in one piece and walking the a group from the old folks home . . . Fuck me my legs are sore and they clearly are bad at me for the abuse. I washed my eyes out with soap and relaxed in the nice sub zero temperatures of our little igloo on the strip
After a few hours of recuperation we ventured out for dinner . . . Chilis to be exact. The meal, waiter and music were all awesome. They were playing some vintage 70's music and we sang like we were on American Idol . . . And this was without alcohol! This day was actually calm with nothing weird happening and nothing funny to report . . . But my eyes . . . My eyes will never be the same. Stay tuned for day three . . . . Our first show is on the horizon . . .
The time had come for us to venture out to get our steps in . . . And holy shit did we . . . 6.2 miles for the day to be exact. So for those of you that know me must be asking yourself . . . Who had you at gun point . . . Right!?! The answer . . . nobody! These steps were done in 109°f temperatures too . . . Holy chafing genitals is it hot! Our hike into hell consisted of extreme heat and extreme outfits on typical Vegas visitors. I mean really I know it's hot and people are try to stay cool . . . But if you are a 300lb black woman is it really necessary to where a mesh dress with with your bra and thong out there to damage my eyes . . . Keeping cool may just involve losing 150lbs . . . I'm just sayin'.
At this point I decided it was time go to a safe place so we proceeded directly to Margaritaville . . . Do not pass go . . . Do not collect $200. Once in Margaritaville it was margaritas for all . . . My god this was exactly what the doctor ordered . . . He's a drunk doctor but I love him deeply. The margaritas were so good we got one to go so we could go into the casino and make a deposit . . . And the bank of Flamingo was not disappointed. Now that we were down a couple hundred dollars and cooled of it was time to head back into the freakshow and make our way back to the igloo to relax for a while.
The hike back was full of more visual oddities that I can't unseen . . . But the hike . . . For all intensive purposes was uneventful. We made it back to the igloo in one piece and walking the a group from the old folks home . . . Fuck me my legs are sore and they clearly are bad at me for the abuse. I washed my eyes out with soap and relaxed in the nice sub zero temperatures of our little igloo on the strip
After a few hours of recuperation we ventured out for dinner . . . Chilis to be exact. The meal, waiter and music were all awesome. They were playing some vintage 70's music and we sang like we were on American Idol . . . And this was without alcohol! This day was actually calm with nothing weird happening and nothing funny to report . . . But my eyes . . . My eyes will never be the same. Stay tuned for day three . . . . Our first show is on the horizon . . .
Sunday, August 4, 2019
Sisters Sin City Adventure . . . Day One!
For those of you who follow my blog know that I blog about my many adventures when I travel somewhere. Well this time is no exception. This trip as the title suggests is a trip with the wife and her sister to Las Vegas. Yes Las Vegas . . . In August, what the fuck was I thinking right!?! We recently discovered that Las Vegas is suffering from a swarm of millions of grasshoppers . . . So this trip should be full of humor and horrors galore . . . And oh yeah the wife's sister is 50 and never been to Sin City. Let the fun begin . . .
We arrived at the Stockton airport about 1 1/2 hour before our flight was to depart so what do you with a hour and a half to burn . . . You go to the bar for a drink of course. After a round of adult beverages it was time to hit the TSA check point and of course for anyone who follows my travels knows that nothing ever goes smoothly. It started with my armpit setting off the body scanner. That's right my fucking armpit. I guess I should be glad it wasn't my dick as usual. Yup you have read that correctly . . . My past three flights I have had the pleasure of having a TSA agent feel up my junk. After a quick pit search it was on to the wife's items being gone through like the terrorist that she is. Her meds like she was fucking drug mule, her keys like she stole the keys to the fucking plane and last but not least her jewelry like she was smuggling blood diamonds . . . It's like the TSA have never seen these item . . . Seriously WTF.
