What the hell is this world coming to? I thought I heard it wrong when I heard that a 15 year old boy had been suspended for 3 days for "Farting" on the bus. Well no shit. . . . is that what fucking 15 year old boys do. . . duh!? I think the driver may have been gay and was mistaking the Farts as some type of flirting and when he found out it wasn't he lashed out like lover scorned and wrote the discipline report that not only got the kid thrown off of the bus but suspended as well. The bus driver who was a man and apparently forgot what it was like to be an adolescent stinky, gassy pimply boy. The driver said that the kid was doing it to make other kids laugh. Once again DUH. . . farts are funny! Granted sometimes they stink but that is the chance you take when you decide to launch an air biscuit.
Then I found out that not too long before this incident there was a 13 year old boy that was "Arrested" that's right ARRESTED for "Farting" in class. Oh my god so now we have the Fucking Fart Police!!! I guess I should consider myself lucky that nobody in my house is a member of this police squad. There have been times that I would probably would have received 50 years to life for some of my "Not So Fresh" moments.
My concern is where does the madness stop. Are you gonna find yourself in handcuffs next time you decide to "Crop Dust" in Wal-mart? What are they actually charging people with Disturbing the Peace? I would love to know what the logic is. What will the powers that be do about colleges where they light the Fucking things on fire. So next time you are thinking of having some type of bodily function you may want to look over your shoulder and make sure "Big Brother" isn't watching you!!!!
Farting I mean Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow. . . Peace Out.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Holy Shit The Migration Continues . . . Get Ready To Start Speaking Spanish!!!
Good Saturday morning to all of you on this fine sunny morning. At least I hope there is enough people reading this blog to be considered an "All of You". Well my rant of the day is one that we all here in California deal with all of the time. So hold on to your hats it gonna be a bumpy blog. There are going to be an ass load of racial stereotyping and as a whole I am not a racist in any sense of the word but "Enough is Fucking Enough"!!!
Well I think it's finally happened . . . We are now living the United States of Mexico. That's right! We are, as everyone knows, living in the beautiful state of Mexifornia and have been for some time now. I recently read two stories of which I will refer to in my rant. Here is a short excerpt from the first story;
Thursday, March 12, 2009
By Penny Starr, Senior Staff Writer
Enjoy, I have a hockey game to watch so that's all Folks!
Well I think it's finally happened . . . We are now living the United States of Mexico. That's right! We are, as everyone knows, living in the beautiful state of Mexifornia and have been for some time now. I recently read two stories of which I will refer to in my rant. Here is a short excerpt from the first story;
Wal-Mart looks to Hispanic market
By Jonathan Birchall
Published: March 12 2009 18:03 | Last updated: March 12 2009 18:03
Wal-Mart plans to open its first Hispanic-focused supermarkets this summer in Arizona and Texas as the largest US retailer continues its drive to expand its dominance of the US grocery business.
The pilot stores, named Supermercado de Walmart, will open in Phoenix and Houston in remodelled 39,000 sq ft locations occupied previously by two of Wal-Mart’s Neighborhood Market stores.
What The Fuck is Going On????? I knew Wal-mart was nothing but corporate whores out for their piece of the pie, but I never thought they would be out for their piece of the pinata and quesodilla too! Well pass the chips and salsa it has finally happened. Why is it that everywhere else can have a national language and they are not only proud to speak that language but they don't go out of their way to cater to Mexicans. In case you are wondering I am not being politically correct on purpose. I am tired of that too as you know from the rant a couple of days ago. The issue that I have isn't necessary with illegal Mexicans. In all honesty they do serve a national purpose. That is one of performing the type of jobs that everyone has come to know that they perform. They pick crops, landscape, pour concrete and just about any other type of back breaking work that the average lazy American wouldn't do in a million years. The problem I have is when we are now speaking English as a second language. This is Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit!!! With Wal-mart becoming the Mexican whore pimps that they are becoming due to greed may just be the proverbial nail in the "Fucking Coffin"
Wait there is good news in the way of a modern day superhero named Joe Arpaio. He is the famous Maricopa County Sheriff. If you are not aware of who he is Google him he is a shining example of how every American should be. Here is a recent disturbing headline regarding him followed by a few quotes from him.
