THE CROW'S OUT . . . THE LITTLE'S IN . . .

Well the adventure began as innocent as most vacations . . . Flight, car rental, shopping for provisions, and check-in. Our first day was uneventful and went off with pretty much without a hitch. The second day we met up with the Crow's and let the adventure begin.

The day started off innocent enough . . . It was fathers day and was a day that both Joanie and Pam had planned as a surprise for both me and Dennis. The surprise was a leisurely ocean raft adventure up the Napali coast.

While the adventure started out as an innocent adventure . . . The drive there was, for anyone that has followed my blogs would know . . . Was the beginning of what can only be called an adventure to match any other adventure we have taken with our good friends the Crow's. There were eight in our party so we had to take two vehicles. We thought it would be a good idea to follow the Crow's to the small boat harbor in Wiemaia from our timeshare in Poipu. Well we were in for an adventure from the beginning as the first turn was a doozie at full speed ahead Scotty all engines at warp speed . . . Holy shit what the Fuck just happened . . . At a full two wheels off the pavement, Dennis made the turn at about 45-50mph. All we could say was What The Fuck was that. Without thinking we followed him throwing caution to the wind and following him in this ride from hell, like Thelma and Louise over the God damn cliff. We all were still alive but there was a slight pucker factor of about eight . . . And that was just to start. Once we got just about into Hanapepe town as we were rapidly approaching the stop light I noticed the large yellow sign that instructed all drivers . . . "Stop Ahead When Flashing" . . . Yet Dennis was hell bent on getting to our destination and was rabidly approaching a vehicle stopped at the light around the corner. While I wasn't in the run away  Crowmobile I can only imagine the chorus of Holy Shits coming from inside the vehicle . . . The stop was successful without any major bloodshed . . . Thank God. The rest of the car ride went smooth even though the Crowmobile was wizzing down the road at California speeds . . . Not island speeds.

We arrived at our destination in one piece and exited our respective sleighs to what could only be called "The smell of Decomp". Yup death was in the air . . . And we haven't even got on the damn boat yet.

We checked in and all made the "Potty Stop" as instructed by our host for the day . . . Needless to say a triple shot of Imodium was in need for me right off the bat. I so didn't want to be the guy that sprayed everyone with a diarrhea shower to kick off the adventure. Lucky for everyone the Imodium worked as advertised and everyone was spared from a shit spray disaster. The adventure went off without a hitch, Dennis and myself even got to take part in an ancient ritual called Mokulele'apapakunelookoobull'eshitkiki which loosely translated means getting peed on by a waterfall, while laying back on the bow of a boat, while a bunch perverts take your picture. I know it's a mouthful, but you know it is just loosely translated. We were treated to various history lessons along the way by our Captain of the U.S.S. Minow, until we stopped for a snorkel stop and lunch. After the snorkel stop . .   "Nasa We Have A Problem". As the captain was trying to release the anchor . . . We were stuck to the ocean floor . . . Of course we were . . . The Little's and Crow's were aboard . . . . This makes perfect sense . . . But only to a trained seasoned observer of the Crow/Little experience. It took about 15 minutes of the crew trying to release the anchor, that ended up in one of the crew members having to dive to the bottom to release the anchor from its death grip of Davey Jones locker. Once that incident was resolved we were on our way back to the harbor where the choppy and unsettled seas had a surfing lesson in store for us. After about a 1 hour choppy adventurous ride, we passed the harbor where we had left earlier . . . Only to hear the captain's voice announce that we would have to go past the entrance, thanks to the high surf and time it "just right" . . . And surf the waves our way into the harbor . . . Oh goody . . . What could possibly go wrong . . . With the Little's and Crow's track record . . . God only knows. So with a quick glance over his shoulder the captain put the Mighty Minnow into all ahead full . . . And the race was on. It was the Minnow against the wave, first to the finish line wins. Just when everything was going as planned, the motor died, leaving us at the mercy of the high waves just floundering . . . Well like a flounder. Just then a huge wave came crashing over the Minnows starboard side flipping the boat over in the entrance of the small boat harbor. There was mayhem and screaming and at one point a small fire caused by thr spilled fuel. Just them i woke up and it was just a dream . . . None of that happened . . . But when the Crow's and Little's go on an adventure you can never be too sure. Well as it turned out nothing went wrong and the cast and crew of the U.S.S. Minow would not be lost today.

But wait . . . There's more . . .