Off to board the plane . . . So we get on the plane and get settled in our seats and low and behold the two year old two rows behind us starts what can only be described as a screaming display that rivals the best horror movies ever produced. This went on for a good 30 minutes as we sat there prisoners in our metal tube of a prison. It was now time to taxi and take off . . . But wait there's more. The captain comes on the radio and proceeds to tell us that they cannot take off as there is a warning light that wont go off and they are working on it with maintenance staff to figure it out. So we flipped a bitch and returned to the terminal to figure it out . . . All the while screaming Mimi screaming at the top of its lungs . . . For Fuck Sake someone put a titty in its mouth. Hell at this point I'm willing to use my voluptuous man boobs.
Well another 30 minutes went by and now it's time for try number two. This time we have lift with a hi ho silver and screaming baby away . . . The flight was uneventful if you don't count the screaming banshee two rows back. Who travels with a baby and doesn't slip them a benadryl cocktail before ther flight . . . Seriously!
The approach to the Las Vegas was a little bumpy and we attributed it to the potholes in the Nevada skies . . . Even though the approach was bumpy the landing was smooth like butta . . . We exited our metal prison at the gate located somewhere in bumb fuck Egypt. The next stop was baggage cliem which was our first 5 mile hike of this trip. With luggage in hand off to the taxi stand and the ride to the timeshare. The ride went great and I held the drivers hand the whole ride as we bonded immediately . . . Just kidding. We arrived at VIP check in where we were greeted by the friendly staff and our check in member . . . Let's call her chatty Cathy. She was very nice and gave us a hook up on show tickets . . . But let's just say she gave Joanie a ring for her money in the wordsmithing department. With our check in done in an amazing 35 minutes it was off to our home away from home. Everything with the room was good . . . Thank you Jesus.
Our next leg of our journey wa our routine uber trip to the grocery store to purchase our provisions for the week Our uber driver . . . Let's just call him Fred . . . Because it goes with Lucy, Ethel's and Ricky's Vegas vacation. He also was quite the conversationalist as he was very open about telling us about his kidney transplant, the cost of his medication and the fact that he was fired from a casino where he was a craps dealer for 15 years . . . Shady . . . Maybe but he was super nice and helpful.
We arrived back at the timeshare with a buttload of groceries that required the bellman's help . . . Damn you would think we moved here permanently . . . It's probably because we shopped hungry . . . Go figure! We loaded the fridge and pantry then it was off to and overdue food stop. This was our second 5 mile hike of the trip to the PBR bar and grill where dinner and drinks were amazing . . . Well let's be honest . . . It could have recycled from the south end of a bull because we were that hungry . . . Truth is it really was good. Our next mission . . . Which we accepted even though our legs were rapidly giving out . . . Was to locate and buy Joanies required weekly ration of Starbucks Caramel Frappuccinos. We search high and low with no luck . . . Until finally we spotted the caramel colored pot of gold at the end of the rainbow know as Walgreens. with purchase in hand it was back to from what now will be known as the igloo as the air conditioning was cranked down and was working amazing. Bed time for the three ice cubes and this concludes the end of day one . . . Stay tuned . . . .
We arrived at the Stockton airport about 1 1/2 hour before our flight was to depart so what do you with a hour and a half to burn . . . You go to the bar for a drink of course. After a round of adult beverages it was time to hit the TSA check point and of course for anyone who follows my travels knows that nothing ever goes smoothly. It started with my armpit setting off the body scanner. That's right my fucking armpit. I guess I should be glad it wasn't my dick as usual. Yup you have read that correctly . . . My past three flights I have had the pleasure of having a TSA agent feel up my junk. After a quick pit search it was on to the wife's items being gone through like the terrorist that she is. Her meds like she was fucking drug mule, her keys like she stole the keys to the fucking plane and last but not least her jewelry like she was smuggling blood diamonds . . . It's like the TSA have never seen these item . . . Seriously WTF.
