Well as you can probably guess by now we awoke to another beautiful hot and humid day. Today was to be our last day in Shanghai as we would be leaving early in the morning on a plane to Bankok Thailand. Our guide was going to be taking us to the "Radio" tower for a tour and ascent into the tower and into one of the many spheres that make up the main structure of the building. The spheres range in height from a few hundred feet in the air to "Holy Shit It's The Pearly Gates" high. That was the height where I believe you need oxygen. Well we board the space shuttle Shanghai to the Radio tower. The pretty cool thing about the bus ride there was that we went into a tunnel that went under the river and to the side where the Radio tower was. I realize that there is nothing new about a tunnel under a river, but it is really interesting when you are in one built in a third world counrty like China. Thoughts go whizzing through your head at a million miles an hour woundering things like "I wonder if they know what rebar is?" and "Was that a leak we just passed?". The thought of recent earthquakes in China entered my thoughts as well and if anyone thought to inspect this watery grave for said leaks. I figured I would keep these twisted thoughts to myself as I didn't want to cause massive panic. Although it would have been fun to see the various facial expressions on peoples faces as the thought process registered and the freakish fear set in. Well we arrived at the Radio tower safe and sound and best of all "Not Dead".
There were two choice on todays agenda, one was the nosebleed ascent to "Mount Holy Shit", or shopping in another mall. The difference in this mall and the others that we had shopped in up to this point was that the "Bastard" was both "Hugantic" and "Ginormous". We were told that it was about four city blocks in diameter and six storied tall. We chose to not "Shit Our Pants" on the Everest Elevator and walked to the mall instead. We were pleasantly surprised to find that there was a Pizza Hut in the mall, now if only we could find it. We asked a few people at the "Information Desks" that we found along the way and they were such a huge help that they might as well have called them "We Don't Understand What The Hell You're Saying Desks". At any rate we finally found the Hut of The Pizza as Joanie hugged the familiar sign we laughed and proceeded to enter. The first thing that we noticed was that we were not in Kansas anymore because they had a stand at the poteum god honest Materdee, that took the time to seat us and provide us with menus and everything. As we looked around you could tell that coming here for someone from China must be a major outting as there was soft music playing as well as very nice decorations, statues and plants all over. Well our group consisted of 9 people and there wasn't a table in sight that could accomodate that many so they sat us at adjoining booths and we were soon in the grips of the battle of "Our Booths Better Than Yours" saga. We ordered our drinks first but the other team ordered both drinks and Pizza at the same time (Damn those tricky bastards). We assesed the situation and quickly adjusted with a counter order only to find out that the were out of the 12" pie (Once again Damn them bastards). We quickly ordered our respective pies as if we were speaking Chinese. Then the waiting game began, and I do mean waiting game. Eventually the pies started to be delivered after about 45 minutes which really put a bind in our schedule, because we originally only had about 1.5 hours until we had to reconvien at the buses. Our food finally arrived and when it did we all requested "To Go" boxes immediately, because we were not sure how long the Origami exercise would take and we didn't want to chance leaving any of this tasty food behind. We ate the pizza as fast as we could. Throwing caution to the wind and not even caring about the small hanging pieces of flesh that would soon be forming on the roofs of our mouths from the blistering cheese that we were shoveling in at an alarming rate. We ate until it was time to pay and leave. With "To Go" boxes in hand and a semi-sense-of-direction at hand we headed back to the bus. Along the way we saw an advertisment for "Hooters". . . No Shit. . . "Hooters". . . in China. We had to see for ourselves. Imagine that if you can Big Boobies in China. That would be like finding male Chinese porn stars hung like "Horses". That's right you'd have to see it to believe it. . .Same here. We were now on a mission to find "Hooters". We asked every person we met if they knew where Hooters was, we even used the universal sign for Hooters, you know hands on the chest rapidly rising to signify humongous bags O'fun. Well we might as well been on a mission to find the "G" spot because we had no luck finding "Hooters". We found out after we had returned to the bus that the only way to get to Hooters was through an outside entrance in the back of the mall. Why?. . . Oh why?. . . do they treat Hooters like the "Bat Cave"? What a cruel cruel world. Well I'm sure that it made Joanies day as she was not thrilled with the possiblity of me checking out "China Titties". . .Damnit!!! We left to go back to the hotel for the customary shower and preparation for our next adventure, which would be the Chinese Acrobat Show.
After the freshen session we reboarded the Shanghai Shot off to dinner and a show. We had once again managed to fins a Chinese resturant in China . . .Go figure! After dinner there was about an hour to kill so they let us run a muck up and down the street in an old part of Shanghai. There was nothing interesting along the way except for the fact that we found out where "The Red Panties Grow", I have pictures and can prove it too. I guess it's on the same lines of "Where The Red Fern Grows" but only this I believe involved a slutty woman not a dog. We made our way back to the resturant and boarded the bus to the theatre. Once we arrived it was another "Chinese Fire Drill" where a massive crowd of people tried to squeeze into one door all the while trying not to lose any kids or become separated from your group. After much people juggling of our own it was "Show Time"! We watched in absolute AWE of what the Acrobats were doing. They were performing completly unimaginable feats of balance, juggling and all around amazing things. We had an excellent time and this was a memory that I am sure we would not soon forget. We were now off to the hotel for a night of packing our things in preparation.