Justice Dept. Investigates Arizona Sheriff for Enforcing Immigration LawThursday, March 12, 2009
By Penny Starr, Senior Staff Writer
Once again WHAT THE FUCK???? They are investigating him because he is "Enforcing" the immigration laws? The article even goes on to say him and his staff were trained by the federal government agency on how to enforce these laws. So now that there are Mexican running rampant like a billion cockroaches and are now getting into positions of influence by either shear number or dumb luck, we are now supposed to ignore the fact that this man is doing his duty that he has been sworn in to perform . . . I think not! The sheriff however is a very strong willed person as this quote from him shows:
“I will not back down. What I am doing is upholding the laws of the state of
God Damn Ferris You're My Hero"! So I say long live the sheriff not to be mistaken for Viva Zapata or any other Mexican mantra. If everyone would just take a stand and be proud that they live in the "
Oh My God did that just sound like something from it's a small world or what? Okay I know that everyone that reads this blog has grown accustom to the funny aspect of my rants and this one didn't particularly deliver here is a funny video to try and make up for the rant;
Enjoy, I have a hockey game to watch so that's all Folks!
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Sex Crazed Michigan Man
Well as promised I am here to talk about an amusing story that I read while perving . . . I mean cruising the Internet. That's right ladies an gentlemen the Michigan police busted someone making hot sweet love to a car wash vacuum cleaner.
Holy shit what was this fucker thinking. There is absolutely no way that you can even remotely explain this away once you are caught. I racked my brain all night and all day and the best my twisted mind came up with was something the hilarious comedian Billy Connolly said in his stand up routine. He was giving every man in the audience advice as to what to say when they get caught jerkin' the gherkin'. The "Fucker", as we will refer to the Michigan vacuum virgin as in this case, once caught needed to immediately upon being caught yell "THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE"!! followed by "YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS"!! At that point as Billy Connolly says, the person who is the one who caught the "Fucker" or the "PO PO" as we will call them in this case, would be immediately surprised by the exclamation. This is where this whole scenario get very very tricky. The follow up comment has to make sense and fit the scene. That is where I see a major problem. What could you even say? "I was walking across the car wash lot and the "Fuckuum" attacked me. I was out for an evening stroll and was propositioned for a fifty cent blow job. The last one is the one I used . . . I mean would have used. At any rate the "Fucker" had to plead "No Contest" as he was not getting any cooperation out of his all too silent partner. So the next time you are thinking that it would be a good idea to stick your "Pee Pee" into an inanimate object think about what excuse that you could possibly use to explain the sick twisted act in the first place.
For those of you who are not fortunate enough to know who Billy Connolly is. He is one of the funniest comedians that I know. The plus is his Scottish accent. Here is a link the the story that I refered to in my rant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqnUceOIEHE I hope everyone enjoyed the trip to you tube. Until my next post . . . "FUCK OFF"!! (Watch the video you'll understand the "Fuck Off").
Holy shit what was this fucker thinking. There is absolutely no way that you can even remotely explain this away once you are caught. I racked my brain all night and all day and the best my twisted mind came up with was something the hilarious comedian Billy Connolly said in his stand up routine. He was giving every man in the audience advice as to what to say when they get caught jerkin' the gherkin'. The "Fucker", as we will refer to the Michigan vacuum virgin as in this case, once caught needed to immediately upon being caught yell "THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE"!! followed by "YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS"!! At that point as Billy Connolly says, the person who is the one who caught the "Fucker" or the "PO PO" as we will call them in this case, would be immediately surprised by the exclamation. This is where this whole scenario get very very tricky. The follow up comment has to make sense and fit the scene. That is where I see a major problem. What could you even say? "I was walking across the car wash lot and the "Fuckuum" attacked me. I was out for an evening stroll and was propositioned for a fifty cent blow job. The last one is the one I used . . . I mean would have used. At any rate the "Fucker" had to plead "No Contest" as he was not getting any cooperation out of his all too silent partner. So the next time you are thinking that it would be a good idea to stick your "Pee Pee" into an inanimate object think about what excuse that you could possibly use to explain the sick twisted act in the first place.
For those of you who are not fortunate enough to know who Billy Connolly is. He is one of the funniest comedians that I know. The plus is his Scottish accent. Here is a link the the story that I refered to in my rant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqnUceOIEHE I hope everyone enjoyed the trip to you tube. Until my next post . . . "FUCK OFF"!! (Watch the video you'll understand the "Fuck Off").
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Latest Update . . .Political Correctness . . . People Who Get Butt Hurt Too Fuckin' Easy!!!