Off to board the plane . . . So we get on the plane and get settled in our seats and low and behold the two year old two rows behind us starts what can only be described as a screaming display that rivals the best horror movies ever produced. This went on for a good 30 minutes as we sat there prisoners in our metal tube of a prison. It was now time to taxi and take off . . . But wait there's more. The captain comes on the radio and proceeds to tell us that they cannot take off as there is a warning light that wont go off and they are working on it with maintenance staff to figure it out. So we flipped a bitch and returned to the terminal to figure it out . . . All the while screaming Mimi screaming at the top of its lungs . . . For Fuck Sake someone put a titty in its mouth. Hell at this point I'm willing to use my voluptuous man boobs.
Well another 30 minutes went by and now it's time for try number two. This time we have lift with a hi ho silver and screaming baby away . . . The flight was uneventful if you don't count the screaming banshee two rows back. Who travels with a baby and doesn't slip them a benadryl cocktail before ther flight . . . Seriously!
The approach to the Las Vegas was a little bumpy and we attributed it to the potholes in the Nevada skies . . . Even though the approach was bumpy the landing was smooth like butta . . . We exited our metal prison at the gate located somewhere in bumb fuck Egypt. The next stop was baggage cliem which was our first 5 mile hike of this trip. With luggage in hand off to the taxi stand and the ride to the timeshare. The ride went great and I held the drivers hand the whole ride as we bonded immediately . . . Just kidding. We arrived at VIP check in where we were greeted by the friendly staff and our check in member . . . Let's call her chatty Cathy. She was very nice and gave us a hook up on show tickets . . . But let's just say she gave Joanie a ring for her money in the wordsmithing department. With our check in done in an amazing 35 minutes it was off to our home away from home. Everything with the room was good . . . Thank you Jesus.
Our next leg of our journey wa our routine uber trip to the grocery store to purchase our provisions for the week Our uber driver . . . Let's just call him Fred . . . Because it goes with Lucy, Ethel's and Ricky's Vegas vacation. He also was quite the conversationalist as he was very open about telling us about his kidney transplant, the cost of his medication and the fact that he was fired from a casino where he was a craps dealer for 15 years . . . Shady . . . Maybe but he was super nice and helpful.
We arrived back at the timeshare with a buttload of groceries that required the bellman's help . . . Damn you would think we moved here permanently . . . It's probably because we shopped hungry . . . Go figure! We loaded the fridge and pantry then it was off to and overdue food stop. This was our second 5 mile hike of the trip to the PBR bar and grill where dinner and drinks were amazing . . . Well let's be honest . . . It could have recycled from the south end of a bull because we were that hungry . . . Truth is it really was good. Our next mission . . . Which we accepted even though our legs were rapidly giving out . . . Was to locate and buy Joanies required weekly ration of Starbucks Caramel Frappuccinos. We search high and low with no luck . . . Until finally we spotted the caramel colored pot of gold at the end of the rainbow know as Walgreens. with purchase in hand it was back to from what now will be known as the igloo as the air conditioning was cranked down and was working amazing. Bed time for the three ice cubes and this concludes the end of day one . . . Stay tuned . . . .
Monday, June 19, 2017
THE CROW'S OUT . . . THE LITTLE'S IN . . .
Well the adventure began as innocent as most vacations . . . Flight, car rental, shopping for provisions, and check-in. Our first day was uneventful and went off with pretty much without a hitch. The second day we met up with the Crow's and let the adventure begin.
The day started off innocent enough . . . It was fathers day and was a day that both Joanie and Pam had planned as a surprise for both me and Dennis. The surprise was a leisurely ocean raft adventure up the Napali coast.