We loaded our respective vehicles with our remains of a great day at sea . . . Speaking of remains, the smell of death was still in the air around our vehicles . . . So we stayed and talked a bit about our day and the Crow's previous 9 days on the island . . . All the while the stench would cause some to gag a little every now and then . . . "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE LEAVE" was the exclamation felt by all, but no one had the balls to say. We mounted our trusty steeds and on that steel horse we rode . . . Back to our little grass shack in Poipu. With the AC blasting we were off. Everything was going good . . . Too Good. So there it was the big yellow flashing sign, warning drivers that they would need to stop ahead when the light was flashing. You may have remembered this from earlier in the day when Dennis damn near went down in a ball of flames . . . But avoided it by stopping in the nick of time. Well this time was no different . . . Same place . . . Same sign . . . Same screeching halt and "Holy Shit" screams coming from the Crowmobile. This time there was something different about this stop . . . I couldn't quite put my finger on it . . . But it was right there in front of me. The light turned green and it came to me . . . The light turned green and Dennis was just sitting there like it was the most comfortable chair and he wasn't going to move. We waited . . . And waited . . . And finally off the Crowmobile went, with a hi-ho Silver away. The rest of the drive was uneventful except for another place where a stop sign must have read 'Stop . . . In the middle of the intersection" because Dennis did exactly that. Finally back at Casa de Poipu, we all found out why there was such a delay at the stop light earlier. It turns out, that it was just Dennis trying to make eye contact with me through his side mirror, and while trying to lock in on a bromamce gaze, the light turned green . . . But traffic would have to wait . . . Because nothing could stand in the way of our love for one another . . . Wait! . . . What!?! Sorry about that I blacked out for a minute. Dennis was simply looking in his rear view mirror to make sure we were all ok and still following in the Littlemobile.

We went to our separate rooms . . . The Crow's to pack to get ready to leave tomorrow . . . And the Little's to relax by the pool. We promised to get together a little later for what can only be called the weirdest drug deal ever. Ok so it wasn't a drug deal, but it was like Christmas time at the food bank and the Little's were the fortunate recipients of a "Major Award", consisting of food and beverages and other odds and ends that the Crow's were so generous to will to us.

But wait . . . There's more . . .

After a few drinks and some spirited conversation it was decided that we would all go and get something to eat . . . Sort of like the Last Supper meets the changing of the guards on the island of Kauai. So off to a little cafe in Old Koloa Town we went . . . Following the Crowmobile only this time without any incidents . . . Except for the occasional hard breaking provided by my lovely wife getting used the the brakes in the rental car. We arrived at the cafe (that was about to close) and the owner was nice enough to let us come in and eat . . . Little did she know what she was in for . . .

Part two . . . WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT !.!.!.

We were seated . . . All eight of us at a nice long table with a view of the beautiful Kauai evening through an open window. Did I mention that there were eight of us . . . Well our waitress, a super nice older woman,  would only serve the nine of us . . . That's right . . . The NINE of us. Nine forks . . . Nine glasses of water . . . It was like our Navy son Joey was there in spirit and only she could see him. So we ordered our food and drinks which consisted of burgers, nachos, shrimp and chips and something called a "Perfect Peni" . . . I mean "Perfect Pena" . . . I stand corrected. So the order was placed and the conversation was flowing as it often does, with Joanie blurting out the occasional "Ray be have" . . . When all of a sudden BAM . . . Followed by Blood Curddling screams eminating from Joanies mouth, all the while she was What can only be described as "Dry Washing" her hair in a frantic motion . . . That's when the exclamation of 'What The Fuck" eminated from everyone at the table . . . Yes . . . All nine of us . . . I mean eight of us. We soon saw what caused the rapid explosion of panic at the table . . . The biggest fucking Cockroach had just flew in through the open window into Joanies hair . . . No you read that right . . . A fucking cockroach the size of a small bird flew into Joanies bountiful doo. When it came to rest on the table and we saw it for the first time . . . Our daughter in law was like and Olympic Athlete Ghost . . . She was gone in a poof . . . Peace Out Bitches . . . She moved so fast nobody at the table even saw her move. Jennifer made her way towards the exit with Bobby in tow, while the Cockroach-bird-thingy crawled towards me on the edge of the table. Then I heard Brandon Crow, the eldest Crowlette said "Ray . . . Don't Move". He tried to stab the God Damn thing with a fork . . . Which I'm sure would have just ended up bending the fork, had he made contact with the behemoth. It proceeded to round the corner of the table past Ashley and towards certain doom . . . The Bugman. Dennis jumped into action . . . After the initial scare of course . . . But ever the professional . . . He flicked the massive cockroach-bird-thingy away . . . Bravo Dennis Bravo.

But wait . . . There's more . . .

After a short period of "Getting our shit together" and composing ourselves . . . Not to mention Bobbys stellar job of coaxing Jennifer back to the scene of the crime, we settled down to our meal . . . When all of a sudden . . . Let the screaming and dry hair washing begin again. That's right you guessed it . . . Cockroach number two . . . In the fucking hair again . . . Screams going one way and Jennifer going another with Bobby chasing after her. Now seriously what the Fuck are the odds of two Cockroaches in one hairdo in less than 15 minutes . . . Oh that's right . . . The Little's and the Crow's are together. With the composure once again regained, and Jennifer coaxed back to the table once again, the food and drink consumed when all of a sudden . . . Yup . . . You guessed it . . . Bug number three . . . Holy shit it's like a God Damn Alfred Hitchcock movie gone wrong. Now Jennifer was not only gone, she was an anxiety attack in full blown motion. With the three strike rule in affect . . . We were outta there. We made our way back to the grass shack . . . Said our goodbyes . . . Wished each other safe travels and turned in for the night. As usual . . . If you have read about the Crow's and the Little's adventures . . . This adventure did not disappoint. Until the next adventure Peace Out Bitches . . . Aloha!