Well in case you aren't aware it has been a while since I have entered anything into the blog. I have been going through quite the change as I have a new job thanks to the down turn in the construction trade. I am now the safety office for the Health Services Agency for Stanislaus County. I guess you could say I am very lucky to have found a job during these troubled economic times. I have been working at my job for the past few weeks and it has been very hectic. I have met a lot of great people in many departments. I even have met a department where the people were fans of the China blog. I felt like quite the celebrity when my identity was discovered. I am just glad that everyone who read the blog enjoyed it and shared laughs along with us fortunate ones who found themselves in the land of the "Yellow Locusts".
Now on to my latest rant . . .
The topic of the evening is Political Correctness and how it has gotten way out of control. I was attending my recent new employee orientation when we were shown an interesting video. The video was called "Fish". It told the story of the famous fish market in Seattle Washington's famous farmers market. It profiled how the employees have nonstop fun at work. They do everything from throw fish back and forth as they fill orders, to yell things in unison, to constant joking and high level of interaction with the public. They involve customers and observers alike. I found this actually odd that in these times of extreme political correctness where you can't even innocently tell a female coworker that she looks nice without fear of being fucking sued to the hilt, they would insinuate that we should have fun at work. How dare they!!!
My point is that they say we should have fun at work, but everyone knows that it is just a bunch of fucking bullshit and that they don't mean it. If everyone had fun at work the people who get Butt Hurt at the drop of a hat would have to pitch a fucking fit until their whinny asses were soothed to the point that it becomes all about them. My view of fun in the work place is pretty simple "Life Is Too Short And You Only Go On This Ride Once So What The Hell Have Fun Whenever Possible" As anyone who knows me outside of work knows me as "The Tsunami of Fun". I received this distinguished title as I have been known to Suck people into the "Fun Tsunami" even if they don't want to have fun. The last place I worked was like a big dysfunctional happy drunk family. I mean this in the best way. No body there would ever think about sexual harassment charges because of an off color joke. Alright who am I kidding, the jokes weren't off color they were fucking hilarious and as nasty and dirty as they come. I loved my time there but Toto I know we are not in Kansas anymore. I have my work cut out for me as I will try and bridge the gap between having a fun workplace and staying out of a law suit. I hope to get employees involved in a fun environment that makes them want to be in the Tsunami of Fun. So let it be known to all in the Tsunami kingdom the winds have begun and the changes are coming. Tomorrow the funny story of . . .
Now on to my latest rant . . .
The topic of the evening is Political Correctness and how it has gotten way out of control. I was attending my recent new employee orientation when we were shown an interesting video. The video was called "Fish". It told the story of the famous fish market in Seattle Washington's famous farmers market. It profiled how the employees have nonstop fun at work. They do everything from throw fish back and forth as they fill orders, to yell things in unison, to constant joking and high level of interaction with the public. They involve customers and observers alike. I found this actually odd that in these times of extreme political correctness where you can't even innocently tell a female coworker that she looks nice without fear of being fucking sued to the hilt, they would insinuate that we should have fun at work. How dare they!!!
My point is that they say we should have fun at work, but everyone knows that it is just a bunch of fucking bullshit and that they don't mean it. If everyone had fun at work the people who get Butt Hurt at the drop of a hat would have to pitch a fucking fit until their whinny asses were soothed to the point that it becomes all about them. My view of fun in the work place is pretty simple "Life Is Too Short And You Only Go On This Ride Once So What The Hell Have Fun Whenever Possible" As anyone who knows me outside of work knows me as "The Tsunami of Fun". I received this distinguished title as I have been known to Suck people into the "Fun Tsunami" even if they don't want to have fun. The last place I worked was like a big dysfunctional happy drunk family. I mean this in the best way. No body there would ever think about sexual harassment charges because of an off color joke. Alright who am I kidding, the jokes weren't off color they were fucking hilarious and as nasty and dirty as they come. I loved my time there but Toto I know we are not in Kansas anymore. I have my work cut out for me as I will try and bridge the gap between having a fun workplace and staying out of a law suit. I hope to get employees involved in a fun environment that makes them want to be in the Tsunami of Fun. So let it be known to all in the Tsunami kingdom the winds have begun and the changes are coming. Tomorrow the funny story of . . .
Michigan man who pleads no contest in vacuum sex act case.
HOLY SHIT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH ALL BY ITSELF!!!
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