While the adventure started out as an innocent adventure . . . The drive there was, for anyone that has followed my blogs would know . . . Was the beginning of what can only be called an adventure to match any other adventure we have taken with our good friends the Crow's. There were eight in our party so we had to take two vehicles. We thought it would be a good idea to follow the Crow's to the small boat harbor in Wiemaia from our timeshare in Poipu. Well we were in for an adventure from the beginning as the first turn was a doozie at full speed ahead Scotty all engines at warp speed . . . Holy shit what the Fuck just happened . . . At a full two wheels off the pavement, Dennis made the turn at about 45-50mph. All we could say was What The Fuck was that. Without thinking we followed him throwing caution to the wind and following him in this ride from hell, like Thelma and Louise over the God damn cliff. We all were still alive but there was a slight pucker factor of about eight . . . And that was just to start. Once we got just about into Hanapepe town as we were rapidly approaching the stop light I noticed the large yellow sign that instructed all drivers . . . "Stop Ahead When Flashing" . . . Yet Dennis was hell bent on getting to our destination and was rabidly approaching a vehicle stopped at the light around the corner. While I wasn't in the run away Crowmobile I can only imagine the chorus of Holy Shits coming from inside the vehicle . . . The stop was successful without any major bloodshed . . . Thank God. The rest of the car ride went smooth even though the Crowmobile was wizzing down the road at California speeds . . . Not island speeds.
We arrived at our destination in one piece and exited our respective sleighs to what could only be called "The smell of Decomp". Yup death was in the air . . . And we haven't even got on the damn boat yet.
We checked in and all made the "Potty Stop" as instructed by our host for the day . . . Needless to say a triple shot of Imodium was in need for me right off the bat. I so didn't want to be the guy that sprayed everyone with a diarrhea shower to kick off the adventure. Lucky for everyone the Imodium worked as advertised and everyone was spared from a shit spray disaster. The adventure went off without a hitch, Dennis and myself even got to take part in an ancient ritual called Mokulele'apapakunelookoobull'eshitkiki which loosely translated means getting peed on by a waterfall, while laying back on the bow of a boat, while a bunch perverts take your picture. I know it's a mouthful, but you know it is just loosely translated. We were treated to various history lessons along the way by our Captain of the U.S.S. Minow, until we stopped for a snorkel stop and lunch. After the snorkel stop . . "Nasa We Have A Problem". As the captain was trying to release the anchor . . . We were stuck to the ocean floor . . . Of course we were . . . The Little's and Crow's were aboard . . . . This makes perfect sense . . . But only to a trained seasoned observer of the Crow/Little experience. It took about 15 minutes of the crew trying to release the anchor, that ended up in one of the crew members having to dive to the bottom to release the anchor from its death grip of Davey Jones locker. Once that incident was resolved we were on our way back to the harbor where the choppy and unsettled seas had a surfing lesson in store for us. After about a 1 hour choppy adventurous ride, we passed the harbor where we had left earlier . . . Only to hear the captain's voice announce that we would have to go past the entrance, thanks to the high surf and time it "just right" . . . And surf the waves our way into the harbor . . . Oh goody . . . What could possibly go wrong . . . With the Little's and Crow's track record . . . God only knows. So with a quick glance over his shoulder the captain put the Mighty Minnow into all ahead full . . . And the race was on. It was the Minnow against the wave, first to the finish line wins. Just when everything was going as planned, the motor died, leaving us at the mercy of the high waves just floundering . . . Well like a flounder. Just then a huge wave came crashing over the Minnows starboard side flipping the boat over in the entrance of the small boat harbor. There was mayhem and screaming and at one point a small fire caused by thr spilled fuel. Just them i woke up and it was just a dream . . . None of that happened . . . But when the Crow's and Little's go on an adventure you can never be too sure. Well as it turned out nothing went wrong and the cast and crew of the U.S.S. Minow would not be lost today.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
We loaded our respective vehicles with our remains of a great day at sea . . . Speaking of remains, the smell of death was still in the air around our vehicles . . . So we stayed and talked a bit about our day and the Crow's previous 9 days on the island . . . All the while the stench would cause some to gag a little every now and then . . . "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE LEAVE" was the exclamation felt by all, but no one had the balls to say. We mounted our trusty steeds and on that steel horse we rode . . . Back to our little grass shack in Poipu. With the AC blasting we were off. Everything was going good . . . Too Good. So there it was the big yellow flashing sign, warning drivers that they would need to stop ahead when the light was flashing. You may have remembered this from earlier in the day when Dennis damn near went down in a ball of flames . . . But avoided it by stopping in the nick of time. Well this time was no different . . . Same place . . . Same sign . . . Same screeching halt and "Holy Shit" screams coming from the Crowmobile. This time there was something different about this stop . . . I couldn't quite put my finger on it . . . But it was right there in front of me. The light turned green and it came to me . . . The light turned green and Dennis was just sitting there like it was the most comfortable chair and he wasn't going to move. We waited . . . And waited . . . And finally off the Crowmobile went, with a hi-ho Silver away. The rest of the drive was uneventful except for another place where a stop sign must have read 'Stop . . . In the middle of the intersection" because Dennis did exactly that. Finally back at Casa de Poipu, we all found out why there was such a delay at the stop light earlier. It turns out, that it was just Dennis trying to make eye contact with me through his side mirror, and while trying to lock in on a bromamce gaze, the light turned green . . . But traffic would have to wait . . . Because nothing could stand in the way of our love for one another . . . Wait! . . . What!?! Sorry about that I blacked out for a minute. Dennis was simply looking in his rear view mirror to make sure we were all ok and still following in the Littlemobile.
We went to our separate rooms . . . The Crow's to pack to get ready to leave tomorrow . . . And the Little's to relax by the pool. We promised to get together a little later for what can only be called the weirdest drug deal ever. Ok so it wasn't a drug deal, but it was like Christmas time at the food bank and the Little's were the fortunate recipients of a "Major Award", consisting of food and beverages and other odds and ends that the Crow's were so generous to will to us.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
After a few drinks and some spirited conversation it was decided that we would all go and get something to eat . . . Sort of like the Last Supper meets the changing of the guards on the island of Kauai. So off to a little cafe in Old Koloa Town we went . . . Following the Crowmobile only this time without any incidents . . . Except for the occasional hard breaking provided by my lovely wife getting used the the brakes in the rental car. We arrived at the cafe (that was about to close) and the owner was nice enough to let us come in and eat . . . Little did she know what she was in for . . .
Part two . . . WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT !.!.!.
We were seated . . . All eight of us at a nice long table with a view of the beautiful Kauai evening through an open window. Did I mention that there were eight of us . . . Well our waitress, a super nice older woman, would only serve the nine of us . . . That's right . . . The NINE of us. Nine forks . . . Nine glasses of water . . . It was like our Navy son Joey was there in spirit and only she could see him. So we ordered our food and drinks which consisted of burgers, nachos, shrimp and chips and something called a "Perfect Peni" . . . I mean "Perfect Pena" . . . I stand corrected. So the order was placed and the conversation was flowing as it often does, with Joanie blurting out the occasional "Ray be have" . . . When all of a sudden BAM . . . Followed by Blood Curddling screams eminating from Joanies mouth, all the while she was What can only be described as "Dry Washing" her hair in a frantic motion . . . That's when the exclamation of 'What The Fuck" eminated from everyone at the table . . . Yes . . . All nine of us . . . I mean eight of us. We soon saw what caused the rapid explosion of panic at the table . . . The biggest fucking Cockroach had just flew in through the open window into Joanies hair . . . No you read that right . . . A fucking cockroach the size of a small bird flew into Joanies bountiful doo. When it came to rest on the table and we saw it for the first time . . . Our daughter in law was like and Olympic Athlete Ghost . . . She was gone in a poof . . . Peace Out Bitches . . . She moved so fast nobody at the table even saw her move. Jennifer made her way towards the exit with Bobby in tow, while the Cockroach-bird-thingy crawled towards me on the edge of the table. Then I heard Brandon Crow, the eldest Crowlette said "Ray . . . Don't Move". He tried to stab the God Damn thing with a fork . . . Which I'm sure would have just ended up bending the fork, had he made contact with the behemoth. It proceeded to round the corner of the table past Ashley and towards certain doom . . . The Bugman. Dennis jumped into action . . . After the initial scare of course . . . But ever the professional . . . He flicked the massive cockroach-bird-thingy away . . . Bravo Dennis Bravo.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
After a short period of "Getting our shit together" and composing ourselves . . . Not to mention Bobbys stellar job of coaxing Jennifer back to the scene of the crime, we settled down to our meal . . . When all of a sudden . . . Let the screaming and dry hair washing begin again. That's right you guessed it . . . Cockroach number two . . . In the fucking hair again . . . Screams going one way and Jennifer going another with Bobby chasing after her. Now seriously what the Fuck are the odds of two Cockroaches in one hairdo in less than 15 minutes . . . Oh that's right . . . The Little's and the Crow's are together. With the composure once again regained, and Jennifer coaxed back to the table once again, the food and drink consumed when all of a sudden . . . Yup . . . You guessed it . . . Bug number three . . . Holy shit it's like a God Damn Alfred Hitchcock movie gone wrong. Now Jennifer was not only gone, she was an anxiety attack in full blown motion. With the three strike rule in affect . . . We were outta there. We made our way back to the grass shack . . . Said our goodbyes . . . Wished each other safe travels and turned in for the night. As usual . . . If you have read about the Crow's and the Little's adventures . . . This adventure did not disappoint. Until the next adventure Peace Out Bitches . . . Aloha!
The day started off innocent enough . . . It was fathers day and was a day that both Joanie and Pam had planned as a surprise for both me and Dennis. The surprise was a leisurely ocean raft adventure up the Napali coast.
While the adventure started out as an innocent adventure . . . The drive there was, for anyone that has followed my blogs would know . . . Was the beginning of what can only be called an adventure to match any other adventure we have taken with our good friends the Crow's. There were eight in our party so we had to take two vehicles. We thought it would be a good idea to follow the Crow's to the small boat harbor in Wiemaia from our timeshare in Poipu. Well we were in for an adventure from the beginning as the first turn was a doozie at full speed ahead Scotty all engines at warp speed . . . Holy shit what the Fuck just happened . . . At a full two wheels off the pavement, Dennis made the turn at about 45-50mph. All we could say was What The Fuck was that. Without thinking we followed him throwing caution to the wind and following him in this ride from hell, like Thelma and Louise over the God damn cliff. We all were still alive but there was a slight pucker factor of about eight . . . And that was just to start. Once we got just about into Hanapepe town as we were rapidly approaching the stop light I noticed the large yellow sign that instructed all drivers . . . "Stop Ahead When Flashing" . . . Yet Dennis was hell bent on getting to our destination and was rabidly approaching a vehicle stopped at the light around the corner. While I wasn't in the run away Crowmobile I can only imagine the chorus of Holy Shits coming from inside the vehicle . . . The stop was successful without any major bloodshed . . . Thank God. The rest of the car ride went smooth even though the Crowmobile was wizzing down the road at California speeds . . . Not island speeds.
We arrived at our destination in one piece and exited our respective sleighs to what could only be called "The smell of Decomp". Yup death was in the air . . . And we haven't even got on the damn boat yet.
We checked in and all made the "Potty Stop" as instructed by our host for the day . . . Needless to say a triple shot of Imodium was in need for me right off the bat. I so didn't want to be the guy that sprayed everyone with a diarrhea shower to kick off the adventure. Lucky for everyone the Imodium worked as advertised and everyone was spared from a shit spray disaster. The adventure went off without a hitch, Dennis and myself even got to take part in an ancient ritual called Mokulele'apapakunelookoobull'eshitkiki which loosely translated means getting peed on by a waterfall, while laying back on the bow of a boat, while a bunch perverts take your picture. I know it's a mouthful, but you know it is just loosely translated. We were treated to various history lessons along the way by our Captain of the U.S.S. Minow, until we stopped for a snorkel stop and lunch. After the snorkel stop . . "Nasa We Have A Problem". As the captain was trying to release the anchor . . . We were stuck to the ocean floor . . . Of course we were . . . The Little's and Crow's were aboard . . . . This makes perfect sense . . . But only to a trained seasoned observer of the Crow/Little experience. It took about 15 minutes of the crew trying to release the anchor, that ended up in one of the crew members having to dive to the bottom to release the anchor from its death grip of Davey Jones locker. Once that incident was resolved we were on our way back to the harbor where the choppy and unsettled seas had a surfing lesson in store for us. After about a 1 hour choppy adventurous ride, we passed the harbor where we had left earlier . . . Only to hear the captain's voice announce that we would have to go past the entrance, thanks to the high surf and time it "just right" . . . And surf the waves our way into the harbor . . . Oh goody . . . What could possibly go wrong . . . With the Little's and Crow's track record . . . God only knows. So with a quick glance over his shoulder the captain put the Mighty Minnow into all ahead full . . . And the race was on. It was the Minnow against the wave, first to the finish line wins. Just when everything was going as planned, the motor died, leaving us at the mercy of the high waves just floundering . . . Well like a flounder. Just then a huge wave came crashing over the Minnows starboard side flipping the boat over in the entrance of the small boat harbor. There was mayhem and screaming and at one point a small fire caused by thr spilled fuel. Just them i woke up and it was just a dream . . . None of that happened . . . But when the Crow's and Little's go on an adventure you can never be too sure. Well as it turned out nothing went wrong and the cast and crew of the U.S.S. Minow would not be lost today.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
We loaded our respective vehicles with our remains of a great day at sea . . . Speaking of remains, the smell of death was still in the air around our vehicles . . . So we stayed and talked a bit about our day and the Crow's previous 9 days on the island . . . All the while the stench would cause some to gag a little every now and then . . . "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE LEAVE" was the exclamation felt by all, but no one had the balls to say. We mounted our trusty steeds and on that steel horse we rode . . . Back to our little grass shack in Poipu. With the AC blasting we were off. Everything was going good . . . Too Good. So there it was the big yellow flashing sign, warning drivers that they would need to stop ahead when the light was flashing. You may have remembered this from earlier in the day when Dennis damn near went down in a ball of flames . . . But avoided it by stopping in the nick of time. Well this time was no different . . . Same place . . . Same sign . . . Same screeching halt and "Holy Shit" screams coming from the Crowmobile. This time there was something different about this stop . . . I couldn't quite put my finger on it . . . But it was right there in front of me. The light turned green and it came to me . . . The light turned green and Dennis was just sitting there like it was the most comfortable chair and he wasn't going to move. We waited . . . And waited . . . And finally off the Crowmobile went, with a hi-ho Silver away. The rest of the drive was uneventful except for another place where a stop sign must have read 'Stop . . . In the middle of the intersection" because Dennis did exactly that. Finally back at Casa de Poipu, we all found out why there was such a delay at the stop light earlier. It turns out, that it was just Dennis trying to make eye contact with me through his side mirror, and while trying to lock in on a bromamce gaze, the light turned green . . . But traffic would have to wait . . . Because nothing could stand in the way of our love for one another . . . Wait! . . . What!?! Sorry about that I blacked out for a minute. Dennis was simply looking in his rear view mirror to make sure we were all ok and still following in the Littlemobile.
We went to our separate rooms . . . The Crow's to pack to get ready to leave tomorrow . . . And the Little's to relax by the pool. We promised to get together a little later for what can only be called the weirdest drug deal ever. Ok so it wasn't a drug deal, but it was like Christmas time at the food bank and the Little's were the fortunate recipients of a "Major Award", consisting of food and beverages and other odds and ends that the Crow's were so generous to will to us.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
After a few drinks and some spirited conversation it was decided that we would all go and get something to eat . . . Sort of like the Last Supper meets the changing of the guards on the island of Kauai. So off to a little cafe in Old Koloa Town we went . . . Following the Crowmobile only this time without any incidents . . . Except for the occasional hard breaking provided by my lovely wife getting used the the brakes in the rental car. We arrived at the cafe (that was about to close) and the owner was nice enough to let us come in and eat . . . Little did she know what she was in for . . .
Part two . . . WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT !.!.!.
We were seated . . . All eight of us at a nice long table with a view of the beautiful Kauai evening through an open window. Did I mention that there were eight of us . . . Well our waitress, a super nice older woman, would only serve the nine of us . . . That's right . . . The NINE of us. Nine forks . . . Nine glasses of water . . . It was like our Navy son Joey was there in spirit and only she could see him. So we ordered our food and drinks which consisted of burgers, nachos, shrimp and chips and something called a "Perfect Peni" . . . I mean "Perfect Pena" . . . I stand corrected. So the order was placed and the conversation was flowing as it often does, with Joanie blurting out the occasional "Ray be have" . . . When all of a sudden BAM . . . Followed by Blood Curddling screams eminating from Joanies mouth, all the while she was What can only be described as "Dry Washing" her hair in a frantic motion . . . That's when the exclamation of 'What The Fuck" eminated from everyone at the table . . . Yes . . . All nine of us . . . I mean eight of us. We soon saw what caused the rapid explosion of panic at the table . . . The biggest fucking Cockroach had just flew in through the open window into Joanies hair . . . No you read that right . . . A fucking cockroach the size of a small bird flew into Joanies bountiful doo. When it came to rest on the table and we saw it for the first time . . . Our daughter in law was like and Olympic Athlete Ghost . . . She was gone in a poof . . . Peace Out Bitches . . . She moved so fast nobody at the table even saw her move. Jennifer made her way towards the exit with Bobby in tow, while the Cockroach-bird-thingy crawled towards me on the edge of the table. Then I heard Brandon Crow, the eldest Crowlette said "Ray . . . Don't Move". He tried to stab the God Damn thing with a fork . . . Which I'm sure would have just ended up bending the fork, had he made contact with the behemoth. It proceeded to round the corner of the table past Ashley and towards certain doom . . . The Bugman. Dennis jumped into action . . . After the initial scare of course . . . But ever the professional . . . He flicked the massive cockroach-bird-thingy away . . . Bravo Dennis Bravo.
But wait . . . There's more . . .
After a short period of "Getting our shit together" and composing ourselves . . . Not to mention Bobbys stellar job of coaxing Jennifer back to the scene of the crime, we settled down to our meal . . . When all of a sudden . . . Let the screaming and dry hair washing begin again. That's right you guessed it . . . Cockroach number two . . . In the fucking hair again . . . Screams going one way and Jennifer going another with Bobby chasing after her. Now seriously what the Fuck are the odds of two Cockroaches in one hairdo in less than 15 minutes . . . Oh that's right . . . The Little's and the Crow's are together. With the composure once again regained, and Jennifer coaxed back to the table once again, the food and drink consumed when all of a sudden . . . Yup . . . You guessed it . . . Bug number three . . . Holy shit it's like a God Damn Alfred Hitchcock movie gone wrong. Now Jennifer was not only gone, she was an anxiety attack in full blown motion. With the three strike rule in affect . . . We were outta there. We made our way back to the grass shack . . . Said our goodbyes . . . Wished each other safe travels and turned in for the night. As usual . . . If you have read about the Crow's and the Little's adventures . . . This adventure did not disappoint. Until the next adventure Peace Out Bitches . . . Aloha!
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